Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Betrayal Chapter 3"In the title.
47 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Sandra, expressing Tania, disgust and distress over the meeting with Grant. He has a lot of gall. I'm wondering if he made it all up about seeing the plans from someone else and accusing her of stealing them. I wouldn't put it past him. I'm certainly relieved she took her plans back and left. That'll show the big buffoon. I look forward to the next chapter.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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You did a great job, Sandra, expressing Tania, disgust and distress over the meeting with Grant. He has a lot of gall. I'm wondering if he made it all up about seeing the plans from someone else and accusing her of stealing them. I wouldn't put it past him. I'm certainly relieved she took her plans back and left. That'll show the big buffoon. I look forward to the next chapter.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Thank you so very much, Jan, for reading and giving me such a lovely review. I love the 'big buffoon!' LOL!! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
I see the handwriting on the wall, or is it the architectural plans.
Tania has some fire in her, and with good reason.
This line doesn't quite read right:
"he knew the architect of that style was his half-brother's."
Perhaps: he knew the architect of (or maybe with) that style was his half-brother. drop the 's.
or he knew the architect[ure] of (or in) that style was his half-brother.
"Tania watched from her doorway until her friend [had] got into her car and driven away." Perhaps drop the had and use drove.
Had usually means something further back in time and these seem simultaneous. Just a thought.
Excellent buildup of this drama. The brother-in-law should be an interesting conniving character readers love to hate.
Well done.
When are Mildred and Veronica coming to the rescue. :))
Stay safe and happy anniversary!
Robert
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Hello Sandra,
I see the handwriting on the wall, or is it the architectural plans.
Tania has some fire in her, and with good reason.
This line doesn't quite read right:
"he knew the architect of that style was his half-brother's."
Perhaps: he knew the architect of (or maybe with) that style was his half-brother. drop the 's.
or he knew the architect[ure] of (or in) that style was his half-brother.
"Tania watched from her doorway until her friend [had] got into her car and driven away." Perhaps drop the had and use drove.
Had usually means something further back in time and these seem simultaneous. Just a thought.
Excellent buildup of this drama. The brother-in-law should be an interesting conniving character readers love to hate.
Well done.
When are Mildred and Veronica coming to the rescue. :))
Stay safe and happy anniversary!
Robert
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2020
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Sorry I'm so long replying, Robert, it was quite manic yesterday, lovely though!! Thank you for your lovely comment. Now for the next 30! LOL!! I'll be in my 100s!!
Thank you so much, Robert, for those shiny six stars and the lovely review. I have taken a look at that sentence that didn't read well, and made huge changes, and then worked on the 'had' sentence. Thank you for pointing those out to me.
Aww, I keep having people ask me about Veronica and Mildred, I think I'm going to have to do something about that. I miss them, too, they became such a large part of my life. Thank you, dear friend, I loved your review. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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It's the mark of a wonderful writer when people remember the characters she created and hope tread about them again. :)
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What a lovely thing to say, Robert! Thank you. I've turned an awful shade of red now! xxx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
This was flawless! I didn't want it to end. I knew someone had stolen her plans, I thought maybe a fellow student, but this is even more intriguing. A+
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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This was flawless! I didn't want it to end. I knew someone had stolen her plans, I thought maybe a fellow student, but this is even more intriguing. A+
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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What a lovely review to wake up to, Rox, thank you so very much! The six stars are a bonus on top of your wonderful comments, and I thank you for those, too. I've a big smile on my face. Sending you a humongous hug my dear friend! :)) Sandra xxx
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Thanks for the hug, I needed that. =]
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Aw, are you alright, Rox?
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Yes, just don't get any hugs these days, even though I'm sure I'm germ free. =]
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Oh, I know what you mean. These are awful days, and hugs are one way of showing you care. Without them we do tend to feel alone. I wonder how long this is going to go on for. If I could get to you, I'd give you a real hug. Sending you some love to go with it. xxxx
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=] I do get hugs now and then. People are fed up with all this. I think once our election is over, we will hear much less about COVID. We get fewer cases and everyone is sick to death of it. It can be very serious for some and caution should be taken by those most at risk, but 24thou-60thou die from the seasonal flu which is many more than have died of Covid here. But no one worries about that. Anyway, have a great day. =]
Comment from trimple
Hello there, Sandra
Well... You have certainly grabbed the attention of this reader... so many possibilities and questions unanswered. The tension is building up nicely and the dynamic between all parties is written stylishly.
I found no errors to speak of and thoroughly enjoyed this engaging chapter :)
much love
tracey
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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Hello there, Sandra
Well... You have certainly grabbed the attention of this reader... so many possibilities and questions unanswered. The tension is building up nicely and the dynamic between all parties is written stylishly.
I found no errors to speak of and thoroughly enjoyed this engaging chapter :)
much love
tracey
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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Good morning, Tracey. Thank you so very much for this lovely review; I'm delighted you are enjoying the story. I was particularly pleased you found the tension was building up nicely, that is very encouraging. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Our poor girl! I don't like Grant at all, either!!!!
I believe 'townhouse' is a compound word. You have it as two words.
'HIs half brother's.' >> I think this should be part of the previous sentence. It has no verb. lol
After Tania had ...cup of tea, and >> No comma needed here.
'sShe managed one word...She took one look...' >> These are too similar and too close to be ignored. Try 'a single' look or word. It'll break it up. :)
evidence to prove they were mine, did I? >> I think this is probably a rhetorical question. Tania already knows that there was no evidence, so she's not really asking. So, as a rhetorical question, there's no need for a question mark. A period is needed here.
Colin said you should do, were sold >> No comma needed here
identify your work and say it wasn't yours?' >> Is MOnica one of those gals who ends every sentence with an upturn of her voice? If not, this isn't a question. I now a lot of gals do that (especially younger ones), so if you're going for characterization here, then leave it. If not ... :)
'stood up and picked up ... stood up...' >> I know, I know...I'm like a bulldog with the repetition. But this is SUCH a great story, I would hate to see it watered down with something so easy to fix! What about dropping 'up' from the first stood (how else you gonna stand but up?), then changing it to 'Tania rose' instead of 'stood up'? Just a thought.
Oh, I LOVE this story, Sandra! It's perfect so far...except for a few little nits. :) Keep writing!!!
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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Our poor girl! I don't like Grant at all, either!!!!
I believe 'townhouse' is a compound word. You have it as two words.
'HIs half brother's.' >> I think this should be part of the previous sentence. It has no verb. lol
After Tania had ...cup of tea, and >> No comma needed here.
'sShe managed one word...She took one look...' >> These are too similar and too close to be ignored. Try 'a single' look or word. It'll break it up. :)
evidence to prove they were mine, did I? >> I think this is probably a rhetorical question. Tania already knows that there was no evidence, so she's not really asking. So, as a rhetorical question, there's no need for a question mark. A period is needed here.
Colin said you should do, were sold >> No comma needed here
identify your work and say it wasn't yours?' >> Is MOnica one of those gals who ends every sentence with an upturn of her voice? If not, this isn't a question. I now a lot of gals do that (especially younger ones), so if you're going for characterization here, then leave it. If not ... :)
'stood up and picked up ... stood up...' >> I know, I know...I'm like a bulldog with the repetition. But this is SUCH a great story, I would hate to see it watered down with something so easy to fix! What about dropping 'up' from the first stood (how else you gonna stand but up?), then changing it to 'Tania rose' instead of 'stood up'? Just a thought.
Oh, I LOVE this story, Sandra! It's perfect so far...except for a few little nits. :) Keep writing!!!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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Dear Debs, that was a wonderful review and I've just finished going through this part with your suggestions and corrections. You pick up on things that I don't see as I write. I'm delighted you are enjoying my story, thank you so very much for all your kind comments, as well as this lovely review. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Tpa
I continue reading your chapters with much admiration. Your plot is so suspenseful and I enjoyed your words of descriptions and actions of your characters.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I continue reading your chapters with much admiration. Your plot is so suspenseful and I enjoyed your words of descriptions and actions of your characters.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Tpa, I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Shirley McLain
Wonderful chapter to read. You did a great job with the tension and action that kept me reading. Not that I wouldn't have anyway just because I'm following the story. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Wonderful chapter to read. You did a great job with the tension and action that kept me reading. Not that I wouldn't have anyway just because I'm following the story. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Aw, thank you, Shirley! What a lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed this part. A big thank you for the six stars, my friend, that was so nice of you. Warm hugs! Sandra xx
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You're welcome.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
A lot of intrigue, confusion, and mystery show its face in this chapter. To quote a character from an old TV comedy, "you got a lot of 'splaining to do.
This chapter is very interesting as you set up the potential lines of conflict and build toward the resolution and of course, the solving of the mystery. This chapter motivates my curiosity to see who's who as the mystery gets sorted out.
Robert
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Hello Sandra.
A lot of intrigue, confusion, and mystery show its face in this chapter. To quote a character from an old TV comedy, "you got a lot of 'splaining to do.
This chapter is very interesting as you set up the potential lines of conflict and build toward the resolution and of course, the solving of the mystery. This chapter motivates my curiosity to see who's who as the mystery gets sorted out.
Robert
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Love that! Yes, there are many questions that need good answers. Thank you so much, Robert, for this lovely review. Your final sentence is very encouraging. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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Hi Sandra.
You're welcome. I enjoyed reading this chapter my first guess about the direction back in chapter 1 was wrong (for now).
At least I'm one of those people who is willing to admit to their mistakes. I'm glad I don't make many. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Robert
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I'm not saying whether it was right, or wrong! LOL!!
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Don't be sneaky...I read every word.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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LOL!!! :))
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a well-paced chapter dealing with disappointment and deception. The characters are nicely fleshed out, and the attention to detail is particularly good.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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This is a well-paced chapter dealing with disappointment and deception. The characters are nicely fleshed out, and the attention to detail is particularly good.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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What a lovely review, Katherine, thank you so very much. I'm delighted you are still enjoying my new book. :)) Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
Sorry. No mistakes to be pointed to. This was a wonderful continuation of your storyline. I love the characters you've created, though I'm a little concerned at the close relationship of half-brothers and an ex. Yikes.
Thanks! I look forward to more~
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Sandra,
Sorry. No mistakes to be pointed to. This was a wonderful continuation of your storyline. I love the characters you've created, though I'm a little concerned at the close relationship of half-brothers and an ex. Yikes.
Thanks! I look forward to more~
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I'll have to make it clear that he was her boyfriend, not her husband. You'll learn more about that charmer in time. Don't be sorry that there were no errors to point out, I'm over the moon!!!! LOL. Thank you so much, Robyn for this lovely review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx