Comment from Annelisa

Excellent

That was scary! Good job.Tioo bad the ones with movie star good lucks are always psychotic... Good luck in the contest!
Annelisa

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Annelisa Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it. Carol

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

Oh, wow, Carol, something is terribly wrong! This is a very dramatic and imaginative story. And I have never read such a passionate piece from you. I guess this Paul Newman guy is really, really handsome. (Btw, when is the setting? Why not choose a younger one?) Anyway, good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Belinda Paul Newman had the bluest eyes I have ever seen on a man, on anyone for that matter. They reminded me of sparkling pools of water. I'm trying to understand your rating and the questions you asked me...Either I'm tired or too old...write me back and tell me what you meant about BTW, when is the setting? I think I must be aging myself. Carol

reply by Belinda on 07-Aug-2009

I will never give a four to you, Carol. This is a slip of the finger on the keyboard I will correct it soon. Sorry...

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

That's okay...I just wanted to understand what was wrong with the story...Did you think I agaed my self my saying Paul Newman eyes...or were you talking about something else....I am old you know!!! Carol

reply by Belinda on 07-Aug-2009

Hey, I am old, too. When I said 'something was terribly wrong', I was quoting the first sentence of your story. I was joking that this is more than what is expected from participants of the contest. When I asked you about the time setting, I was suggesting that if the setting was the present time, young ladies like your protagonist may not be a fan of Paul Newman. Maybe you can choose a more contemporary idol like for instance Patrick Dempsey, the 'McDreamy' of 'Grey's Anatomy'. (But then his eyes might not be blue.) Anyway, this is just a suggestion, please don't take it to heart...

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

No problem...I was just confused. Better to be have set me straight than I drowned in my own confusion. Never worry about my asking questions from Belinda...I consider you my friend and a great help. I just don't always get what some people are saying...others I don't want to get...but that never pertains to you. thanks for the clarification. Carol

Comment from Jnetgame

Excellent

Great story, so chilling. I only noticed one SPAG:

My heart was palpitating so hard(,) I thought I was going to have a heart attack on the spot.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Jnetgame Those commas will get you every time. Thanks for finding it for me. I can read and reread and still miss things. I think these tired old eyes just see what they think should be there. Thanks for reading and for enjoying. I appreciate it. Carol

Comment from Suzie B

Excellent

carol...whew! Scared the woop outta me...!

This is a first rate horrific story...Serial killers are frighteningly real and out there.
You have this genre by the throat..excuse pun..heheh.
Dialogue, behavior, and ending all flowing beautifully. I am such a fan of this type of excellent work.

I would happily review all day, if everything I read was anywhere near this quality.
Best of luck in the contest, this will be right up there.
Hugs
Suzie

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Suzie You just made me very happy. Got a review that said my story was alright but very unoriginal. Now tell me, is there anything that hasn't been written about by somebody. Then you come along and tell me all those things I want to hear. Thank you my friend for reinstating my confidence. Thank you again. Carol

reply by Suzie B on 07-Aug-2009

Hi Sweetie, I doubt very much that someone somewhere has not written something about everything....whew thats a mouthful.
BUT....What makes each and evry type of telling special, is what the author does with the scenario..you manage to make anything you write fresh, interesting and memorable.

So whoever told you it wasn't an original plot doesn,t understand, our job as writers is to entertain,inform...or just plain scare the whoop out of
someone...the best part is if we have FUN doing it.

You my friend are an AUTHOR.
And a damn fine one.
hugs
Suzie

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Hey, lady you did a wonderful job with this. It kept my attention through the whole story. I couldn't take my eyes of it. Great job. I didn't find any mechanical errors. You deserve six stars, but I have none, sorry.

There were two places I felt you should show instead of tell, but I only one right now.

The heat from his body was driving my desire off the charts. I never wanted the night to end.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Barbara What ...you found no mechanical errors. Check your temp and call me in the morning. LOL I tried real hard on this one...looked for hads, thats and towards over and over. Thank you for the wonderful review. I'll reread later and see if I can beef it up any. Truly appreciate your kind review. Carol

Comment from patwannabe

Excellent

Sheesh, Carol. Wouldn't that be the scariest thing you could ever imagine! OMG, that makes chills. You did a marvelous job of building suspense and bringing it to an end. Wonder how many times the police don't get there in time. Great story, one SPAG:
"Mind if I ask you (to) dance?"
pat

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Pat I'm afraid unfortunately too many young girls go home with the wrong guy... I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the review. Carol

Comment from Aislinge

Excellent

Wow, nicely done. Love the descriptions, esp. 'Paul Newman eyes' and 'police officer convention'. Very vivid in that regard.

Couple things:

"Mind if I ask you do dance?" -is this supposed to be 'ask you to dance'?

Betty wasn't my mother and I didn't like it. --comma after 'mother'?

Love the foreshadowing at the beginning, then the build of anticipation of a romantic evening, and a wonderful turn into fear. Great job!

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Aislinge Thanks so much for the kind review. Had already caught the one spag. Appreciate you letting me know though. Thanks again Carol

Comment from Juliette Chamberlain

Excellent

Some Prince Charming he turned out to be!
Great storyline - very scary. Maybe it will remind some young girl of the dangers of taking home a stranger, especially at a first meeting.


Juliette

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Juliette

I certainly hope so. Never can judge a book by it's cover or a man!! Thanks for the review. Carol

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

I know your always acting crazy should be your
shot between his Paul Newman eyes - I guess women really should listen to that advice about not taking strangers home from bars, even when they're dreamy, huh??? What a dramatic story this is! The bad guys should not look like Paul Newman!! They should all have warts and hunchbacks. Great character development and dialogue and good plot development make this a most engaging read. Brooke

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Brooke...thanks for the review. Maybe the title should be don't judge a book by it's cover or a man!!! Thanks for the wonderful review. I greatly appreciate it! Carol

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

This reads very well and is a very enjoyable entertaining read you brought the characters and situation to life well good luck well done regards Fuller

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009

Fuller Thanks for reading my story and for commenting. I appreciate it. Carol