A Lasting Peace Without the Tears
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Martyr!"Simply my feelings towards a lasting one.
93 total reviews
Comment from fastdigits
A thought provoking piece of prose,
especially topical in the world we live
in.
Your writing is powerful, sort of like
"Letters from Iwo Juma, where people
forget there too we had zealots, martyrs
who cared not for the suffering their insane
mindless destruction caused.
Well done
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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A thought provoking piece of prose,
especially topical in the world we live
in.
Your writing is powerful, sort of like
"Letters from Iwo Juma, where people
forget there too we had zealots, martyrs
who cared not for the suffering their insane
mindless destruction caused.
Well done
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for this review and the compliments. You made a good point.
Comment from NathLong19
This is an amazing piece of writing, exploring the very real threat of martyrs who want to hurt others as well as the true martyrs who give their lives for what they believe in. In the times we live it is important to realise who really has given their lives for the right reasons. really made me think. Your comments at the bottom made this all the more enjoyable, you have real sense of what is going on and it shows. Thankyou for writing such a thought provoking piece!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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This is an amazing piece of writing, exploring the very real threat of martyrs who want to hurt others as well as the true martyrs who give their lives for what they believe in. In the times we live it is important to realise who really has given their lives for the right reasons. really made me think. Your comments at the bottom made this all the more enjoyable, you have real sense of what is going on and it shows. Thankyou for writing such a thought provoking piece!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Something similar to what you have said has weighed on my conscience and I may make a diplomatic suggestion to this effect. To take that power of that word away from the terrorists and place it on their victims. Thank you very much for the generous rating, compliments and this review.
Comment from cruisertrek
Very interesting. at first I thought this poem was in support if terrorism, until I read your end notes, and then it suddenly became clear to me. Nice job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Very interesting. at first I thought this poem was in support if terrorism, until I read your end notes, and then it suddenly became clear to me. Nice job.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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It was designed to rub one the wrong way and then to illustrate the convoluted thinking behind it. Thank you very much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from R.W.L
The picture accentuates the poem. Nice word usage here. The rhythm is pretty good. Good job. Nice imagery and feeling.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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The picture accentuates the poem. Nice word usage here. The rhythm is pretty good. Good job. Nice imagery and feeling.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you, it took me three times longer to find this suitable picture then it did to write the poem. Thank you very much for your compliment and review.
Comment from OwlsandTea
I enjoyed this poem very much...good alignment, and it actually had a decent flow for that short of length.
i always like picking up a poem of underlying reality...nicely done
saoboy
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I enjoyed this poem very much...good alignment, and it actually had a decent flow for that short of length.
i always like picking up a poem of underlying reality...nicely done
saoboy
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for your compliments and review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Wow! What pain and suffering.
Nevertheless, a great piece of
writing. Well written and well
presented. An interesting,
exciting read.
Regards,
Margaret Snowdon
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Wow! What pain and suffering.
Nevertheless, a great piece of
writing. Well written and well
presented. An interesting,
exciting read.
Regards,
Margaret Snowdon
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from Honus X Heppablatte
I suppose this is meant to rhyme in each verse, though it becomes increasingly forced as the piece goes on.
This is shot through with less than stellarnglish and grammar as are the writer's notes. I am curious if English is the poets second language.The first verse is awkward. "My tool to your dread" doesn't set well on the ear, it is spoken with an unnatural tempo..
"my enjoyment is of murder" You don't need the preposition "of" here. My enjoyment is murder would be the proper way to deliver that line.
Those are just a couple of examples but this entire poem is delivered poorly, it is in dire need of editing.
The last thing I will comment on is the verse
To people of my religion, that
might have a better view.
In sending out my message.
Sorry, I also have to sacrifice you!
I have a problem with this because I think it is disingenuous of the speaker.That is, I do not believe that a radical Islamic Terrorist would think that anyone who does not share his extreme views to have a "better view" I think you've broken the fourth wall there and let too much of your opinion into the voice of the speaker.
Don't get me wrong, I agree with your point of view, I just think that it's delivery is hamfisted and needs major consideration.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I suppose this is meant to rhyme in each verse, though it becomes increasingly forced as the piece goes on.
This is shot through with less than stellarnglish and grammar as are the writer's notes. I am curious if English is the poets second language.The first verse is awkward. "My tool to your dread" doesn't set well on the ear, it is spoken with an unnatural tempo..
"my enjoyment is of murder" You don't need the preposition "of" here. My enjoyment is murder would be the proper way to deliver that line.
Those are just a couple of examples but this entire poem is delivered poorly, it is in dire need of editing.
The last thing I will comment on is the verse
To people of my religion, that
might have a better view.
In sending out my message.
Sorry, I also have to sacrifice you!
I have a problem with this because I think it is disingenuous of the speaker.That is, I do not believe that a radical Islamic Terrorist would think that anyone who does not share his extreme views to have a "better view" I think you've broken the fourth wall there and let too much of your opinion into the voice of the speaker.
Don't get me wrong, I agree with your point of view, I just think that it's delivery is hamfisted and needs major consideration.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Disengenous? Have you ever talked to a person that aspouse support for them? Not a terrorist but a Palestinian, I feel he is a good person and get a kick out of him. In short, he preaches that maybe I should be a Muslim because it is the perfect religion, free from vice, free from sin. Then proceeds to justify these acts of terrorism by passing them off as freedom fighters and passing judgement to those that deserve it. Needless to say, I make my points very personal and he doesn't like that saying that goes against God. He is a very bitter person which is what guides his views, not his beliefs. The peom to me fits in with the mentality that supports terrorism.
Rhyming is an aid to me, not a standard. I tend to use it to give a little bit of a better flow. But it is not an endall. Most of the rhymes are simple one. The last I decided to make similar, but won't sacrifice the meaning for the rhyme.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Mike
Comment from Kingsland
I read your notes on this poem
and I find no honor at all for someone of whom murders them self and others at the same time. where is the honor in that? to me one who wants to fight for what he believes does not take the life of others to satisfy their empty soul. all they are, is killers, what does it matter the reason for the killing. it is all just a big excuse to make yourself look like you have done nothing wrong, but a killer is a killer. It matter not the reason why he killed. not when he is just killing any and all that happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I must say here that I totally disagree with your notes. there is no honor in their taking lives to satisfy a belief of all that is against humanity... John
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I read your notes on this poem
and I find no honor at all for someone of whom murders them self and others at the same time. where is the honor in that? to me one who wants to fight for what he believes does not take the life of others to satisfy their empty soul. all they are, is killers, what does it matter the reason for the killing. it is all just a big excuse to make yourself look like you have done nothing wrong, but a killer is a killer. It matter not the reason why he killed. not when he is just killing any and all that happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I must say here that I totally disagree with your notes. there is no honor in their taking lives to satisfy a belief of all that is against humanity... John
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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The only time I believe it is right to kill is when it is a self defence situation or when the actions will aid in the security or a nation or world. I was protraying the total lack of empathy in carrying out their deads. Thank you very much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from P1
this is a truly disturbing piece of work
harrowing due to the fact that there is
such truth in your words. your authors notes
are powerful also. war and violence knows no
barriers, catholic priest, young mother, babies
nobody is safe anymore. thanks for shring. hugs.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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this is a truly disturbing piece of work
harrowing due to the fact that there is
such truth in your words. your authors notes
are powerful also. war and violence knows no
barriers, catholic priest, young mother, babies
nobody is safe anymore. thanks for shring. hugs.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for this review and your compliments.
Comment from GerryMacNeil
I love writing with as much fire as yours shows, but Mike I feel your passion got the better of your poet's heart! In this piece your words come out so fast that you haven't time to reflect upon how they will be read by the reader. For instance, I had to read this portion several times:
Plan and conspire, get angry
and frustrated people aboard,
for this grand ride.
I first read "angry" as a verb, parallel with "plan" and "conspire". It was not until the third reading that I figured out that it is and adjective parallel with "frustrated" in modifying "people." This slowed down the amazing momenturm that your crisp lines build!
You have so much power with words; I would love to see you channel that power to greater effect. I hope you understand that these comments are intended to be constructive!
GerryMacNeil
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I love writing with as much fire as yours shows, but Mike I feel your passion got the better of your poet's heart! In this piece your words come out so fast that you haven't time to reflect upon how they will be read by the reader. For instance, I had to read this portion several times:
Plan and conspire, get angry
and frustrated people aboard,
for this grand ride.
I first read "angry" as a verb, parallel with "plan" and "conspire". It was not until the third reading that I figured out that it is and adjective parallel with "frustrated" in modifying "people." This slowed down the amazing momenturm that your crisp lines build!
You have so much power with words; I would love to see you channel that power to greater effect. I hope you understand that these comments are intended to be constructive!
GerryMacNeil
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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Thank you very much for your review and compliments. I am not an expert at the mechanics but I wrote this with the convoluted logic that a Palestinian neighbor defended the terrorists by. Personally I view him as a good guy, but his anger guides his bitterness and acceptence dispite his claim that Islam is a religion of peace. When he defended the rocket attacks he didn't like the fact that I ranged his house. I wanted to make his arguement up close and personal, he got my point. I didn't threaten, merely suggested that he wouldn't appreciate me to use rockets to disturb his peace.
I'm pretty good at taking things, that is the purpose of reviewing. Mike
