Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

"Carmen horse" should be "horse Carmen".

Mixes past and present tenses throughout the telling of this story. Should be one or the other.

A good horse is indeed hard to find.

Seems this one taught you more than one valuable lesson about judging people and horses for their skin-deep beauty, when it is what lies inside them that matters much more.

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016

Thank you. Sorry, I always called her Carmen horse and wrote it the same way. I will check the tenses. Telling this kind of story it is easy to get them mixed.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I love your story about Pete. I was saddened by the start as Carmen died.

You told your story well. I enjoyed reading it. I know nothing about horses except that I wish I knew more about them. The 'prancing' lines were so special. I found myself tearing up over Pete's death. But I have to remind myself that those 12 years were the best he had & you were his best friend.

Being calm with an accepting nature were the most important requirements for my new mount. [was not were--singular subject needs singular verb]


Thanks for sharing & best wishes in the contest. Jan

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016

Thank you. Twenty-four years is a long life for a horse. I knew it would happen one day but it was still sad.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

What a beautiful story about a wonderful little horse. A feel-good piece that everyone will like. My daughter and I had horses. Those were good times. :)

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you. I bet you kind of miss your horses. I know I do.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written non-fiction story. A gentle mannered horse is a pleasure to have around. My daughter had two horses at different times that she adored.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you, Sandra. A good horse is a wonderful thing to own. Pete was more like a dog then a horse.

Comment from cterp

Excellent

What a captivating story! I learned a lot about horses from it, too. (I'm a cat and bird person; only been on a horse once, and it tried to buck me off; no thanks). Your writing was fluid and inviting, although I don't know what a gelding is. Does it mean what I think it means? Oops, yes it does. OK then.

chris

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you. A gelding is a castrated male horse. Very few people ride stallions. A gelding is a much safer riding animal. However, more stallions are used in strenuous events like dressage.

Comment from rockinm76233

Excellent

Great story. Only one suggestion, break your paragraph's up, make them smaller reading sequences. That helps you and your reader. But, never doubt your ability to tell a story, and that is exactly what writing is about. The ability to write a story. I can tell you, you have the ability. Keep up the good work. Traveling with your characters allows you to escape the day by day routine that sometimes drives you to your breaking point. Good luck.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you. Okay, I can break it into a few more paragraphs easy enough. You're right about writing helping ease stress.

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Exceptional

Oh my gosh, that is the most beautiful story about a special horse, Pete and the effect he had on your life. If ever I've seen a horse choose a person, this is it!
I can see why he was so special to you.
I love the part about Pete prancing at the parade. What a ham!

Love it,
Rhonda

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you. Yep, Pete was a ham. anytime he could show off and get attention he would do it.

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Well..your Pete got to me when he started dancing ...Now my eye make-up is running down my cheeks...
This is an excellent story and lesson...We had horses my entire childhood and I remember watching my grandfather jump fences gracefully on horseback...
Good job.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you. I'm so glad my story touched your heart. Pete sure touched my heart all the years he was here.

Comment from light

Excellent

This us a most enjoyable read. You taught me a lot about horses. I have a cousin who used to ride in parades and my father was a cowboy who participated in rodeos, but I'm just a city gal. Thanks for the fun read.
Elaine

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Horses are a lot of fun but can be dangerous too.

reply by light on 18-Jul-2016

I do know how dangerous the horse can be. When I was 16 I visited a cousin who had horses. I just stupidly went to the corals and got on a horse that had never been ridden. He threw me off. I didn't break anything, miraculously, but that was my experience with horses.

Comment from JW

Excellent

First and foremost, good luck in the contest.

Your story about Pete was very well written. You could easily visualize the scene before you -- that is, when I wasn't caught up in my childhood memory of the time I spent with a very beloved horse of mine - called Half Pint.

Pete and her had a lot in common.

Thanks for sharing this. JW

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016

Thank you for reading. Once in a while, a very different sort of horse comes along. I owned a lot of horses but never one with a personality like Pete.