Lessons in the Key of Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Lloyd and Joey"A music and dance teacher's improvization
36 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Gosh, you've had them all, haven't you? As regards types and personalities. It would be impossible to forget some of them and not to wonder what became of them.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019
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Gosh, you've had them all, haven't you? As regards types and personalities. It would be impossible to forget some of them and not to wonder what became of them.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019
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That's so true, Judy.
Comment from karenina
What a juxtaposition! An overconfident mother bargaining with bagels and an oppressive hateful father subjecting his son to verbal abuse and unsafe surroundings. There are days when I wonder why we need to prove proficiency to drive a car but none at all to parent! In each case you modeled appropriate behavior, advocated for your students and set boundaries sorely needed by Lloyd and positive affirmations as well as follow up reporting for Joey. You are so right. As much as we would love to "fix it"--we must recognize our own parameters. I pray your words made their way to Joey' s heart.
Karenina
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019
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What a juxtaposition! An overconfident mother bargaining with bagels and an oppressive hateful father subjecting his son to verbal abuse and unsafe surroundings. There are days when I wonder why we need to prove proficiency to drive a car but none at all to parent! In each case you modeled appropriate behavior, advocated for your students and set boundaries sorely needed by Lloyd and positive affirmations as well as follow up reporting for Joey. You are so right. As much as we would love to "fix it"--we must recognize our own parameters. I pray your words made their way to Joey' s heart.
Karenina
Comment Written 10-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019
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I hope they did, Karenina; I had so little to work with that morning. It all happened so fast and furiously. Thank you for those comforting words. I love the way you always read between the lines I write. You're a wonderful reviewer. xo
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You are clearly a compassionate person and a consummate professional. It comes through both in your lines and between them!--Karenina
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You're such a sweetheart to me, Karenina. xo
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You deserve it!
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xo
Comment from tfawcus
Two very different case studies, each one tragic. When I was a teacher, I found bad parenting one of the most difficult things to counterbalance. I'm sure that your steady course, keeping the interests of the children at the forefront of your mind, would have had a beneficial effect in the long run but, as you suggest, it would be nice sometimes to be able to see the outcome.
Your writing comes across with considerable emotional intensity. You have a style that is compelling.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Two very different case studies, each one tragic. When I was a teacher, I found bad parenting one of the most difficult things to counterbalance. I'm sure that your steady course, keeping the interests of the children at the forefront of your mind, would have had a beneficial effect in the long run but, as you suggest, it would be nice sometimes to be able to see the outcome.
Your writing comes across with considerable emotional intensity. You have a style that is compelling.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Omigoodness, tfawcus. You have made my night with this review. Thank you times a million zillion. I couldn't appreciate it more. xo
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Rachelle!
Whoa!
Your writing held my attention from the beginning to the end. I, too, have to admit that Joey would have remained on my mind and radar for years to come. As for Lloyd, not so much, but I am pleased that he has supposedly turned out aok.
Your rendering flows well and keeps the reader's attention...even if she did want to "pop" LLoyd more than once...and his mother as well!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Hello Rachelle!
Whoa!
Your writing held my attention from the beginning to the end. I, too, have to admit that Joey would have remained on my mind and radar for years to come. As for Lloyd, not so much, but I am pleased that he has supposedly turned out aok.
Your rendering flows well and keeps the reader's attention...even if she did want to "pop" LLoyd more than once...and his mother as well!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Ohhh, Diane. This review just melts me. I love this review and appreciate your kind, encouraging words SO very much. xo
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a contrast, Rachelle, in these two stories that obviously meant a great deal to you--and both still do. Both go back to parenting or lack of it. It is easy to see that Lloyd runs that household by his behavior that he had gotten away with for a long time. In Joey's case, it is easy to see that his mother is terrified of Joey's father and uses her love of Joey as a pawn. I enjoyed reading this because it was well-written with a great message. Thanks for sharing and caring. Jan
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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What a contrast, Rachelle, in these two stories that obviously meant a great deal to you--and both still do. Both go back to parenting or lack of it. It is easy to see that Lloyd runs that household by his behavior that he had gotten away with for a long time. In Joey's case, it is easy to see that his mother is terrified of Joey's father and uses her love of Joey as a pawn. I enjoyed reading this because it was well-written with a great message. Thanks for sharing and caring. Jan
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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You nailed it, Jan, every single part.
I love how insightful you always are, Jan. Thank you for this excellent review. xo
Comment from susand3022
Been There! Done some of That!!! Rachelle, I feel so bad for that sweet little one! (the second one). Ugh!!! Some fathers! The little boy that I used to work with, had the most wonderful mother and the most dismal father. She worked, supported the entire household. He was a lazy, entitled a**h*** and screamed at her older son like a drill sergeant would scream at a recruit. And when it came to the little one, with the disability, he didn't want to have to take care of him, but he didn't want me to get him moving forward either. Whenever I'd teach him something physical, (like walking) he'd be telling me not to do that... calling me names, like a 'taskmaster', saying he didn't want to do that (stand and walk using a wall) lol... stupid man.
I feel bad for the first one too... life won't be easy for someone who is always used to getting what he wants... especially when he gets to school!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Been There! Done some of That!!! Rachelle, I feel so bad for that sweet little one! (the second one). Ugh!!! Some fathers! The little boy that I used to work with, had the most wonderful mother and the most dismal father. She worked, supported the entire household. He was a lazy, entitled a**h*** and screamed at her older son like a drill sergeant would scream at a recruit. And when it came to the little one, with the disability, he didn't want to have to take care of him, but he didn't want me to get him moving forward either. Whenever I'd teach him something physical, (like walking) he'd be telling me not to do that... calling me names, like a 'taskmaster', saying he didn't want to do that (stand and walk using a wall) lol... stupid man.
I feel bad for the first one too... life won't be easy for someone who is always used to getting what he wants... especially when he gets to school!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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I love the way you always share so many interesting stories in your reviews, Susan. I look forward to them. xo
Comment from 24chas
How sad and tragic, Rachelle. I really feel for Joey. It's obvious he wasn't being supported or nourished at home and how horrible it must have been for you knowing there was nothing you could do. Whatever happened to the first boy? Just curious. As usual, you give great lessons in these vignettes. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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How sad and tragic, Rachelle. I really feel for Joey. It's obvious he wasn't being supported or nourished at home and how horrible it must have been for you knowing there was nothing you could do. Whatever happened to the first boy? Just curious. As usual, you give great lessons in these vignettes. Great job.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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The first boy miraculously turned out okay!! I know this only because I was sharing the vignette with one of my Teaching Students, when she was a Senior (as was he) and she was FLABBERGASTED. She could not BELIEVE he'd been like that when he was little because he was 'SO nice and a great guy now." I'm not sure which of us was more surprised.
Anyway, thank you for the warm and understanding review. xo
Comment from WalkerMan
Yes, such situations probably have existed throughout history -- both parents trying to force their child into the wrong mold for his or her personality and talents, and parents who have no understanding of what it really means to be truly creative and correspondingly resentful of being pressured -- even in the area of interest. You did the best you could in each case -- ceasing to waste your time where it was not appreciated and reporting what amounted to child abuse in Joey's case. Perhaps Joey's mother found the strength to leave her oppressive husband and move far away, which may be why you never saw his artwork displayed locally. Even his last name could have been changed, if his mother felt his father was an ongoing threat.
By the time I was five, I was creative in drawing, modelling clay, and electrical tinkering. (At age six, I designed and assembled a light with switch in separate electrical boxes in my parents' basement, and it worked on the first try without blowing a fuse.) Somehow my mother got the notion that I should take ballet lessons, and enrolled me in a course. I had zero interest and no aptitude for that at all; so, after three lessons, I flatly refused to even get in the car to go. She managed to get a pro-rated refund, and the topic was never broached again. If it had been an art class, who knows what might have come of it. Music I always have loved -- but my hands are dexterous for slow, precision work, not a musical instrument. Voice training I'd probably like (just for myself, not performance), but I'm too busy these days.
Now that I have read this post, I can see that I'll have to find time to at least read the others in this series. Superb.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Yes, such situations probably have existed throughout history -- both parents trying to force their child into the wrong mold for his or her personality and talents, and parents who have no understanding of what it really means to be truly creative and correspondingly resentful of being pressured -- even in the area of interest. You did the best you could in each case -- ceasing to waste your time where it was not appreciated and reporting what amounted to child abuse in Joey's case. Perhaps Joey's mother found the strength to leave her oppressive husband and move far away, which may be why you never saw his artwork displayed locally. Even his last name could have been changed, if his mother felt his father was an ongoing threat.
By the time I was five, I was creative in drawing, modelling clay, and electrical tinkering. (At age six, I designed and assembled a light with switch in separate electrical boxes in my parents' basement, and it worked on the first try without blowing a fuse.) Somehow my mother got the notion that I should take ballet lessons, and enrolled me in a course. I had zero interest and no aptitude for that at all; so, after three lessons, I flatly refused to even get in the car to go. She managed to get a pro-rated refund, and the topic was never broached again. If it had been an art class, who knows what might have come of it. Music I always have loved -- but my hands are dexterous for slow, precision work, not a musical instrument. Voice training I'd probably like (just for myself, not performance), but I'm too busy these days.
Now that I have read this post, I can see that I'll have to find time to at least read the others in this series. Superb.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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What a terrific review, Walker Man. That's funny about your ballet lessons. Oy. You were smart to hold your ground the way you did; you saved yourself and her a lot of misery!
You were quite the little electrical genius!! Yikes! It's amazing to me the talents bestowed on children.
Thanks for all your feedback, Mike. xo
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You are most welcome, Rachelle. You clearly are an ideal teacher -- good and caring at what you do, but wise enough to know when it is fruitless.
My youngest daughter began learning violin by the Suzuki method in second grade. Later I drove her to lessons before school (as I had negotiated flexible hours at my job). As she grew in both size and skill, I bought her better violins. She married a young man who also played violin, and she still plays on special occasions. I love listening to her play.
My uncle (married to one of my mother's older sisters) had been in the Navy during WW2. He was highly skilled with anything electrical or mechanical, but had a son he pushed to go to college, rather than be a blue-collar worker (or a drummer and/or xylophone player, both of which he was good at).
Accordingly, knowing I'd be going to college like my parents, he taught me instead of his son about electricity, starting when I was five. My father already was buying me good quality tools.
My cousin (a Korean War Army vet), did go to college and went to work in middle management of a business. He married a woman who could replace a failed light switch. Their marriage was good, but he was never happy at work. He died at age 72, which is early by our family standards, as both of my parents and most of my many aunts and uncles lived till their late eighties to beyond a hundred. His widow is in that age range now.
Meanwhile, my own electro-mechanical skills have been a joy to me all my life. In my sixties, I actually managed to combine that with the academic side. I was consulting as Program Manager for a company I helped found to sell power quality improvement equipment to industries, to lower their electric bills and extend the life of everything from motors to computers. I wrote the thirty- to seventy-page sales proposals based on Excel files which I designed to process the data that I gathered personally by reaching into live 480-volt electrical cabinets to set probes to collect voltage and current fluctuations in real time with equipment running. I used a five-thousand dollar hand-held device to do that. I was so fortunate to have had parents who allowed me to find my own path through life, always praising my successes along the way. -- Mike
Comment from damommy
It's too bad the brat had such a good home, and poor Joey ended up with what he had. That must have been heart-breaking for you. I guess the jerk really did sell the piano. And you never heard of Joey again.
I've had instances like the brat when I was substitute teacher. Like you, I didn't pull any punches. Apparently, most of the kids liked me because I'm still in touch with them after forty years.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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It's too bad the brat had such a good home, and poor Joey ended up with what he had. That must have been heart-breaking for you. I guess the jerk really did sell the piano. And you never heard of Joey again.
I've had instances like the brat when I was substitute teacher. Like you, I didn't pull any punches. Apparently, most of the kids liked me because I'm still in touch with them after forty years.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Oh, that is a WONDERFUL testament to how deeply they held you in their hearts. Kids don't mind adults who don't pull punches, as long as it comes from a spot of love and caring about them. (and they ALWAYS know when that is the case.)
Thanks for the terrific review, damommy. I love it. xo
Comment from judiverse
Lloyd should have a great career ahead as a professional tennis player. Funny that he kept showing up in different outfits. Since piano lessons are one of life's options, I don't know why parents keep insisting even when it isn't the child's cup of cocoa. A child will let his or her parents know where interests lie. It's too bad you couldn't have learned what eventually happened to Joey. The father appeared to have a streak of violence in him, and the mother seemed intimidated by him. I wonder if the father made this decision without any lead-up to it, giving Joey a chance to get more serious about his practice. As you wrote, the matter was out of your hands. I can understand why you still think about Joey. judi
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Lloyd should have a great career ahead as a professional tennis player. Funny that he kept showing up in different outfits. Since piano lessons are one of life's options, I don't know why parents keep insisting even when it isn't the child's cup of cocoa. A child will let his or her parents know where interests lie. It's too bad you couldn't have learned what eventually happened to Joey. The father appeared to have a streak of violence in him, and the mother seemed intimidated by him. I wonder if the father made this decision without any lead-up to it, giving Joey a chance to get more serious about his practice. As you wrote, the matter was out of your hands. I can understand why you still think about Joey. judi
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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I love how contemplative your reviews always are, Judi. They mean a lot to me because of that.
I think with Lloyd, a lot of his taking lessons was because many of his friends took from me, so his mother felt it was the cool thing to do. Obviously, Lloyd had a different slant to that theory. Oy.
Thanks for your compassionate words about Joey. I would bet ANYTHING you're right: that the mom was intimidated by him...though, ironically she was a probation officer by profession! Isn't that wild?
Great review, as always, Judi. Thank you. xo