How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Micro-Critting"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
97 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
licorice??
Liquorice
I like your approach to advise us on critiquing. Very informative, Jay - always ready to learn. You know I like your style, but I must confess I found this rather hard to concentrate on ... perhaps it's just me - having an
"old" day!!!
If I have a good book in my hands, I struggle to put it down and, as a fast reader, soon get to the end and then am annoyed I've finished it, as once you've read a really good story, it's often difficult to find another as good.
Margaret
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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licorice??
Liquorice
I like your approach to advise us on critiquing. Very informative, Jay - always ready to learn. You know I like your style, but I must confess I found this rather hard to concentrate on ... perhaps it's just me - having an
"old" day!!!
If I have a good book in my hands, I struggle to put it down and, as a fast reader, soon get to the end and then am annoyed I've finished it, as once you've read a really good story, it's often difficult to find another as good.
Margaret
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Licorice. That's how we spell that black, pungent, chewy stuff on this side of the world. I'd never have thought of the other spelling, which makes it sound like it's a "spirit". Licorice is made from anise, from which anisette is derived, which is certainly a Liquor.
Thanks, Margaret for reading. Sorry you were "old" that day. I frequently have those days, and I might as well give up reading then. In defense of your youth, though, it was rather chatty and a tad long. I'm afraid I'll get that criticism from the entire series.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another excellent chapter that gives valuable information to the reader. Are you planning on publishing this book? I didn't find any problems. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Another excellent chapter that gives valuable information to the reader. Are you planning on publishing this book? I didn't find any problems. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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No, Shirley, I don't plan on publishing it. At least the first several chapters are FanStory specific and certainly lean toward computer fiction. I'm just so very pleased it resonates with you--so much so you entered it in the Order of the chartreuse Cross. Bless you for that!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have caught my attention and I am going back to all of my novels and make sure the first few pages will attract my readers attention. By the way, I never let salesmen in my house. If I want something, I will go to them.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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You have caught my attention and I am going back to all of my novels and make sure the first few pages will attract my readers attention. By the way, I never let salesmen in my house. If I want something, I will go to them.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Barbara, what a wonderful thing to say! Thanks so much. I like you much more here than I would have if I'd knocked on your door with my briefcase in hand. LOL, but I have the same aversion for salesmen now, too.
Comment from Adri7enne
You've done a good job convincing the writer that there's a formula to writing a novel and putting up some good examples. This was a teaching chapter. I got the vague idea of what you were going for. I got lost in your stories. How you do go on, Jay. It's your style, of course, the author intrusions. I had to keep alert to destinguish between the stories used to illustrate you points and the present narrative voice. It left me thoroughly confused at time. I'm starting to think I'm too slow to get your story within a story within a dream ideas, Jay. I'm at least convinced that an opening chapter could be refined to include a good hook.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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You've done a good job convincing the writer that there's a formula to writing a novel and putting up some good examples. This was a teaching chapter. I got the vague idea of what you were going for. I got lost in your stories. How you do go on, Jay. It's your style, of course, the author intrusions. I had to keep alert to destinguish between the stories used to illustrate you points and the present narrative voice. It left me thoroughly confused at time. I'm starting to think I'm too slow to get your story within a story within a dream ideas, Jay. I'm at least convinced that an opening chapter could be refined to include a good hook.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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"...your story within a story within a dream ideas," hahahaha, the lad sure do get chatty, huh? You were not alone. I had a lot of fun writing it and tried to sneak in a couple of covert points.
Comment from alexisleech
Now I know why you're such a good 'critter!' Although two or three times the length I'm used to here on FS, you held my attention from start to finish (apart from a pee break when I also grabbed a cup of coffee)I never 'dip in' to books I haven't read from the start, but this one stood well on it's own because of the content.
Your reasoning regarding the salesmanship of an author when he starts and finishes a chapter is spot on. When I start reading a GOOD book, I can't settle until I get to the end, so sometimes end up having a few very late nights. When a book is like that, it proves exactly what you suggest. They've grabbed my attention, so I can't let go.
The only thing that jarred me in this beautifully written piece was; 'I was patient. I patiently waited for the customer to come up.' Perhaps this was intentional, but I would delete the word 'patiently' because the reader already gets the picture. Another way of putting it could be 'I was misguidedly patient' because patience is normally virtue--but it wasn't doing you any favours here.
All in all, this was a great read, and a lovely introduction to your work.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Now I know why you're such a good 'critter!' Although two or three times the length I'm used to here on FS, you held my attention from start to finish (apart from a pee break when I also grabbed a cup of coffee)I never 'dip in' to books I haven't read from the start, but this one stood well on it's own because of the content.
Your reasoning regarding the salesmanship of an author when he starts and finishes a chapter is spot on. When I start reading a GOOD book, I can't settle until I get to the end, so sometimes end up having a few very late nights. When a book is like that, it proves exactly what you suggest. They've grabbed my attention, so I can't let go.
The only thing that jarred me in this beautifully written piece was; 'I was patient. I patiently waited for the customer to come up.' Perhaps this was intentional, but I would delete the word 'patiently' because the reader already gets the picture. Another way of putting it could be 'I was misguidedly patient' because patience is normally virtue--but it wasn't doing you any favours here.
All in all, this was a great read, and a lovely introduction to your work.
Alexis x
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Bless you for the sixer, Alexis, and the sterling commentary. About the patient/patiently ... it was intentional. Anyone who has sold anything (as opposed to being a retail order taker) knows you don't wait patiently for some one to come up and say, "I want to buy your product." That said, I look for repetition, as well, in posts I crit, so I understand your pointing it out. And since it was so intrusive to you, I promise I will take a closer look at it. Meanwhile, again let me thank you for your support.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
I found your inclusion of Alice and Billy to be a perfect example of overwriting, a perennial flaw I see in new writers on site who think they need to catalogue the characters every move.
I found your story about sitting at your desk waiting for a customer to beg you to sell a policy very funny. My first husband decided--yes--decided he would be a real estate agent, went to school, got his licence, then equated hard work as sitting in the office waiting for a customer. Hell, he had to borrow my company car to take clients out--not that there were many, and after one year, had not sold a single unit. I gave him a very special real-estate 'anniversary' present--a divorce.
Did you really flat out lie to the customer about the retirement income?
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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I found your inclusion of Alice and Billy to be a perfect example of overwriting, a perennial flaw I see in new writers on site who think they need to catalogue the characters every move.
I found your story about sitting at your desk waiting for a customer to beg you to sell a policy very funny. My first husband decided--yes--decided he would be a real estate agent, went to school, got his licence, then equated hard work as sitting in the office waiting for a customer. Hell, he had to borrow my company car to take clients out--not that there were many, and after one year, had not sold a single unit. I gave him a very special real-estate 'anniversary' present--a divorce.
Did you really flat out lie to the customer about the retirement income?
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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"I gave him a very special real-estate 'anniversary' present--a divorce." Okay, you had to say that when I had a mouthful of chocolate milkshake. Now the screen owns it.
Oh, no, no, no, I hope it didn't come across that I actually did that, but it had to enter my mind a dozen times during the presentation. We had "guaranteed rates of return" and "assumed rates of return (which were based on the current interest rate). The difference was 4 1/2 percent on the one end and upwards to 11 percent on the other. The company smiled, winked and turned their heads at what the agent chose to told his customer. They wouldn't hesitate to throw the agent under the bus if he ever got caught NOT telling his customer that we may not pay out the "assumed" rate. Resisting not being ethical and moral is a full-time job. But that's true in all of today's relationships, and in one's writings. Correct?
Thanks, Ingrid! I appreciate your kindness and your honest inquiry at the end.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting addition to the series that the author has created with this piece of work. I like thus background information that you have provided. This is extremely helpful. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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This is yet another interesting addition to the series that the author has created with this piece of work. I like thus background information that you have provided. This is extremely helpful. Well done.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Thank you, Tomes. Glad you took away something from it.
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I did indeed
Comment from Sis Cat
This is the only FanStory series I know of in which I award the writer a six first and then I read the post. I know I am going to have a good time and be informed.
What struck me about this post was your apt metaphor that compared a writer to a salesperson. You break down how the title, the beginning, and ending are all part of a sales effort. I think a lot of writers would do better if they think of themselves as salespeople. Your background helped this piece. I always learn something from you which I can apply or which confirms my own writing.
One spag is that a period is needed before "It" in
"movement" of the piece It is best . . .
I will reread your previous story to answer your question as to whether or not you should continue it.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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This is the only FanStory series I know of in which I award the writer a six first and then I read the post. I know I am going to have a good time and be informed.
What struck me about this post was your apt metaphor that compared a writer to a salesperson. You break down how the title, the beginning, and ending are all part of a sales effort. I think a lot of writers would do better if they think of themselves as salespeople. Your background helped this piece. I always learn something from you which I can apply or which confirms my own writing.
One spag is that a period is needed before "It" in
"movement" of the piece It is best . . .
I will reread your previous story to answer your question as to whether or not you should continue it.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Thank you (more than you can know) for your encouraging words. I already know, because I answered it elsewhere, that you reread the novella and your feel for it as read all together. You are such a blessed asset!
Comment from royowen
Some stories one can read even if they're long, but a lot of the time some stories that p are long, are without a hook, and I have to read them in sections,. As my wife says readers have short attention spans, some writers don't understand that and say it has to be at 14000 words, or the story loses its essence, or rather the reader shoots himself, because he can't make it past 1000 words so reviewing is a funny thing. I got the salesman thing, I was a very good luncher, in the 5 years or so I did it, so my career only lasted about 5years, well done, with your series, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Some stories one can read even if they're long, but a lot of the time some stories that p are long, are without a hook, and I have to read them in sections,. As my wife says readers have short attention spans, some writers don't understand that and say it has to be at 14000 words, or the story loses its essence, or rather the reader shoots himself, because he can't make it past 1000 words so reviewing is a funny thing. I got the salesman thing, I was a very good luncher, in the 5 years or so I did it, so my career only lasted about 5years, well done, with your series, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Well, I'm happy you got something out of the salesman analogy. I'm not quite sure whether you read the whole thing or not, but what your wife says is correct. My attention span is okay, but my interest span is short. Thus the hook. I got a little chatty on this-- well, on all of this series really. For some reason most of the readers like that aspect of it. Stick around, it'll get better... or not. But I need you. Blessings, Roy.
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My failings are not the same as others, but I battle by, I try to honour commitments, thanks Jay, you are gracious,
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Sounds like you were smoking something or drinking something when you wrote this. Eventually you got to the point and the examples were good, showing both good and bad openers. This could easily be cut in half and be easier to comprehend. As it is, you seem to have broken your own rule with all the jabbering in the first half. But then you wrote this a long time ago. Surely you'd not be so self-indulgent if you were to do it again, being more aware of the need to write for the reader, not for yourself. :)
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Sounds like you were smoking something or drinking something when you wrote this. Eventually you got to the point and the examples were good, showing both good and bad openers. This could easily be cut in half and be easier to comprehend. As it is, you seem to have broken your own rule with all the jabbering in the first half. But then you wrote this a long time ago. Surely you'd not be so self-indulgent if you were to do it again, being more aware of the need to write for the reader, not for yourself. :)
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Ouch! The kid do ramble, though. I was wondering when I read it over before posting if I would be getting that type of comment. The changes I made in the pre-post edit, though, were in form, not content. Thank you for your candor, Phyllis. Sincerely. and your post-crit smiley face.