2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Prologue "haiku (cerise somber dusk)"A collection of Japanese poetry
30 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
The assonance in the first and third lines helps to intensify the sense peace generated by your words. There is great beauty in sunsets in these latitudes and your poem captures something of the essence of it.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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The assonance in the first and third lines helps to intensify the sense peace generated by your words. There is great beauty in sunsets in these latitudes and your poem captures something of the essence of it.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Love your creative thank-you note! Do you also have one for terrible and unkind reviews? LOL
Perhaps not, for the power of positive thinking generally pays off in the end!
may the Buddha bless
his midsummer haiku rose
teacher of beauty
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Hahaha... sure! this is what I do with unkind malicious reviewers...
I LOVE your haiku! Have you thought about writing a haiku challenge? You don't have to write more than what feels right for you and we would be honored. Members and non-members are welcomed to post.
I saved your haiku :) may I use it as an example in my haiku class?
Gypsy buddha bless right back at ya'
Comment from oliver818
I really enjoyed this poem. The imagery is beautiful and the use of fruit is very powerful and evocative. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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I really enjoyed this poem. The imagery is beautiful and the use of fruit is very powerful and evocative. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and the six stars... I feel especial. :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
An ambient Haiku with rich colour and warn undertones leaving you feeling sleepy and comfortable, liked it very much, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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An ambient Haiku with rich colour and warn undertones leaving you feeling sleepy and comfortable, liked it very much, love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
Comment from Dean Kuch
First of all, the presentation and ambiance you've created for your well-written haiku is outstanding and stunningly striking, Sensei Jipushi.
As for the haiku and its composition itself, it is a perfect example of how deeply moving and spiritual a haiku reading experience can truly be.
~Bravo
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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First of all, the presentation and ambiance you've created for your well-written haiku is outstanding and stunningly striking, Sensei Jipushi.
As for the haiku and its composition itself, it is a perfect example of how deeply moving and spiritual a haiku reading experience can truly be.
~Bravo
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Deano-son, I appreciate your immense support. You have been there for me for the greatest part of my time on this site. Thank you, my friend.
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is a stunning haiku! The "cerise somber dusk" is an incredibly romantic view of "placid orange river" it is quite a vivid image and an emotional one at that.
"sweet tangerine dreams" is a very vivid and dramatic satori
This haiku is the stuff dreams are made of.
May not be a technical review but this one invokes more emotions than technical thoughts
Very well written and beautifully presented
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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This is a stunning haiku! The "cerise somber dusk" is an incredibly romantic view of "placid orange river" it is quite a vivid image and an emotional one at that.
"sweet tangerine dreams" is a very vivid and dramatic satori
This haiku is the stuff dreams are made of.
May not be a technical review but this one invokes more emotions than technical thoughts
Very well written and beautifully presented
Comment Written 13-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thank you, sweetie pie. I don't need technical reviews. I want to hear about the way my haiku made you feel or the thoughts it evoke ... that is more helpful to me. :) Your reviews are excellent. I am always happy to read them.
gypsy buddha hugs
Comment from Mark Valentine
As a haiku novice, I especially appreciate the reviewing guidelines you included in your author's notes, Using those criteria, this is a solid six. The 's' and soft 'g' sounds create a peaceful sound to the language that mirrors the serene picture and the gentle images evoked by your imagery (sweet dreams and placid rivers, the smell of tangerines, the calm of dusk).
For me, placing the modifier "tangerine" in the midst of the trite "sweet dreams", elevates the prosaic good-night wish to a more thoughtful and profound level.
You and Dean are teaching me to appreciate haikus - thanks.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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As a haiku novice, I especially appreciate the reviewing guidelines you included in your author's notes, Using those criteria, this is a solid six. The 's' and soft 'g' sounds create a peaceful sound to the language that mirrors the serene picture and the gentle images evoked by your imagery (sweet dreams and placid rivers, the smell of tangerines, the calm of dusk).
For me, placing the modifier "tangerine" in the midst of the trite "sweet dreams", elevates the prosaic good-night wish to a more thoughtful and profound level.
You and Dean are teaching me to appreciate haikus - thanks.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Damn! Mark, this is an awesome review! I am deeply honored and humbled by your kindness and six stars. Thank you, my friend.
Comment from judiverse
This is very colorful. You have cerise, orange, and tangerine. That makes this very visual. Dreams are often so intense and colorful, as expressed in the poem. You're chosen to present a very peaceful picture. The lake is placid, the dusk is somber. Not much to lead to sleeplessness! Lovely presentation. judi
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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This is very colorful. You have cerise, orange, and tangerine. That makes this very visual. Dreams are often so intense and colorful, as expressed in the poem. You're chosen to present a very peaceful picture. The lake is placid, the dusk is somber. Not much to lead to sleeplessness! Lovely presentation. judi
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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You're welcome. judi
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You're welcome. And a lovely thank you note. judi
Comment from Douglas Paul
I like this one, my friend. Strong clear imagery in the first two connecting lines that would stand without a picture. Good satori with aha moment that is derived from the observation in the first two line
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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I like this one, my friend. Strong clear imagery in the first two connecting lines that would stand without a picture. Good satori with aha moment that is derived from the observation in the first two line
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
Comment from RodG
I not only like this traditional haiku very much, but I appreciate your notes (especially those about "kigo" and how a season is suggested). Lovely focus on a specific color here with three key terms. Also nice use of Cs and Ss to sustain the peaceful mood. Nicely done!
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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I not only like this traditional haiku very much, but I appreciate your notes (especially those about "kigo" and how a season is suggested). Lovely focus on a specific color here with three key terms. Also nice use of Cs and Ss to sustain the peaceful mood. Nicely done!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
Comment from Sasha
Thanks for the tips on how to review a haiku. This one has perfect syllable count, I learned the meaning of an important new word, cerise = color orange/red, and that the Orange River is in Africa. I also love the artistic presentation of this one. You are definitely the haiku Queen...seriously, you are.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
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Thanks for the tips on how to review a haiku. This one has perfect syllable count, I learned the meaning of an important new word, cerise = color orange/red, and that the Orange River is in Africa. I also love the artistic presentation of this one. You are definitely the haiku Queen...seriously, you are.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017