The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "The Return Chapter 19"Erotic Turmoil
40 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is quite a chapter, Sandra, that is full of mystery.
-You did a good job keeping suspense going, especially at the end.
-I like how you have small bits of information as Margot and Bessie are
looking at the note and comparing handwriting.
-Then, they are trying to figure out what to do with the information and exactly what it all means.
-Margot's reaction to what was in the attic was good since she had seen it in her own time.
-The mystery continues with the mention of Meg's birthday party, and then the focus shifts to Gwendolyn and Richard.
-A great job with that. I remember she had been growing something in the garden, and wonder if she had used that yet. Everything seemed to be going her way, and then Richard heard about the party and Meg and Miles.
-Your description of the change in him was excellent, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him!!
-Well done!!!
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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-This is quite a chapter, Sandra, that is full of mystery.
-You did a good job keeping suspense going, especially at the end.
-I like how you have small bits of information as Margot and Bessie are
looking at the note and comparing handwriting.
-Then, they are trying to figure out what to do with the information and exactly what it all means.
-Margot's reaction to what was in the attic was good since she had seen it in her own time.
-The mystery continues with the mention of Meg's birthday party, and then the focus shifts to Gwendolyn and Richard.
-A great job with that. I remember she had been growing something in the garden, and wonder if she had used that yet. Everything seemed to be going her way, and then Richard heard about the party and Meg and Miles.
-Your description of the change in him was excellent, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him!!
-Well done!!!
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much, Pam, for this lovely review. I think I posted it a bit too soon, I had a 4 star review pointing out some nits. Some were not errors, just UK English spelling, and the UK single speach quotes. But he did spot some I'd missed.
Gwendolyn and Richard will be in a couple more chapters, before.....
I'm so pleased you thought I'd written that part well. It took ages. And thank you, my dear friend, for the lovely sixth star. I really appreciate the review and the stars. Love and hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. I guess there is a lot between Gwendolyn and Richard based on their exchange. I will look forward to Bessie and Margot's continuing investigation.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It sounds like Meg and Bessie have found some of the proof they need. You have written a really reviling description of Richard's fury. He is not a nice man. I will be happy to see how they bring him down. Well done, Sandra. xxx Nancy:)
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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It sounds like Meg and Bessie have found some of the proof they need. You have written a really reviling description of Richard's fury. He is not a nice man. I will be happy to see how they bring him down. Well done, Sandra. xxx Nancy:)
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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You will get your wish, Nancy. Gwendolyn really hates her husband. Thank you so much for this lovely review, dear Nancy, and the golden star! I'm glad you are still enjoying the story. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Good read. I know I am missing much of the story, but I figured out, before you even told us, that this had something to do with time-travel; and that has always intrigued me. Good job. A few suggestions.
Your use of single quotes can be confusing. Typically, single quotes are used for quotes within quotes. Double quotes being used most other times.
1st line of the 1st para after Charles' suicide note: 'looking up and Bessie.' I think should be 'looking up AT Bessie.'
11th and 12th para after the suicide note. You are switching back and forth between I's and I've. I had a little problem with the I's to begin with, since most of the other dialogue did not evidence that type of influence on the language, but to switch back and forth could really be confusing or even annoying. For instance, in the 12th para I might expect to see you's rather than you've, based on the earlier usage of I's.
Para 18 after the suicide note: 'documents, into' should be 'documents in,' The comma should come after the preposition 'into' and the preposition 'into' should only be 'in'
Paragraph just after Richard's reaction to the news from Gwendolyn: I think 'harboured' should be spelled 'harbored' in 'harboured her for years.' I also believe the word 'for' is missing between 'harboured' and 'her'.
Next paragraph: 'out the room' should be 'out OF the room.'
I loved the colorful description of Richard's reaction after hearing news of his sister's birthday party. Very animated. Not knowing the rest of the story, I have no idea why he was so angered but your vivid description of him paints a clear picture of his fury.
CHACTERS
Margot Crawley
5th line: 'that is impossible' should be 'that ARE impossible'
Miles Brandon
I think the whole paragraph is actually only one sentence. If so;
1st line: Should be a comma between 'suicide' and 'creating'
2nd line: Should be a comma after gambling, not a period.
Lord Crawley
1st line: I think there is a double space between the words 'suggested' and 'shame.'
Mr. Turnbull
2nd line: You say he 'marries her off...' based on the rest of the story I can only assume the 'her' in this instance is 'Gwendolyn.' but in Gwendolyn's description you say she is married to Richard. And earlier you said, 'Miles was told to call off the wedding'. I don't see how Gwendolyn could possibly be married to Miles, based on those two facts.
I did notice in your afterthoughts that you said this is written in UK English. That explains the use of single quotes. Thanks for that explanation. It may also explain your spelling of 'harboured.'
Sounds like a real spell-binder, maybe I will get the chance to read the other chapters?
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reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Good read. I know I am missing much of the story, but I figured out, before you even told us, that this had something to do with time-travel; and that has always intrigued me. Good job. A few suggestions.
Your use of single quotes can be confusing. Typically, single quotes are used for quotes within quotes. Double quotes being used most other times.
1st line of the 1st para after Charles' suicide note: 'looking up and Bessie.' I think should be 'looking up AT Bessie.'
11th and 12th para after the suicide note. You are switching back and forth between I's and I've. I had a little problem with the I's to begin with, since most of the other dialogue did not evidence that type of influence on the language, but to switch back and forth could really be confusing or even annoying. For instance, in the 12th para I might expect to see you's rather than you've, based on the earlier usage of I's.
Para 18 after the suicide note: 'documents, into' should be 'documents in,' The comma should come after the preposition 'into' and the preposition 'into' should only be 'in'
Paragraph just after Richard's reaction to the news from Gwendolyn: I think 'harboured' should be spelled 'harbored' in 'harboured her for years.' I also believe the word 'for' is missing between 'harboured' and 'her'.
Next paragraph: 'out the room' should be 'out OF the room.'
I loved the colorful description of Richard's reaction after hearing news of his sister's birthday party. Very animated. Not knowing the rest of the story, I have no idea why he was so angered but your vivid description of him paints a clear picture of his fury.
CHACTERS
Margot Crawley
5th line: 'that is impossible' should be 'that ARE impossible'
Miles Brandon
I think the whole paragraph is actually only one sentence. If so;
1st line: Should be a comma between 'suicide' and 'creating'
2nd line: Should be a comma after gambling, not a period.
Lord Crawley
1st line: I think there is a double space between the words 'suggested' and 'shame.'
Mr. Turnbull
2nd line: You say he 'marries her off...' based on the rest of the story I can only assume the 'her' in this instance is 'Gwendolyn.' but in Gwendolyn's description you say she is married to Richard. And earlier you said, 'Miles was told to call off the wedding'. I don't see how Gwendolyn could possibly be married to Miles, based on those two facts.
I did notice in your afterthoughts that you said this is written in UK English. That explains the use of single quotes. Thanks for that explanation. It may also explain your spelling of 'harboured.'
Sounds like a real spell-binder, maybe I will get the chance to read the other chapters?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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UK English is a lot different to American English with spellings and punctuation. Harboured, coloured, are just two words that aren't the same, we also use double LL where you use a single one. Single quotes are a requirement in UK English.
As this is the first time you've read my work, I can understand why you would pick up on such things.
You've raised other issues that I agree with. Bessie is the one who gets her 'were and was' wrong, and always says, I's. I'll go over it again to see if I've made some mistakes with that. Thanks for pointing that out. The other things mentioned I'll check over, I already agree with many. It's funny, but I always say 'out the door, and not, out of the door. I'll correct that, too.
In my defence, (lol) you have it wrong in the 'character' list. Miles wasn't betrothed to Gwendolyn, it was Meg. Richard Crawley is married to Gwendolyn (daughter of Mr Turnbull) and Richard is Meg Crawley's brother. He fell out with his mother and sister years ago. I don't understand what you mean by Miles being married to Gwendolyn? It doesn't say that anywhere. Miles was told to call off the wedding with Meg.
Thank you for taking the time to go through this chapter, and for pointing those out. I would love it if you start from the beginning. I appreciate reviews like this one. Thanks again and have a lovely week! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, that wasn't the reaction that I was expecting either, but it sure puts this reader's mind to thinking. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter to get my Sunday morning off with a bang. :-)
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Wow, that wasn't the reaction that I was expecting either, but it sure puts this reader's mind to thinking. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter to get my Sunday morning off with a bang. :-)
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Aw, thanks, Ric. It was hard to get that just right. I'm glad you think I've pulled it off. Thanks so much for the lovely review, my friend. Have a wonderful day. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from BethShelby
Apparently Richard intends to stop the party planned for Meg. Gwendolyn isn't a very happen character. She didn't get the reaction she hoped rom from him and not she is afraid of him. I'm continuing to enjoy the story.
It sounds like Meg and Bessie have found some of the proof they need.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Apparently Richard intends to stop the party planned for Meg. Gwendolyn isn't a very happen character. She didn't get the reaction she hoped rom from him and not she is afraid of him. I'm continuing to enjoy the story.
It sounds like Meg and Bessie have found some of the proof they need.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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That's his plan, but will he succeed? We'll see. Thank you so much, Beth, for another lovely review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from Pantygynt
The picture of anger and hate at he end of this was well drawn. Any old mayhem could happen now I guess. The earlier part built up the evidence gradually and believably for what is after all a supernatural tale. i have to keep pinching myself to remember that from time to time.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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The picture of anger and hate at he end of this was well drawn. Any old mayhem could happen now I guess. The earlier part built up the evidence gradually and believably for what is after all a supernatural tale. i have to keep pinching myself to remember that from time to time.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I'm glad you thought the anger and hate came across well, it took me ages! Lol. Thanks so much, Jim, for another lovely review, and the golden star.
I think it might be a bit too late for a chat tonight after the race, if you're around early afternoon tomorrow?? Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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I would love to review the race but I have a dental appointment tomorrow pm so how about Tuesday?
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That will be fine. I look forward to it. Just read your chapter. Excellent! xx
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Sandra, this is a compelling continuation to the story. Margot, and especially Bessie, find new evidence to the foul play that took place against Meg and her father. Richard has really showed his true and ugly face. I love the way you show how they dressed and behaved back in those days.
I can't wait for the continuation. As you know, I love this story. A big hug. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Wow, Sandra, this is a compelling continuation to the story. Margot, and especially Bessie, find new evidence to the foul play that took place against Meg and her father. Richard has really showed his true and ugly face. I love the way you show how they dressed and behaved back in those days.
I can't wait for the continuation. As you know, I love this story. A big hug. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Aww, Thank you, Ulla, what a lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. Now the action has begun!! Thanks so very much for the golden star, that is so kind of you. I'm glad to see you on here this week, I've missed you. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
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I'm glad to be back as well, but the rain kept me away. I now have so much repair to be done to my walls. Last Wednesday, water entered my house for the first time ever in its 122 years. It's incredible the amount of rain we've had. Roads are ruined and damage everywhere. Now the weather has finally changed to normal, and it's going y stay that way. Thank goodness.
You know I so love your story.A warm hug back to you. Ulla xxx
Comment from John Ciarmello
You simply never disappoint, my friend. The imagery in these scenes is incredible. I live every scene in this story. It's like having my own meg and Miles, lol. Anyway, I'm gushing. It's sensational as usual. We'll be waiting......... :))
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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You simply never disappoint, my friend. The imagery in these scenes is incredible. I live every scene in this story. It's like having my own meg and Miles, lol. Anyway, I'm gushing. It's sensational as usual. We'll be waiting......... :))
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter, John. Thank you so very much for the wonderful comments. You know I always appreciate your thoughts. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from tfawcus
Another gripping chapter, Sandra. I liked this action tag: Margot pulled her hair to the front of her shoulder and with slow, absentminded movements, twisted a lock through her fingers.
Also, you have written a really intense description of Richard's fury.
It sounds as though Margot and Bessie are making good progress.
Just one edit noticed: Richard(')s was already poured
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Another gripping chapter, Sandra. I liked this action tag: Margot pulled her hair to the front of her shoulder and with slow, absentminded movements, twisted a lock through her fingers.
Also, you have written a really intense description of Richard's fury.
It sounds as though Margot and Bessie are making good progress.
Just one edit noticed: Richard(')s was already poured
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Aw, Thank you, Tony. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter. I'm trying to take Gareth's (gman) lesson's more on board, and will be going through each chapter to see if I can improve them. I've learned so much from you all since I began novel writing.
Thank you so much for the golden star, that was the cherry on top of your lovely review. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lancellot
A well written chapter. They are finding needed clues, but not all the information. Bread crumbs. The suicide note was a limited, and odd. Why leave your wife to the mercy of those who destroyed you?
Good work; waiting for the next chapter.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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A well written chapter. They are finding needed clues, but not all the information. Bread crumbs. The suicide note was a limited, and odd. Why leave your wife to the mercy of those who destroyed you?
Good work; waiting for the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Lance. Some men are weak when it comes to 'manning up' to their responsibilites, others go down fighting. I think I've created the weak man. Thanks, my friend, I really appreciate your thoughts on my chapters. Warm hugs, Sandra xx