The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Fallen Angel"A Novel
40 total reviews
Comment from estory
There is an eerie mood about this chapter; the spooky cottage with the haunting strains of music from the Moulin Rouge, the owl haunted woods, the dim reflection of the moon in the pond, and then this story of the smugglers smuggling their gin. I can't help but think of the drug smugglers in France, and how this somehow might shed some light on how they are doing it. It reads like a bit of foreshadowing. At the end we have Kayla calling Charles and she looks worried. estory
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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There is an eerie mood about this chapter; the spooky cottage with the haunting strains of music from the Moulin Rouge, the owl haunted woods, the dim reflection of the moon in the pond, and then this story of the smugglers smuggling their gin. I can't help but think of the drug smugglers in France, and how this somehow might shed some light on how they are doing it. It reads like a bit of foreshadowing. At the end we have Kayla calling Charles and she looks worried. estory
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thanks, estory. A bit of a diversion from the main story but, as you say, it foreshadows things to come. I appreciate your comments and review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Halfree
I have not read all the preceding chapters, think I may have missed something. There is some good writing in what I just read, very good indeed. Do not want to ramble about with a crash of words, I will have to go back and read the previous postings, good work... what more needs to be said?
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I have not read all the preceding chapters, think I may have missed something. There is some good writing in what I just read, very good indeed. Do not want to ramble about with a crash of words, I will have to go back and read the previous postings, good work... what more needs to be said?
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Many thanks for dropping by to read and review, Halfree. I appreciate the positive reinforcement of your comments and the six-star award. Most generous. All the best, Tony.
Comment from apky
A thick straw thatch overshadowed them, giving the appearance of a beetle-browed gentleman, firmly set in his ways. - I really liked this one; could almost see both the man and the cottage, adding a bit of the tweed jacket and a pipe, plus portrays of ancestors over the mantelpiece! (Yeah, my writer's fantasy, I know)
Another fabulous read. I wonder what Kayla has to worry about.
Keep writing, Tony. Whenever I read your chapters, I come away feeling I finally read something I could fully understand and identify with.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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A thick straw thatch overshadowed them, giving the appearance of a beetle-browed gentleman, firmly set in his ways. - I really liked this one; could almost see both the man and the cottage, adding a bit of the tweed jacket and a pipe, plus portrays of ancestors over the mantelpiece! (Yeah, my writer's fantasy, I know)
Another fabulous read. I wonder what Kayla has to worry about.
Keep writing, Tony. Whenever I read your chapters, I come away feeling I finally read something I could fully understand and identify with.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Very many thanks, Aki. Your reviews are always so supportive and I very much appreciate your continued connection with my story. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dawn Munro
Cliff-hanger endings always lead so well into the next chapter, and this one I have to call a cliff-hanger.
First, let me apologize -- I hate 'dropping in' on a novel, especially one as fine as this, but I simply couldn't find the time to follow a book right now, and you've been so kind, Tony...
The other thing is, there isn't a thing I can say in a review that you don't already know, your work is perfection, and I feel like a cheat reviewing when I know I'm not even going to find a typo. LOL. (Occasionally I can't resist though -- I love your work.)
Anyhow, it's still so early in the week, and I have just one six left. Of course, it belongs here.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Cliff-hanger endings always lead so well into the next chapter, and this one I have to call a cliff-hanger.
First, let me apologize -- I hate 'dropping in' on a novel, especially one as fine as this, but I simply couldn't find the time to follow a book right now, and you've been so kind, Tony...
The other thing is, there isn't a thing I can say in a review that you don't already know, your work is perfection, and I feel like a cheat reviewing when I know I'm not even going to find a typo. LOL. (Occasionally I can't resist though -- I love your work.)
Anyhow, it's still so early in the week, and I have just one six left. Of course, it belongs here.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Lovely to hear from you, Dawn, and thank you so much for your kind words and the six stars. Thanks for dropping in from time to time to review. Greatly appreciated! All the best, Tony
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Always a pleasure, Tony. :)
Comment from WryWriter
As you can see, I really got in to this fabulous story of yours! LOL! This chapter is great. Read it several times, hence the long suggestions for you to consider. (But, as always, the author knows what they want to say and how they want to say it.) I love the way you draw the reader in and won't turn them loose with your expert descriptive ability. (Think it's called evocation. Anyway, your great at it!)
'the poorest man may in his cottage...but the King of England cannot enter.' (Use " instead of single ' for quotes unless inside of quotation marks. Example: "Then Mandy said, 'no way,' " he complained.
and the place was in (omit a) much better state of repair than most castles of my acquaintance.
Firewood was neatly stacked on one side of the inglenook, and the other (side) boasted a stone seat, just wide enough to sit on. I nestled into the ingle and put a match to the fire, already neatly laid with tinder. I had Mrs(.) Wilkins to thank for that.
Storms could howl down the valley and beat themselves into (omit a frenzy) (frenzies) against (omit with) (the) windows, but I would be safe.
flipped idly through my collection of vinyl(')s until I came to an old recording(:) (omit of) ("Edith Piaf - Her Greatest Hits.") Soon the room was filled with the soulful voice of ("The Little Sparrow.") Her tormented vibrato tugged at my heartstrings, as it always did. She was singing ("La Vie en Rose,") perhaps one of the greatest love songs of all time.
I thought of Helen(,) and the way she had captured my heart in those few days of blissful happiness. ("La Vie en Rose")(--)a life seen through rose-tinted spectacles.
The final track was "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien(.)"(omit outside .) No, I thought(omit ,)(;) I have no regrets. (omit ')(")Whether it is the good that has been done to me(omit space) ...or the bad, it's all the same to me! No, absolutely nothing...(.) No, I regret nothing(omit ') (and omit all spaces before ellipses) ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing.(") The rhythmic swish of the needle told me that my song had come to an end.
I decided to go outside for a while(awhile).(omit extra space) A short stroll(,) in the cool of the evening(,) would help clear my head before I hit the sack(omit ,)(.) (omit and) (T)he deserted mill was only a few hundred yards upstream. Damp leaves glistened on the bridle track. Clumps of foxglove straggled from the crevices in a dry-stone wall, their long stalks reaching out like wraiths in the darkness. In the distance, I could hear the long, harsh screech of the barn owl(omit ,) (;) the blood-curdling cry of a huntress still at large.
I paused on the bridge and leaned my weight gingerly against the wooden railings above the millpond. Its still, black depths held the image of the moon, a perfect round, (omit for all the world like a great yellow wheel of cheese.) (like a great wheel of cheese for the world.)
I looked at my watch. Still an hour before closing time, longer(,) if the publican of (")The Fallen Angel(") was in the mood. Perhaps they were huddled for warmth, or(,) perhaps to keep
(If The Fallen Angel is being used ironically, use quotation marks, if not, omit)
It was with these maudlin thoughts in mind that I entered the public bar of The Angel.
"Well, if it isn't the squire of Moonraker Cottage(omit -)(;) home again! How good to see you, Charles. So(omit -) (,) what'll be your poison, my friend?"
"A pint of the usual(,) thanks, John(omit -)(;) and(,) a packet of crisps. I haven't eaten tonight. I'm starving."
"We can't have that(omit now), can we?
"That's very kind of you. Yes, I'd like that(omit -) (...) if it's not too much trouble at this hour."
John disappeared round the back, and I glanced across at the old bloke in the corner, the only other occupant of the bar. He fixed me with his eye(s) in a way that reminded me very much of (")The Ancient Mariner.(")
"(')Moonrakers,(') eh? You know the story, I suppose?"
I knew it, of course, but I had a feeling he was going to tell me anyway. "Something to do with Wiltshire men being called Moonrakers, isn't it?"
"That's right, squire. From the days of the old woollen mills, when the county was alive with Dutch and Flemish wool merchants. Foreigners, all of them, and with some very strange ways. Their favourite tipple was Holland Gin. Dreadful stuff, if you ask me. What's wrong with a plain old English pint?" He picked up his empty glass and put it (wistfully)down again (omit tag on wistfully).
His face lit up. "Don't mind if I do." He slid his glass across to (omit mine) (my) host, who had just returned with my supper. "Half a pint of mild(,) please, John. My friend will pay."
John raised his eyebrows and gave me a knowing look. I winked back at him.
"Now, where was I? Ah, yes! Holland Gin. Well, there was a hefty tax on it, see. The smugglers along the south coast were doing a brisk trade(omit ,)(;) I can tell you. Now(,) it happened one evening that the excisemen were hard on the heels of a band of them. The story has it that they rolled their casks into a pond, sinking them beneath the green cresses and weeds. The excisemen had their suspicions but nothing to go on(omit ,)(;) so(,) they left empty-handed."
Gabriel paused a moment to whet his whistle. "Unfortunately for the smugglers, they stopped a little further up the track, then turned around and came back again(.)(omit - and) (T)hey caught the men red-handed with rakes and pitchforks(omit ,) trying to retrieve their goods.
(omit ") 'Ho, now. What have we here?' they said, withdrawing their pistols.
(omit ")Making themselves out to be feeble-headed country yokels, the smugglers replied, 'As you can see, officer, we are fishing this great cheese out of the pond. It must have fallen from the cheesemonger's cart this afternoon.'
(omit")'You oafs! Dolts and dunderheads! That's not a cheese. It's just a reflection of the moon!'"
(I'd put a space between the quotation marks at the end; e.g. moon!' "
I interrupted, looking first at Gabriel and then at the landlord. "I saw just such a cheese in the millpond, on my way here this evening!"
"Did you indeed? Well, anyway, the excise men went on their way, laughing amongst themselves at the simple-mindedness of the country bumpkins(omit space) ...and that, my friend,
He drained his glass and (then) said, "Well, I'll be off now. It's time for my bed." With that, he picked up his walking stick and put his cloth cap on his head. "Good night, all," he called out cheerfully as he walked (omit out) through the door. (can use "as he left.")
"I'd best be getting along, too, John."
"Will you not have one for the road? A Whiskey Mac, perhaps(omit ,)(...) to keep out the cold?
"He tells the story well (omit though), doesn't he?"
We chatted for a while(,) and I was soon caught up with all the local news. Two Whiskey Macs later, I was out in the cold autumn night(omit ,)(--) and more than a little unsteady on my feet. Clouds had drifted across, obscuring the moon(omit ,) (.) (S)o I stumbled once or twice(,) and nearly fell. When I came to Druids Wood, it had an ominous feel about it(.) (omit and,) (A)s the wind began to pick up, I fancied I could hear the beginnings of low and anguished moans.
(omit It was) (W)ith (omit some) (no small) relief(,) (omit that) I regained the safety of my front door. I stepped inside hurriedly and shot the bolts across(omit ,) (--) both top and bottom.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
|
As you can see, I really got in to this fabulous story of yours! LOL! This chapter is great. Read it several times, hence the long suggestions for you to consider. (But, as always, the author knows what they want to say and how they want to say it.) I love the way you draw the reader in and won't turn them loose with your expert descriptive ability. (Think it's called evocation. Anyway, your great at it!)
'the poorest man may in his cottage...but the King of England cannot enter.' (Use " instead of single ' for quotes unless inside of quotation marks. Example: "Then Mandy said, 'no way,' " he complained.
and the place was in (omit a) much better state of repair than most castles of my acquaintance.
Firewood was neatly stacked on one side of the inglenook, and the other (side) boasted a stone seat, just wide enough to sit on. I nestled into the ingle and put a match to the fire, already neatly laid with tinder. I had Mrs(.) Wilkins to thank for that.
Storms could howl down the valley and beat themselves into (omit a frenzy) (frenzies) against (omit with) (the) windows, but I would be safe.
flipped idly through my collection of vinyl(')s until I came to an old recording(:) (omit of) ("Edith Piaf - Her Greatest Hits.") Soon the room was filled with the soulful voice of ("The Little Sparrow.") Her tormented vibrato tugged at my heartstrings, as it always did. She was singing ("La Vie en Rose,") perhaps one of the greatest love songs of all time.
I thought of Helen(,) and the way she had captured my heart in those few days of blissful happiness. ("La Vie en Rose")(--)a life seen through rose-tinted spectacles.
The final track was "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien(.)"(omit outside .) No, I thought(omit ,)(;) I have no regrets. (omit ')(")Whether it is the good that has been done to me(omit space) ...or the bad, it's all the same to me! No, absolutely nothing...(.) No, I regret nothing(omit ') (and omit all spaces before ellipses) ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing ...nothing.(") The rhythmic swish of the needle told me that my song had come to an end.
I decided to go outside for a while(awhile).(omit extra space) A short stroll(,) in the cool of the evening(,) would help clear my head before I hit the sack(omit ,)(.) (omit and) (T)he deserted mill was only a few hundred yards upstream. Damp leaves glistened on the bridle track. Clumps of foxglove straggled from the crevices in a dry-stone wall, their long stalks reaching out like wraiths in the darkness. In the distance, I could hear the long, harsh screech of the barn owl(omit ,) (;) the blood-curdling cry of a huntress still at large.
I paused on the bridge and leaned my weight gingerly against the wooden railings above the millpond. Its still, black depths held the image of the moon, a perfect round, (omit for all the world like a great yellow wheel of cheese.) (like a great wheel of cheese for the world.)
I looked at my watch. Still an hour before closing time, longer(,) if the publican of (")The Fallen Angel(") was in the mood. Perhaps they were huddled for warmth, or(,) perhaps to keep
(If The Fallen Angel is being used ironically, use quotation marks, if not, omit)
It was with these maudlin thoughts in mind that I entered the public bar of The Angel.
"Well, if it isn't the squire of Moonraker Cottage(omit -)(;) home again! How good to see you, Charles. So(omit -) (,) what'll be your poison, my friend?"
"A pint of the usual(,) thanks, John(omit -)(;) and(,) a packet of crisps. I haven't eaten tonight. I'm starving."
"We can't have that(omit now), can we?
"That's very kind of you. Yes, I'd like that(omit -) (...) if it's not too much trouble at this hour."
John disappeared round the back, and I glanced across at the old bloke in the corner, the only other occupant of the bar. He fixed me with his eye(s) in a way that reminded me very much of (")The Ancient Mariner.(")
"(')Moonrakers,(') eh? You know the story, I suppose?"
I knew it, of course, but I had a feeling he was going to tell me anyway. "Something to do with Wiltshire men being called Moonrakers, isn't it?"
"That's right, squire. From the days of the old woollen mills, when the county was alive with Dutch and Flemish wool merchants. Foreigners, all of them, and with some very strange ways. Their favourite tipple was Holland Gin. Dreadful stuff, if you ask me. What's wrong with a plain old English pint?" He picked up his empty glass and put it (wistfully)down again (omit tag on wistfully).
His face lit up. "Don't mind if I do." He slid his glass across to (omit mine) (my) host, who had just returned with my supper. "Half a pint of mild(,) please, John. My friend will pay."
John raised his eyebrows and gave me a knowing look. I winked back at him.
"Now, where was I? Ah, yes! Holland Gin. Well, there was a hefty tax on it, see. The smugglers along the south coast were doing a brisk trade(omit ,)(;) I can tell you. Now(,) it happened one evening that the excisemen were hard on the heels of a band of them. The story has it that they rolled their casks into a pond, sinking them beneath the green cresses and weeds. The excisemen had their suspicions but nothing to go on(omit ,)(;) so(,) they left empty-handed."
Gabriel paused a moment to whet his whistle. "Unfortunately for the smugglers, they stopped a little further up the track, then turned around and came back again(.)(omit - and) (T)hey caught the men red-handed with rakes and pitchforks(omit ,) trying to retrieve their goods.
(omit ") 'Ho, now. What have we here?' they said, withdrawing their pistols.
(omit ")Making themselves out to be feeble-headed country yokels, the smugglers replied, 'As you can see, officer, we are fishing this great cheese out of the pond. It must have fallen from the cheesemonger's cart this afternoon.'
(omit")'You oafs! Dolts and dunderheads! That's not a cheese. It's just a reflection of the moon!'"
(I'd put a space between the quotation marks at the end; e.g. moon!' "
I interrupted, looking first at Gabriel and then at the landlord. "I saw just such a cheese in the millpond, on my way here this evening!"
"Did you indeed? Well, anyway, the excise men went on their way, laughing amongst themselves at the simple-mindedness of the country bumpkins(omit space) ...and that, my friend,
He drained his glass and (then) said, "Well, I'll be off now. It's time for my bed." With that, he picked up his walking stick and put his cloth cap on his head. "Good night, all," he called out cheerfully as he walked (omit out) through the door. (can use "as he left.")
"I'd best be getting along, too, John."
"Will you not have one for the road? A Whiskey Mac, perhaps(omit ,)(...) to keep out the cold?
"He tells the story well (omit though), doesn't he?"
We chatted for a while(,) and I was soon caught up with all the local news. Two Whiskey Macs later, I was out in the cold autumn night(omit ,)(--) and more than a little unsteady on my feet. Clouds had drifted across, obscuring the moon(omit ,) (.) (S)o I stumbled once or twice(,) and nearly fell. When I came to Druids Wood, it had an ominous feel about it(.) (omit and,) (A)s the wind began to pick up, I fancied I could hear the beginnings of low and anguished moans.
(omit It was) (W)ith (omit some) (no small) relief(,) (omit that) I regained the safety of my front door. I stepped inside hurriedly and shot the bolts across(omit ,) (--) both top and bottom.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Very many thanks for this very detailed and useful review. I agree with many of your points, and I have made quite a few changes. It's kind of you to go to so much trouble on my behalf, and very much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony.
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Glad to help. Great stories are my passion and you've got a doozy going on here! : )
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I went right through it with your notes alongside and then forgot to save the changes! Grrrr!
Will have another go later this evening.
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Been there! Ouch! : (
Comment from lyenochka
Charles is such a tenderhearted guy - so nice of him to humor Gabriel even though he already knew the story. I was a little worried that this could take on a much more eerie turn but now we're back to Kayla and maybe Helen. Enjoyed all the woodland descriptions.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Charles is such a tenderhearted guy - so nice of him to humor Gabriel even though he already knew the story. I was a little worried that this could take on a much more eerie turn but now we're back to Kayla and maybe Helen. Enjoyed all the woodland descriptions.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Helen. We're not out of the woods yet! Heh! Heh! Heh! As Dean might say!
Comment from kiwijenny
Wow I loved this . It was quintessentially English...moon rakers ..lol I laughed at that. It was grate...lol (pun intended) I like how you have a chapter to build tension for the next...Why is Kayla worried? I will be reading the next installment to find our...this is very Charles Dickensian isn't it?
God bless
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Wow I loved this . It was quintessentially English...moon rakers ..lol I laughed at that. It was grate...lol (pun intended) I like how you have a chapter to build tension for the next...Why is Kayla worried? I will be reading the next installment to find our...this is very Charles Dickensian isn't it?
God bless
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Jenny. Loved your grated cheese topping! Just what this chapter needed! All the best, Tony
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Tony,
Another exceptionally well-crafted chapter. Again, felt as if I was with "in the moment" with Charles - especially as you/he describes Moonraker Cottage, the pub, and of course, Gabriel. I must share that when you write that Charles feels trepidation as he returns to his cottage, I, too, sensed that something ominous was about to happen... I eagerly await your next installment.
diane
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Hello Tony,
Another exceptionally well-crafted chapter. Again, felt as if I was with "in the moment" with Charles - especially as you/he describes Moonraker Cottage, the pub, and of course, Gabriel. I must share that when you write that Charles feels trepidation as he returns to his cottage, I, too, sensed that something ominous was about to happen... I eagerly await your next installment.
diane
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much, Diane, for this wonderfully affirming review, and for the six stars accompanying it. Very much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
This is a terrific chapter with beautiful descriptions and a clever way to tell the story of the Moonrakers. I especially liked this description: A thick straw thatch overshadowed them, giving the appearance of a beetle-browed gentleman, firmly set in his ways. Very well-written.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This is a terrific chapter with beautiful descriptions and a clever way to tell the story of the Moonrakers. I especially liked this description: A thick straw thatch overshadowed them, giving the appearance of a beetle-browed gentleman, firmly set in his ways. Very well-written.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Rhonda, for your very kind remarks. Much appreciated.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You know I love this novel. My only suggestion would be you started many paragraphs with 'I'. You might want to watch that or so I've been told. I'm not sure it makes a difference, really.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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You know I love this novel. My only suggestion would be you started many paragraphs with 'I'. You might want to watch that or so I've been told. I'm not sure it makes a difference, really.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Many thanks for your tip, Barbara. That?s something I need to have another look at. I appreciate the sixth star.