Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Chapter 4 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
53 total reviews
Comment from mjfande
Another excellent chapter. A lot of things happen here, and it really helps carry the story. I'm glad to see that you're showing the strong feelings that Steven has for Leya. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Another excellent chapter. A lot of things happen here, and it really helps carry the story. I'm glad to see that you're showing the strong feelings that Steven has for Leya. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Brindle.T
Hello barbara
This is well written and the relationshipo betweenSteven and Leya is well conveyed through the dialogue in a "will they, won't they" romance...I am enjoying that and observing the style used, for I may learn something from it.
I stumbled over the last section and had to re read it...One minute they were in the hospital, the next she had jumped on a plane to Columbia...It didnt seem to fit with the rest of the pace, but thats nothing more than a subjective view on that section, others may well find it easy to follow.
Well done and good writing.
Tony
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Hello barbara
This is well written and the relationshipo betweenSteven and Leya is well conveyed through the dialogue in a "will they, won't they" romance...I am enjoying that and observing the style used, for I may learn something from it.
I stumbled over the last section and had to re read it...One minute they were in the hospital, the next she had jumped on a plane to Columbia...It didnt seem to fit with the rest of the pace, but thats nothing more than a subjective view on that section, others may well find it easy to follow.
Well done and good writing.
Tony
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and I wait to hear what you have to say. I didn't want to spend much time with the hospital, but needed it to be there. Leya getting onto a plane is leading into the next part. I will recheck it and see if there's a better way to handle it.
Comment from wierdgrace
I lust loved the characters, Leya and Dani, and all the rest including Steven, this is a great story, and so smooth and easy to follow, no errors I can see, just a great chapter, wonderful.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I lust loved the characters, Leya and Dani, and all the rest including Steven, this is a great story, and so smooth and easy to follow, no errors I can see, just a great chapter, wonderful.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Ok this is the first chapter of this story I have read. It was good. I like the MC and the story line. I felt it was a bit rushed. I would have like a bit more, before the first break. I felt like it was a very tense situation, but that the characters didn't seem very upset or worried. If that is true, maybe it could be explained.
I also liked the attraction that is building between Steven and Leya, but felt like that could have had a bit more description too.
This seems like a fun story and I would like to read more.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Ok this is the first chapter of this story I have read. It was good. I like the MC and the story line. I felt it was a bit rushed. I would have like a bit more, before the first break. I felt like it was a very tense situation, but that the characters didn't seem very upset or worried. If that is true, maybe it could be explained.
I also liked the attraction that is building between Steven and Leya, but felt like that could have had a bit more description too.
This seems like a fun story and I would like to read more.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I think if you read the first 15 posts all of your questions would be answered. I do not post in chapters because each chapter is too long to post, so you get a scene from a chapter. Thank you for your review.
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That makes much more sense. Thank you.
Comment from djyarrum
Well you've got my interest. What happens next. A good piece of suspense writing which held my interest during the whole read. You way with words and writing style made the read very easy and interesting. The dialogue was good and realistic. I look forward to the next chapter. David.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Well you've got my interest. What happens next. A good piece of suspense writing which held my interest during the whole read. You way with words and writing style made the read very easy and interesting. The dialogue was good and realistic. I look forward to the next chapter. David.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and I apprecaite your kind words.
Comment from Tellis
This is a very interesting story and boy were those cops idiots to leave the women unguarded like that. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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This is a very interesting story and boy were those cops idiots to leave the women unguarded like that. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and I appreciate the editorial comment.
Comment from missy98writer
barbara wilkey,
Your romance fiction story "Tantalizing Eyes" is a must read and well written story. The action is fast paced. The dialogue is great. The arranged marrage is a great plot to develope romance. Steven and Leya have great chemestry. The sexual tension is wonderful. Matt says the following to Steven when he finds out that Leya went to Columbia. "She's going to confront her father. Dani and I've been married for over three years and that's exactly what she'd do. What I can't figure out is how she'd get to Colombia. Dani had access to money, Leya doesn't."
This question left the reader to want to read more to see what happens.
This is a five star chapter.
missy98writer
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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barbara wilkey,
Your romance fiction story "Tantalizing Eyes" is a must read and well written story. The action is fast paced. The dialogue is great. The arranged marrage is a great plot to develope romance. Steven and Leya have great chemestry. The sexual tension is wonderful. Matt says the following to Steven when he finds out that Leya went to Columbia. "She's going to confront her father. Dani and I've been married for over three years and that's exactly what she'd do. What I can't figure out is how she'd get to Colombia. Dani had access to money, Leya doesn't."
This question left the reader to want to read more to see what happens.
This is a five star chapter.
missy98writer
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from L.lora
So nice to see this installment
Barbara. It is expertly crafted.
A well planned and thought out
addition to your storyline. The
descriptions and dialogue help
to move this right along at an
exciting fast pace. Your reader's
interested is peaked with the
final lines and now we wait for your
next exciting installment. No spags
or nits. Lora
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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So nice to see this installment
Barbara. It is expertly crafted.
A well planned and thought out
addition to your storyline. The
descriptions and dialogue help
to move this right along at an
exciting fast pace. Your reader's
interested is peaked with the
final lines and now we wait for your
next exciting installment. No spags
or nits. Lora
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from NightWriter
"Tantalizing Eyes Chapter 16: Chapter 4 Part 3" is another riveting chapter. I was glued to the screen the entire time. Lots of suspense and strong dialogue here. Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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"Tantalizing Eyes Chapter 16: Chapter 4 Part 3" is another riveting chapter. I was glued to the screen the entire time. Lots of suspense and strong dialogue here. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from tahti
I have rated many poems, but this is the first time I have commented on this type of work. I generally like this type of story, but then I ask myself, "How does this stand out from many of the other "Drug cartel/police" stories that permeate the airwaves and literature?"
I do not know what has proceeded this chapter so it is hard for me to make a real good critic. This chapter did, however, hold my interest and had me asking myself why something didn't happen when the two policemen went to get coffee? I guess I'll have to wait until next time to find out.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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I have rated many poems, but this is the first time I have commented on this type of work. I generally like this type of story, but then I ask myself, "How does this stand out from many of the other "Drug cartel/police" stories that permeate the airwaves and literature?"
I do not know what has proceeded this chapter so it is hard for me to make a real good critic. This chapter did, however, hold my interest and had me asking myself why something didn't happen when the two policemen went to get coffee? I guess I'll have to wait until next time to find out.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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This isn't a "Drug cartel/police" story, it is a romance novel and the "Drug cartel/police" story is a extremely minor piece that puts the hero and heroin together. I'm sorry you have not read the first 16 posts then you would understand what is happing in this story. Thank you for your review and the time you took to read it.
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Sorry! I knew I might be sticking my foot in my mouth by looking at only a snapshot in time. This is my first time on this site. tahti!
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Not a problem. We all need to start somewhere. If you notice in the listing of my post you will see it's listed as a romance novel. I hate to mention this, but it is possible to change the three stars.
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I'll have to read more. I'm not familiar with how to navigate this site or even how to change a review. If you can get me interested in a romance novel then you are pretty good. My wife has been reading them for years. I am probably your average guy when it comes to romance novels, but I do like romance in the way of chivalry as in "Robin Hood" or other types of stories that are similar. I guess there needs to be some action with the romance. I will discover this as I read more of your novel and hope I can learn to understand this web site more effectively. tahti!
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Yes, there is more to romance than guy meets girl and they fall in love and have sex. At least to the way I write it. I have many men followers, which surprises me, but I do and they like what action I put in mine. The male followers classify mine as suspense/romance. They wouldn't be caught dead reading a simple romance.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I had to have help getting around this site and many helped me. I want to return the favor. Don't be bashful in asking.