Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Betrayal Chapter 6"In the title.
44 total reviews
Comment from DeboraDyess
Okay, now to see how they move forward from the meeting!
massaged his forehead which was promising >> massaged his forehead, which was promising
he growled; angry with himself >> he growled, angry with himself >> I think this should be a comma. It's expanding on his emotion. A semicolon connects two independent clauses. The second half of this isn't. :)
about the plans--' The intercom bleeped. >> Separate paragraph
There was a silence at the other end of the line. 'Colin? Are you still there?'
>> I think separate paragraphs here, too. It will make for several short paragraphs, but it will be a bit easier on the reader.
unavoidable question ... what about the >> unavoidable question ... What about the
Lorna, frowned, unable to understand Grant's >>Lorna frowned, unable to understand Grant's >> remove comma
Grant stood up and went over to the coffee machine. 'Coffee?' he asked her. >> No need to say 'up'. No other way to stand. lo (I do that all the time and have to catch myself!) Also the back to back 'coffee' feels weird. Is there another word for the coffee pot? I'm a tea-drinker, so I don't even own one, but it's just a thought. MIght have him ask if she'd like a cup...
SUCH A GREAT STORY! I'm a sucker for a good romance novel. This feels very Hallmark-y. Loving this.
I gave you the five because I know you'll go in and fix the errors. No worries about the personal preferences! :)
Blessings,
Debs
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Okay, now to see how they move forward from the meeting!
massaged his forehead which was promising >> massaged his forehead, which was promising
he growled; angry with himself >> he growled, angry with himself >> I think this should be a comma. It's expanding on his emotion. A semicolon connects two independent clauses. The second half of this isn't. :)
about the plans--' The intercom bleeped. >> Separate paragraph
There was a silence at the other end of the line. 'Colin? Are you still there?'
>> I think separate paragraphs here, too. It will make for several short paragraphs, but it will be a bit easier on the reader.
unavoidable question ... what about the >> unavoidable question ... What about the
Lorna, frowned, unable to understand Grant's >>Lorna frowned, unable to understand Grant's >> remove comma
Grant stood up and went over to the coffee machine. 'Coffee?' he asked her. >> No need to say 'up'. No other way to stand. lo (I do that all the time and have to catch myself!) Also the back to back 'coffee' feels weird. Is there another word for the coffee pot? I'm a tea-drinker, so I don't even own one, but it's just a thought. MIght have him ask if she'd like a cup...
SUCH A GREAT STORY! I'm a sucker for a good romance novel. This feels very Hallmark-y. Loving this.
I gave you the five because I know you'll go in and fix the errors. No worries about the personal preferences! :)
Blessings,
Debs
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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That was a brilliant review, Debs. I've made all the changes now. My only excuse is I've been on tablets this week for my chest, it's been very wheezy. Of course that would affect my brain as it's lodged there somewhere behind my ribs! Lol. I really appreciate this review, my friend, thank you so very much. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
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I'll be in prayer for your breathing issue! Is it seasonal junk or something more intense? and feel free to tell me to bug off! I can pray and not have all the details. God knows exactly what's up with your wheezy self! :)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well, Grant is getting closer to the truth, Colin is a thief. He knows now he will have to eat a lot of crow before Tania will agree to selling him her plans. I like this story, Sandra. Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Well, Grant is getting closer to the truth, Colin is a thief. He knows now he will have to eat a lot of crow before Tania will agree to selling him her plans. I like this story, Sandra. Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Nancy. Grant does have a lot of apologising to do. But... We well see what happens next. Lol. Thanks, dear friend, for your continued support, you're a lovely lady. Warm hugs and love. Sandra xxx
Comment from damommy
I've jumped in the middle of the story. I like what I read, and now I'm going back to catch up. Sounds like there's some skullduggery going on, and I want to be in on it. lol
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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I've jumped in the middle of the story. I like what I read, and now I'm going back to catch up. Sounds like there's some skullduggery going on, and I want to be in on it. lol
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Aw, Yvonne. Bless your heart, thank you so much. You've brought a lump in my throat. Yes, there is skullduggery, (love that word) plenty of it. I really appreciate you doing this, my dear friend. Love you lots. Sandra xxxx
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, yes it's an awful mess and I wonder what he will do. I love the story line. I always like when there's deceit in a story. And it appears there's plenty of that in this one. It's well written and your story is developing nicely. Well done, my friend. Ulla xxxx
I understand you're back into lock down again fromThursday. What a mess all this is. Spain is still avoiding a full lock down. It simply can't afford it. But how much longer can they avoid it? As of a few days ago, we can't leave, and nobody can enter the Valecian region. I don't hear any flights either above in the sky.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Hi Sandra, yes it's an awful mess and I wonder what he will do. I love the story line. I always like when there's deceit in a story. And it appears there's plenty of that in this one. It's well written and your story is developing nicely. Well done, my friend. Ulla xxxx
I understand you're back into lock down again fromThursday. What a mess all this is. Spain is still avoiding a full lock down. It simply can't afford it. But how much longer can they avoid it? As of a few days ago, we can't leave, and nobody can enter the Valecian region. I don't hear any flights either above in the sky.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Ulla, for the lovely six stars and the great review. :)) xxx
Sandra xx
Yes, as of Thursday we are in lockdown. But, it's wierd, no one really has a clue what this lockdown means. We have to stay in, but schools are open, so are many businesses. Colleges, universities, all open. Pubs and nightclubs are to close, and restaurants. Football and other sports can continue. What is the point of doing things like this? We should either be open, or closed, not a bit of each. Planes can't take off again here, either. Businesses are going to collapse and we'll all be homeless and starving!! :)) xxx
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Well, that does sound confusing. I agree, it's either a lock down or it is not. We totally agree. xxx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
I'm so glad that these folks are finally starting to get a grip on reality. I wonder what will happen when it's evident that Tania and Colin dated, as well? That should be interesting.
Nicely done. Thanks!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Sandra,
I'm so glad that these folks are finally starting to get a grip on reality. I wonder what will happen when it's evident that Tania and Colin dated, as well? That should be interesting.
Nicely done. Thanks!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Robyn. It will be quite a revelation. :)) I've replied to this 3 times and then deleted them because each time I've given too much away! lOL. You'll have to wait and see. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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hahahaha
Comment from Pantygynt
This episode gathers pace throughout its length. I read recently that dialogue tends to increase pace while narrative tends to calm it. This started steadily but by the end was going a t breakneck speed. Nothing wrong with that if that is your intention, but was it your intention that we should be hurtling over the cliff rather than hanging on to the edge of it?
Of course these breaks are probably very different from where the finished chapters will break. I realise that.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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This episode gathers pace throughout its length. I read recently that dialogue tends to increase pace while narrative tends to calm it. This started steadily but by the end was going a t breakneck speed. Nothing wrong with that if that is your intention, but was it your intention that we should be hurtling over the cliff rather than hanging on to the edge of it?
Of course these breaks are probably very different from where the finished chapters will break. I realise that.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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That is the problem, isn't it. I had to cut this one because where the chapter ends in the book, is a bit further on. I try to end it on a cliff hanger, but it's not always possible. I'll be watching out for this in future though. Things are going to change soon, so I need to sort the lengths out.
Thank you for the six, Jim, that was kind of you, and your thoughts on the pacing. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
It's looking good for Tania. Obviously, for those of us reading, we know what we know. When Grant finally finds out, what will he do? There are many possibilities that spring to mind. However, we will be patient and wait to see what the 'author' has in mind. LOL.
Ralf
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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It's looking good for Tania. Obviously, for those of us reading, we know what we know. When Grant finally finds out, what will he do? There are many possibilities that spring to mind. However, we will be patient and wait to see what the 'author' has in mind. LOL.
Ralf
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Ralf, for another lovely review. Grant is in for a shock! Not because of what we already know, though. :) lol. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Mistydawn
I have a suspicion that Loran knows this more than just a business deal for him, lol. I just hope he likes crow, and do hope Tania isn't too hard on him. I imagine she will be, knowing how quickly tempered she is with him, about his work. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, realistic. Your characters really come to life. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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I have a suspicion that Loran knows this more than just a business deal for him, lol. I just hope he likes crow, and do hope Tania isn't too hard on him. I imagine she will be, knowing how quickly tempered she is with him, about his work. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, realistic. Your characters really come to life. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, Misty, and the really nice review. Things will come to a head, but will Grant like the route it takes? Thank you for your continued support, my friend, I really appreciate you. :)) Sandra xx
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He may not, she's quite a handful.
Comment from aryr
Wow, another great continuation chapter Sandra. It was refreshing to know that Grant teased Colin into a pending new deal. Who knows what Colin will come up with? At least he now trusts Tania which was a step closer than he was before. It shall be interesting what he and Lorna will do when Colin does finally answer back. Great job. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Wow, another great continuation chapter Sandra. It was refreshing to know that Grant teased Colin into a pending new deal. Who knows what Colin will come up with? At least he now trusts Tania which was a step closer than he was before. It shall be interesting what he and Lorna will do when Colin does finally answer back. Great job. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Alie, for another lovely review. Things will start hotting up now. Stay tuned, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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You are so very welcome Sandra, I will most definitely stay tuned. Brrr it is winter here in Indiana, years ago I moved away from Canada because of the snow. Now I saw flurries and at 1030 am the temperature outside is a balmy 37. I enjoyed the warm hugs. Brrr.
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You are so lucky! It's bleak, cold, rainy, and not at all nice here. Winter is coming and there is no escaping it. :((
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LOL, it is not lucky listening to Jim, he has never seen snow or the cold, I am still a firm believer that I don't have to shovel rain but I do understand your view. Regardless-darn winter.
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LOL, it is not lucky listening to Jim, he has never seen snow or the cold, I am still a firm believer that I don't have to shovel rain but I do understand your view. Regardless-darn winter.
Comment from AnnieDawn
Nice chapter. Good, strong characters and I enjoyed reading it. It did not leave one hanging but left enough to want more in the next chapter. Just right. Good job on this.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Nice chapter. Good, strong characters and I enjoyed reading it. It did not leave one hanging but left enough to want more in the next chapter. Just right. Good job on this.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Annie, for this lovely review, I'm so pleased you feel you want to come back. Where I wanted to stop would have made this part too long, but the tension mounts in the next part. Warm hugs, Sandra