Comment from Hayley Solomon

Excellent

Hi Steve,
Excellent subject - my son is a volunteer at the Wellington Law Centre writing letters on behalf of refugees with families displaced in third party countries. Apparently a gut wrenching business,but I am proud he has taken it on. Lovely tanka. Just one concern, especially since this is for a contest. Each time I read it, I see six not seven syllables in the second last line. I would pronounce desperate with two syllables, not three, which I guess is where the problem is coming in. Might pay to relook at that. Regards,
Hayley

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Thanks, Hayley. I imagine your son's task is an emotional roller-coaster.

I'm happy to leave 'desperate' counting as 3 syllables. Kiwis tend to be lazy about pronunciation, but the reference books are on my side, and in any case, the strict syllable count was not required for this.

Steve

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is an excellent entry for this contest. Your poem says so much in so few words. Beautifully written, deeply moving, and oh, so thought provoking. I wish you all the best in this contest.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016

Sasha, thank you for the very kind words.

Steve

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

It is a travesty..the answer never clear...one might be for the US to leave the Middle East..as we have spawned alliances like ISIS...but age-old battles will not end...this land is one of blood and sand and is the answer really cultural assimilation? or Trojan Horse?
Trump is not wrong about everything. yet, still...this young boy did not ask for the battle...
Heartbreaking.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Nika.
It's never the children's fault, and that is why it's so heart-breaking that they are caught in the middle.

Steve

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

The world is in chaos, Steve. We often try to forget about the plight of those who live in Hellfire every day. I wish that the bombs would stop dropping and that the folks blowing things up would find another way to express themselves that didn't involve harming other people. When will we ever learn? Sigh.
Loved your empathetic tanka. The fears of a parent that their children will be torn from their culture and chased from their homes must be gut-wrenching. There is an easy solution - but no one seems to want to consider it. Just stop.
Your pivot works well, and so does your haiku portion of the poem. Very timely, my friend.
Rose.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Rose.

I agree with your solution - and I think I've written about it before. Why is it so hard to understand that violence always begets more violence?

Steve

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

When you think about the hundreds of thousands of children who are the victims of sense war it is enough to make you scream, "No more war."

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Tom.

better scream loud, if we want those who make the decisions to hear!

Steve

reply by Thomas Bowling on 07-Sep-2016

The ones who decide are usually the ones who decide to go to war.
My story "Police Action" about the Vietnam war makes this point,

Comment from granny goes viral

Excellent

Hi Old Friend. So sad. So so sad. Tanka or just a flow of hope, your words speak to my heart. I know, we writers have so much to write about now. I am glad to be back.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

And good to see you back. I believe you may have had some health issues - I hope your return to FS signals better days ahead!

Yes, indeed, this sometimes teetering world offers plenty of inspiration for anyone with a conscience.

Steve

Comment from Julia.

Excellent

Love your tanka. It's very emotional, and the first line is great. You've done a good job of making the third line the pivot, as is in all good tanka. I like the alliteration in dangerous/desperate and the slant rhyme in brim/glimmers. All really good stuff.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Julia.

I do keep trying. One day I'll win another contest!

Steve

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I often wonder if governments every consider what war and poverty does to the children. I doubt it. Thank you for sharing this wonderful contest entry. Good luck

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Barbara.

This is why the notion of 'collateral damage' is such a dismal concept!

Steve

Comment from brenda bickers

Excellent

Hi Steve,
this is such a strong poem and the picture just echoes your words. You have said so much in so few lines yet manage to hit a nerve.
I wish all these poor children a safe and happier life on the other side.
Brenda:))x

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Brenda.

I hope for the same thing.

Steve

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

kiwisteveh,

This tanka is moving and worth a million words. Our children of war torn and strifed countries suffer immensely. Innocence burdened with hate and uncertainty around every corner. The pic makes me want to cry. Beautiful tanka... jimi

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016

Thanks, Jimi. Every poet wants to hear that their work has had an emotional impact.

Yes, whatever is going on around them, it is never the children's fault - they are innocent victims of greed and bigotry and power-hungry maniacs.

Steve