How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Micro-Critter and the Eavesdropper"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
94 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
I read through this chapter, Jay,
Mostly as entertainment, which makes me a poorer reviewer, because when I'm too busy actually reading to get information, I'm more likely to miss the stray comma or out of place word... don't pause long enough to figure out how the combination of reflection/ example/ human parallel to point out a flaw is effective in holding my attention.
I think the theme of this chapter captures and exaggerates, like a magnifying glass, little points of bad... or not even bad, but not connecting pieces of writing where I sit back and go... Technically there's nothing wrong with any of these sentences, but by the love of my eyeballs, why do I sense this is all wrong, wrong, wrong...
Telling and showing are not only super important, they are a hard concept to get across to someone who can't see the difference.
Welsh accent.
(there's humor and a well established tone. Sometimes I find the direct grabbing a bit distracting... where the writer is pitching to me directly and I'm a shy critter, so I want to back away when a thought within a thought is being interrupted to take my hand, so to speak.
The bridge between the two is the imagination, the writer's and the reader's individual ability ...
This is as far as I got into this sentence when my eye and mind demanded that I skip to the next sentence. I don't think it's a bad sentence, but it refused to hold my attention. It is a really long sentence. (I tried twice) I may be a barbarian.
Overall I found myself engrossed in this chapter (save for the one sentence I couldn't get through... grrr. Okay, I'll try again. Nope. I read it through, and by the time I got past the middle, I didn't remember the beginning.
ill-conceived, dialogue.
(I like good dialog. Bad dialog makes me really sad. I'll settle for mediocre, but bad ... sigh. You have a very witty and creative way of exposing writing flaws from a critiquing point of view.)
--Turtle.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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I read through this chapter, Jay,
Mostly as entertainment, which makes me a poorer reviewer, because when I'm too busy actually reading to get information, I'm more likely to miss the stray comma or out of place word... don't pause long enough to figure out how the combination of reflection/ example/ human parallel to point out a flaw is effective in holding my attention.
I think the theme of this chapter captures and exaggerates, like a magnifying glass, little points of bad... or not even bad, but not connecting pieces of writing where I sit back and go... Technically there's nothing wrong with any of these sentences, but by the love of my eyeballs, why do I sense this is all wrong, wrong, wrong...
Telling and showing are not only super important, they are a hard concept to get across to someone who can't see the difference.
Welsh accent.
(there's humor and a well established tone. Sometimes I find the direct grabbing a bit distracting... where the writer is pitching to me directly and I'm a shy critter, so I want to back away when a thought within a thought is being interrupted to take my hand, so to speak.
The bridge between the two is the imagination, the writer's and the reader's individual ability ...
This is as far as I got into this sentence when my eye and mind demanded that I skip to the next sentence. I don't think it's a bad sentence, but it refused to hold my attention. It is a really long sentence. (I tried twice) I may be a barbarian.
Overall I found myself engrossed in this chapter (save for the one sentence I couldn't get through... grrr. Okay, I'll try again. Nope. I read it through, and by the time I got past the middle, I didn't remember the beginning.
ill-conceived, dialogue.
(I like good dialog. Bad dialog makes me really sad. I'll settle for mediocre, but bad ... sigh. You have a very witty and creative way of exposing writing flaws from a critiquing point of view.)
--Turtle.
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Picky, picky, picky ... It's only 62 words long. LOL, I have to agree with you. I read it through and tried to find a way to break it into digestible parts. The only thing I could come up with was this: "The bridge between the two is the imagination, the writer's and the reader's individual ability to visualize and agree together as to what those letters that are strung together in various lengths and separated by strange marks and spaces, mean?and not only what they mean but what image they splash up in some theater a little above and behind our eyes."
I hope that little breathing space helps. Thank you for the heads up! And, most especially, thanks for your kindness and your generous rating.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay...
Indeed, finding the happy balance is key, I believe.
I also believe a good writer can come up with scenarios to pull the reader in by creating new ideas, and not draw the same storyline out.
Sort of like girl chasing boy for the whole book, never to get together 'til the end. BORING. Nothing saying they can't get together, and still there be controversy---mix it up.
Anyway, that's my thinking and I'm sticking to it.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*;*)
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Hi, Jay...
Indeed, finding the happy balance is key, I believe.
I also believe a good writer can come up with scenarios to pull the reader in by creating new ideas, and not draw the same storyline out.
Sort of like girl chasing boy for the whole book, never to get together 'til the end. BORING. Nothing saying they can't get together, and still there be controversy---mix it up.
Anyway, that's my thinking and I'm sticking to it.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*;*)
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Thanks, Jax. Appreciate as always your personal slant on what's goin' on in Jax's head. It all boils down to the writer's skills. This series is more for the new writer on FanStory who needs a starting point on critting. Coincidentally, I've been told this makes a good primer on writing, as well.
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I agree. You bring up valid points and groundwork as a great tool for a new writer to utilize. Well done. (*<*)
Comment from Curly Girly
Yay, Jay! Today I learned more about solid writing skills.
What is a good story about?.... This is what I learnt:
It's about people.
Drama
Conflict
Interaction and the results there of.
START IN THE MIDDLE--it's a great hook.
Agreed: SEX alone, is not a story....[Note from 2015: The above was penned before Fifty Shades of Grey was even a gleam in Hollywood's eye ... ] Lol! Lolli-pop! Lol! Lolita!= great story (can't remember the author though. I suppose I could google it...ah, yes, I just did: Vladimir Nabokov.
CONFLICT is needed.
dialogue
Create a situation where the reader feels like an eavesdropper, and wants to learn more ...
Honey, I got my ear pressed to your bedroom door ... bring it on... (The next chapter) :)
Nicole
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Yay, Jay! Today I learned more about solid writing skills.
What is a good story about?.... This is what I learnt:
It's about people.
Drama
Conflict
Interaction and the results there of.
START IN THE MIDDLE--it's a great hook.
Agreed: SEX alone, is not a story....[Note from 2015: The above was penned before Fifty Shades of Grey was even a gleam in Hollywood's eye ... ] Lol! Lolli-pop! Lol! Lolita!= great story (can't remember the author though. I suppose I could google it...ah, yes, I just did: Vladimir Nabokov.
CONFLICT is needed.
dialogue
Create a situation where the reader feels like an eavesdropper, and wants to learn more ...
Honey, I got my ear pressed to your bedroom door ... bring it on... (The next chapter) :)
Nicole
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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You won't learn a whole lot from my bedroom door, Nicole! The art of the snore. I remember best about Nobokov the fact that he hated children, was a real curmudgeon. He was more noted for his poetry than his prose, and was noted for spending one whole day on the perfect sentence. Actually, he said "word", but I don't believe it. The word would be meaningless without the sentence it went in.
Thanks, once again, for staying aboard.
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Gosh, thanks for that snippet of information. I didn't realise he hated children. He must have been a beast. But it was an interesting film. (I never read the book). It is one story that I am unlikely to forget.
Comment from Spitfire
Ask the first two hundred people you meet on a busy city street, "What was the last story you read about?" If only twenty answer, you'll find a secret to good writing.
Okay, you get the idea. Your opening was long winded. Hence, I condensed it. Now that I know you can handle my bluntness, I'll be honest-- my personal reaction of course. I know you want a casual tone and the sparks of humor are always as asset. I love your examples and quite agree about those two and three pages of description. You'll find them exceptionally well-done in Ken Follett's Pillars of Stone, but he does put people into the picture as well.
I never thought of dialogue as eavesdropping. Interesting concept.
Love that you talked that last scene in Mice and Men. I'm happy to say that most of my students figured out the theme. Same with Lord of the Flies.
Timing is another main concept to consider when writing a story. I learned a lot through studying the craft of writing a play. No time for description there. That first five minutes of dialogue has to hint of serious conflict.
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Ask the first two hundred people you meet on a busy city street, "What was the last story you read about?" If only twenty answer, you'll find a secret to good writing.
Okay, you get the idea. Your opening was long winded. Hence, I condensed it. Now that I know you can handle my bluntness, I'll be honest-- my personal reaction of course. I know you want a casual tone and the sparks of humor are always as asset. I love your examples and quite agree about those two and three pages of description. You'll find them exceptionally well-done in Ken Follett's Pillars of Stone, but he does put people into the picture as well.
I never thought of dialogue as eavesdropping. Interesting concept.
Love that you talked that last scene in Mice and Men. I'm happy to say that most of my students figured out the theme. Same with Lord of the Flies.
Timing is another main concept to consider when writing a story. I learned a lot through studying the craft of writing a play. No time for description there. That first five minutes of dialogue has to hint of serious conflict.
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Thank you, as usual, Shari. Kinda makes me wonder about your crits on my writing before we were friends. LOL, well, for you, dear Shari, the next 5 chapters are gonna be agony. This is a repost, remember. It's been loose and chatty from the beginning. Sink or swim, I won't change that basic thrust (or its lack). By the way I DO like your condensation. We'll use that for the Cliff notes Version.
I do thank you for your kindness and your generous rating for this.
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I belonged to a writing club once and anytime I made suggestions to condense, everyone yelled, "But that's his/her style!"
So I'm careful not to take away anyone's voice. My advice is not to make any changes unless doled out by someone willing to publish it! :-)
Comment from royowen
That's a thought, by conversing with 180 different people, there's accurate enough interesting diversities for a million chapters of various books. Some people are most interesting. I haven't attended a single creative writing class, as I think I've already intimated, but my writing comes from many years of observation, with a dash of perception and empathy, writers who dig my "religious" stuff are already partially there in understanding, because most of it they've thought of anyway, that's not the way to a "God"revelation however, it's much more personal than that, but they have a good "outside" view. I've lived in their world, but they've never lived in mine! So I think that's what your talking about here, living in somebody else's shoes (metaphorically speaking) is the name of the game, very informative, Jay, well done, enjoyable, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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That's a thought, by conversing with 180 different people, there's accurate enough interesting diversities for a million chapters of various books. Some people are most interesting. I haven't attended a single creative writing class, as I think I've already intimated, but my writing comes from many years of observation, with a dash of perception and empathy, writers who dig my "religious" stuff are already partially there in understanding, because most of it they've thought of anyway, that's not the way to a "God"revelation however, it's much more personal than that, but they have a good "outside" view. I've lived in their world, but they've never lived in mine! So I think that's what your talking about here, living in somebody else's shoes (metaphorically speaking) is the name of the game, very informative, Jay, well done, enjoyable, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Bingo! You, the writer had better be out of your shoes when the reader arrives. He's gonna want to wear them. Thanks, Roy. And God Bless.
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You are very perceptive Jay, Roy.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good essay, except for one thing: you repeated the warning against starting with scenery about four times. Remove three of them.
Love this: When the reader reads dialogue is he not eavesdropping? He is listening in on stuff that's really none of his business.
I write mostly dialogue, so that we all can eavesdrop and let the characters tell their own story without my interference. Love the concept of eavesdropping... you hit the bullseye with that one!
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Good essay, except for one thing: you repeated the warning against starting with scenery about four times. Remove three of them.
Love this: When the reader reads dialogue is he not eavesdropping? He is listening in on stuff that's really none of his business.
I write mostly dialogue, so that we all can eavesdrop and let the characters tell their own story without my interference. Love the concept of eavesdropping... you hit the bullseye with that one!
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Thank you, Phyllis. Yeah, I don't know when the epiphany of eavesdropping hit me, but I did like it. I'll check into the starting with scenery.
Comment from cjvaughn
Hey Jay,
Have you ever considered teaching... I mean that in a good way.
I like the way you lay things out and then give example, along with the definitions. It makes it much easier to understand. I like the humor you throw in as well.
Great chapter. some stuff I knew, the starting in the middle... and others were very refreshingly written.
Thanks for sharing this with us... CJ
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2007
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Hey Jay,
Have you ever considered teaching... I mean that in a good way.
I like the way you lay things out and then give example, along with the definitions. It makes it much easier to understand. I like the humor you throw in as well.
Great chapter. some stuff I knew, the starting in the middle... and others were very refreshingly written.
Thanks for sharing this with us... CJ
Comment Written 18-Apr-2007
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2007
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And thank you so much for the compliment.
Jay
Comment from suda
Hello Jay,
The eavesdropper...wow, what a way to put it. I guess the biggest kicker is that it's true. I've never looked at it using this creative concept before. You've brought it home...click, a huge epiphany using a slight change of perception. Great job.
I'm gathering a good deal of information on the 'craft' of writing from you. Thank you for that. It makes sense that the more one knows about the craft the easier it is to crit.
I love the titles of your chapters. It draws me (the reader/writer) into the full blown chapter. Your style keeps me involved, and the pitch at the end for the next chapter has me looking forward to your next posting.
Thanks for sharing. I find your work truly helpful and creative enough to hold my attention.
Susan
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2007
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Hello Jay,
The eavesdropper...wow, what a way to put it. I guess the biggest kicker is that it's true. I've never looked at it using this creative concept before. You've brought it home...click, a huge epiphany using a slight change of perception. Great job.
I'm gathering a good deal of information on the 'craft' of writing from you. Thank you for that. It makes sense that the more one knows about the craft the easier it is to crit.
I love the titles of your chapters. It draws me (the reader/writer) into the full blown chapter. Your style keeps me involved, and the pitch at the end for the next chapter has me looking forward to your next posting.
Thanks for sharing. I find your work truly helpful and creative enough to hold my attention.
Susan
Comment Written 07-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2007
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I could cry, Susan. Thank you so much! You don't know how rewarding it is to have a fellow writer climb out of the trenches long enough to tell another writer he/she is appreciated. [Not that I'm in doubt as to whether I am a he or a she. I know full-well -- if I could just dab away this tear before someone walks in the office.
Love you, girl...
Jay
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All I can say Jay, is that you have a sure talent to keep this girl occupied completely with your well presented information. Your style makes it an entertaining read. Thank you for that (smile). Lessons are much better learned when read with earnest.
Here's to Jay, the writer (two cheers!),
Susan
Comment from simon_morris
Loved the way you built piece upon piece to a justifiable conclusion. Your real beginning was this two ppg segment:
First Entrance of a Character: Story is about conflict and relationship and how relationships change or even how they stay the same because of the conflict. In other words, it's about people doing things to other people. It's about the effects of what is done to one character, or both, or all.
Above all, story is not the writer telling the reader what people are doing to other people, though he/she is careful, even scrupulous, in telling the reader what that conflict is and what effect it has on one character or both or all. Drama! That's what the reader wants. And, he'll settle for nothing less.
I think you should put this in bold print. It is so important and so little seen in the writing on FS that Tom should consider making this one of the clicks we have to perform when we sign the contract before posting.
Great piece of writing, as usual.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2007
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Loved the way you built piece upon piece to a justifiable conclusion. Your real beginning was this two ppg segment:
First Entrance of a Character: Story is about conflict and relationship and how relationships change or even how they stay the same because of the conflict. In other words, it's about people doing things to other people. It's about the effects of what is done to one character, or both, or all.
Above all, story is not the writer telling the reader what people are doing to other people, though he/she is careful, even scrupulous, in telling the reader what that conflict is and what effect it has on one character or both or all. Drama! That's what the reader wants. And, he'll settle for nothing less.
I think you should put this in bold print. It is so important and so little seen in the writing on FS that Tom should consider making this one of the clicks we have to perform when we sign the contract before posting.
Great piece of writing, as usual.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2007
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2007
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Thank you, Milt, as always, for your direction and encouragement. Yes, I think you zeroed in on the two paragraphs that could have started and ended the piece. Except then it would have been slotted as "flash fiction" -- or a new catagory: "Flash Instruction, The Microcrit Learning Pill."
Thanks again.
Jay
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I caught you playing fanstory at work. It is difficult to choose between fanstory pennies and real dollars but try eating fanstory pennies - unless Miluska invites you over for perogies and sacher tortes!
Have a great writing day and sell a few m+ policies so you have something to leave to your children besides a computer filled with fantastic writing.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hmm, I must be the last to pop in here.. Oh, hi Jay. First of all, Happy New Year to you.
So, after trudging a distance of snow blizzard, and yes, I can feel the coldness of the drizzles against my cheeks, I'm ready for the drama to unfold. There again, you wander--no, I don't know any Robert Frost or Dylan Thomas--stop! The bunny's on heat. I can't wait to witness the scene. Not a story? What if it's executed in the act of love? Oh, the romantic strings in me is pulling in that direction.
Conflicts, hmm.. what more conflicts can I add? How to describe the deepest love, the most heartbreaking feeling, the coolest hatred--I'm not that good and rich in vocabularies. Yes, dialogues! I'm all for them. Thanks for stressing on that, but make it simpler next time.
LOL, Jay. Excuse my mumbling. This tend to happen whenever I attempted to review your work. I'll be looking forward to the crashing in dialogues. I rely on those, a lot in my writing.
My best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2007
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Hmm, I must be the last to pop in here.. Oh, hi Jay. First of all, Happy New Year to you.
So, after trudging a distance of snow blizzard, and yes, I can feel the coldness of the drizzles against my cheeks, I'm ready for the drama to unfold. There again, you wander--no, I don't know any Robert Frost or Dylan Thomas--stop! The bunny's on heat. I can't wait to witness the scene. Not a story? What if it's executed in the act of love? Oh, the romantic strings in me is pulling in that direction.
Conflicts, hmm.. what more conflicts can I add? How to describe the deepest love, the most heartbreaking feeling, the coolest hatred--I'm not that good and rich in vocabularies. Yes, dialogues! I'm all for them. Thanks for stressing on that, but make it simpler next time.
LOL, Jay. Excuse my mumbling. This tend to happen whenever I attempted to review your work. I'll be looking forward to the crashing in dialogues. I rely on those, a lot in my writing.
My best wishes to you.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2007
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2007
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Arjuna, did I tell you I love you! I gotta give you a thumbs up for all the sage stuff you mumbled. Yes, my writing tends to reduce people to that.
Jay