Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Betrayal Chapter 7"In the title.
42 total reviews
Comment from L. Kalere
What I really like about your writing is how easily and natural the dialog flows. The plot thickens now...looking forward to listening in on the phone call.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
  |
What I really like about your writing is how easily and natural the dialog flows. The plot thickens now...looking forward to listening in on the phone call.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Aw, what can I say, another of your precious sixes, thank you so very much! I really liked your comment about the natural flow, that is one thing I've been trying to improve and for you to say that is so encouraging. Thank you, my friend. Another warm hug! Sandra xxx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
He threw a wobbly?!!! What on earth is that? I love reading these pieces from other places as they are so enlightening as to our cultural -dialogue differences. Such fun!
I'm loving that she has a heads up that he's gonna call, even though she knew he probably would.
One small note:
--> The table was all set, and all she had to do was retrieve the plates warming in the oven.
--> delete the first 'all'
Thanks!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
 |
Sandra,
He threw a wobbly?!!! What on earth is that? I love reading these pieces from other places as they are so enlightening as to our cultural -dialogue differences. Such fun!
I'm loving that she has a heads up that he's gonna call, even though she knew he probably would.
One small note:
--> The table was all set, and all she had to do was retrieve the plates warming in the oven.
--> delete the first 'all'
Thanks!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
I've deleted the 'all' thank you! To throw a wobbly, is a bit like children stamping their feet in frustration because they can't get their own way. We do have some colourful words, lol. Thank you so much, my dear friend, for another of your lovely, very helpful reviews. I really appreciate them. Warm hugs, and lots of love. Sandra xxx
Comment from damommy
Well, I finally caught up in this wonderful story. Shame on you for leaving us handing that this. I can't wait to see what that worm Colin has to say. At least, Tania's prepared for him.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
Well, I finally caught up in this wonderful story. Shame on you for leaving us handing that this. I can't wait to see what that worm Colin has to say. At least, Tania's prepared for him.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Aw, thank you so much, Yvonne, I'm so pleased you like my story. More, I'm glad you are back writing again and reading. Your reviews mean a lot to me, my friend. Thank you. Warm hugs and lots of love. Sandra xx
-
I'm trying hard to get on with normalcy. It's hard. In fact, I had a slight meltdown in my review to Sally Law. I need to keep all this to myself. I appreciate your love and support always.
-
No, Yvonne, you DON'T need to keep this all to yourself. you need to 'talk' it out as and when it hits you. That is the only way you can move forward. If you need to chat to someone who you are never likely to meet in this world, I'm always at the end of a PM. Love you lots. xxxx
-
Don't be surprised if I take you up on that. I can't tell how painful this if and I'm so lonesome. I promise not to make a nuisance of myself. Thanks for the offer, my dear friend.
-
You will never be a nuisance, Yvonne. I have the biggest ears and the broadest shoulders. They are yours when you need them. Don't forget I'm in bed when you are having your dinner at 8 pm. Just get it out. xxxxx
-
Okay. I know the time distance. Thank you so much.
Comment from juliaSjames
Great natural sounding dialogue in this chapter, Sandra. You draw the reader in with your detailed description of the friends chatting over takeaway and wine. I'm glad you added the wine spill to introduce fluidity (sic). Perhaps you overdid the details just the tiniest bit, for example the reader doesn't need to know everything about getting a stain out of a skirt.
The narrative is coming along nicely. I'm intrigued that you show Tania's susceptible side with regard to Colin, after her strong display with Grant.
A few editing suggestions
"Tania took the bag holding the containers of Chinese take-away from Monica, leaving her free to take her coat off, and went into the kitchen." - suggest deleting "leaving her free to take her coat off"
"retrieve the plates she'd had warming in the oven." - suggest deleting "she'd had" to improve the flow
"Before tucking in, they clinked glasses. 'Bottoms up!' - perhaps " cheers" since it's wine
"Tania was sat with her..." - "Tania was sitting"
Looking forward to the continuation.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
Great natural sounding dialogue in this chapter, Sandra. You draw the reader in with your detailed description of the friends chatting over takeaway and wine. I'm glad you added the wine spill to introduce fluidity (sic). Perhaps you overdid the details just the tiniest bit, for example the reader doesn't need to know everything about getting a stain out of a skirt.
The narrative is coming along nicely. I'm intrigued that you show Tania's susceptible side with regard to Colin, after her strong display with Grant.
A few editing suggestions
"Tania took the bag holding the containers of Chinese take-away from Monica, leaving her free to take her coat off, and went into the kitchen." - suggest deleting "leaving her free to take her coat off"
"retrieve the plates she'd had warming in the oven." - suggest deleting "she'd had" to improve the flow
"Before tucking in, they clinked glasses. 'Bottoms up!' - perhaps " cheers" since it's wine
"Tania was sat with her..." - "Tania was sitting"
Looking forward to the continuation.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Hi Julia, thank you so much for this lovely review, and really helpful edits. I'm going to go through them once I've finished this reply. I'm always so amazed at how helpful everyone is here. If it hadn't been for people like you showing an interest in my writing, I wouldn't be doing this now. You are so kind. Thank you! I'm delighted you enjoyed this chapter. Things will be turning. :)) Warm hugs, Sandra xx
-
You're welcome dear Sandra. It's clear that you have a kind and loving personality so kindness will always flow back to you
Blessings Julia
-
Somehow this came up twice! Lol.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha ð???the old Bastard has no shame, he wants the money and the fame but he is no game for fairness. I hope both Tania and Grant will teach him a lesson.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
Ha, ha ð???the old Bastard has no shame, he wants the money and the fame but he is no game for fairness. I hope both Tania and Grant will teach him a lesson.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Things will come to a head, but who's head? Thank you so very much, Iza, for this really lovely review. I'm so grateful to you for your wonderful encouraging words, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Those two are out to get Colin and he deserves it. It seems things are going in her favor at this time and I'm thinking he will fall into their trap and be found out. This is an interesting plot, Sandra. You are showing what a talented author you are. Well done, Dear, Nancy xxx
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
Those two are out to get Colin and he deserves it. It seems things are going in her favor at this time and I'm thinking he will fall into their trap and be found out. This is an interesting plot, Sandra. You are showing what a talented author you are. Well done, Dear, Nancy xxx
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
What a lovely thing to say, Nancy. You have no idea what my tummy is doing the moment I press 'post'. I'm still not as confident as I am with my poetry. Probably because I've written poems all my life. This is still so new to me. (3 bks in the trilogy, 4 books in Erics adventures, and now this one and I'm still nervous!!) I'm so pleased you have given me the thumbs up for this story. It means a lot having you read it. Sending you a warm hug, dear friend. How is your eyesight? Love you lots. Sandra xxx
-
It's bad! I have to give up a lot of reviews because of it. Thanks for asking.xxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
It's Colin on the phone. I know it is and I can't wait for Tania to handle him. I know she will and I have a feeling Grant will help her as they draw closer. I can't wait for it to unfold.
Putting her other hand in front of her mouth, she mumbled that she'd tell her when they'd finished their meal. (that is an unnecessary word in this sentence and can be omitted.)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
It's Colin on the phone. I know it is and I can't wait for Tania to handle him. I know she will and I have a feeling Grant will help her as they draw closer. I can't wait for it to unfold.
Putting her other hand in front of her mouth, she mumbled that she'd tell her when they'd finished their meal. (that is an unnecessary word in this sentence and can be omitted.)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much for the lovely sixer, Barbara, and that wonderful review. There will be some shocks and surprises coming soon. :)) Thank you for picking up that word. All sorted!! Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. It reads well with much info and details about the plans etc. I like the conversational approach of Monica and Tania in planning their next moves. Everything seems natural. I like the way they know how devious Colin is and are just waiting for him to incriminate himself about how he obtained the plans.
Thanks for sharing. I see lots of possibilities for future chapters based on the details of this one.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
You did a great job with this chapter, Sandra. It reads well with much info and details about the plans etc. I like the conversational approach of Monica and Tania in planning their next moves. Everything seems natural. I like the way they know how devious Colin is and are just waiting for him to incriminate himself about how he obtained the plans.
Thanks for sharing. I see lots of possibilities for future chapters based on the details of this one.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Thank you so much, Jan, for another lovely review. I'm so pleased you liked the way the two women were planning their move against Colin. Lots of surprises ahead. Warm hugs, dear friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from BethShelby
I am really enjoying this story. It sounds as though in order to clear her name, Tania feels she needs to talk to Colin and maybe tape what he has to say. I get the impression that she isn't aware that he is Grant's half brother. I would have thought she might have learned that while they were dating. You left us with a cliff hanger. I'm guessing that Colin is on the phone.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
I am really enjoying this story. It sounds as though in order to clear her name, Tania feels she needs to talk to Colin and maybe tape what he has to say. I get the impression that she isn't aware that he is Grant's half brother. I would have thought she might have learned that while they were dating. You left us with a cliff hanger. I'm guessing that Colin is on the phone.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Bless your heart, Beth! Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, and fabulous review. You will learn why Tania didn't know Colin is Grants half-brother soon. Lots of shocks and surprises coming up. Thank you, dear friend. Warm hugs, love Sandra xxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
"One ringy dingy," as Lily Tomlin would say, if you even have a clue who she is fifty-years later. Knowing the phone would soon ring, you now have us all glued to our seats for what will happen next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
"One ringy dingy," as Lily Tomlin would say, if you even have a clue who she is fifty-years later. Knowing the phone would soon ring, you now have us all glued to our seats for what will happen next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner, I remember them well. Lilly must be getting on a bit now. Thank you so much for this amazing review, Ric, and all those shiny stars, you will get a humongous hug winging its way over to you for being so gorgeous! I'm glad you're waiting for the next part. Thank you, dear friend. Lots of love Sandra xxx