Reviews from

Flash Fiction

Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Coming Home Again"
Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.

52 total reviews 
Comment from learning_to_write
Excellent
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THis is a really good little story, I likd the way you made use of all the required words. I was an interested tale, best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009
    learning to write

    Thanks for the kind review. I appreciate your comments. CArol
Comment from MJMuraco
Excellent
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Your story is beautiful and emotional. I think you did a great job of getting the horror of the ghetto across and I commend you for taking care of the twins. I think you did a great job of incorporating the words for the contest and think that you have an excellent entry.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009
    MJMuraco

    This was a story that jumped out of my brain and said write me, so I did. I wish they all would come that easy. Thanks for your kind comments. I am glad you enjoyed the story. Carol
Comment from MaureenC
Excellent
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Carol, just a lovely work of flash fiction. So consise. You have covered all of the contest requirements with finesse.
Well done
Hugs and blessings
Maureen

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009
    Maureen

    Thanks for the review. I greatly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from Sarabran
Excellent
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You did a really good job with this writing prompt. You are a very talented lady, and always come up with something good. I enjoyed reading this one. Good luck in the contest. Sarabran

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Sara

    Thank you for the kind words. I love to write and it's much easier when others enjoy it too. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from drivenbackward
Excellent
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Good story, Begin Again. It held my attention well. The ending was a little expected, but that's probably just me. Only one note to consider:

Katie can hear screaming --- Tense change.


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    drivenbackward...Thanks for the review. I just changed that because someone else said it should be Katie could hear. Damn if you do and damn if you don't...I'll go back and read it again. Thanks again...Carol
Comment from Jnetgame
Excellent
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Very good 200 word story. I did the prompt with 100 words (and I know you did too). That was enough challenge for me for awhile. This one is well written. Good luck.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Jnetgame..

    I wasn't going to attempt this and somewhere this story just popped into my mind..Guess it needed writing. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Excellent
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Excellent Begin Again
Your flash story in so few words described so much and gave such clear visions of wht was happening and you closure to me is Perfect

good luck to you.
Gert



 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Gert

    Thank you so much for your kind review. The fears of living in the ghetto must be overwhelming. Being able to escape it and being drawn back would be terrifying. Thanks again Carol
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
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This is a very believable story, BA. You followed the rules and used all of the required words in your entry. Good job! Last line begs for this short fiction to expand...Bravo! Bob


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Bob Thanks for the kind review. It does start a little spark for the story to continue, doesn't it? Thanks agian Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Excellent
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This is very good. I liked the story and unfortunately many of my first graders live that life. I didn't find any mechanical errors, but I'm wondering if you could tweek it a little and get more emotion from it.

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Barbara

    I ran out of words!!! I wrote it with her reading to the children and talking...but it wouldn't fit in the contest requirements. I kept chipping away until this is what I got. I think I am meant to write lavish stories...not condensed versions. Any suggestions? Thanks again Carol
reply by barbara.wilkey on 30-Jul-2009
    Hey, it takes me 300 pages to write a story, there's no way I can condense anything. Just ask my family. I wonder if when, I think her name was Katie hears the gun fire and the fightening, maybe put in expression or body language.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    I just made a small adjustment...See what you think. Carol
reply by barbara.wilkey on 30-Jul-2009
    I think it's better.
Comment from Thesis
Excellent
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Good story. I like how you used the words to make it real.

I had a 1970 Ford Falcon Wagon, talk about a hot car, WooHoo! LOL.

Good luck in the contest. - thesis

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2009

reply by the author on 30-Jul-2009
    Thesis

    Thanks for the kind review. I figured everybody else was thinking of the bird so why not use the car! Thanks again Carol