It's All About You
Love Poem27 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a pleasantly flowing piece of free verse about the woman you love, it wuld appear to cover all the conventional aspects of attraction but in the main without going into any depths. I would have been more impressed had there been stronger images created. The words you use are very generalised and it is difficult for us to create an image of this peson.
As a poet you need to use words and expressions that enable the reader to create a living picture of the subject so that the reader fals in love with the image you create in his mind. At the moment the images are in your mind and they need to come. I suggest you have a look at "She Walks in Beauty" - a poem by Byron. Google will find it under that title. It is only 24 lines long.
The fact that his poem rhymes and yours is free verse is neither here nor there. He creates the most amazing images using similar features to your poem. See if you can work out how he creates those images and you will know how to to tewak yours to do the same thing. You have a good basis here it just needs that added imagery to make it great.
I f you let me know when its done I would be happy to look at it again and possibly regrade.
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reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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This is a pleasantly flowing piece of free verse about the woman you love, it wuld appear to cover all the conventional aspects of attraction but in the main without going into any depths. I would have been more impressed had there been stronger images created. The words you use are very generalised and it is difficult for us to create an image of this peson.
As a poet you need to use words and expressions that enable the reader to create a living picture of the subject so that the reader fals in love with the image you create in his mind. At the moment the images are in your mind and they need to come. I suggest you have a look at "She Walks in Beauty" - a poem by Byron. Google will find it under that title. It is only 24 lines long.
The fact that his poem rhymes and yours is free verse is neither here nor there. He creates the most amazing images using similar features to your poem. See if you can work out how he creates those images and you will know how to to tewak yours to do the same thing. You have a good basis here it just needs that added imagery to make it great.
I f you let me know when its done I would be happy to look at it again and possibly regrade.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Thank you I appreciate your review
Comment from jusylee72
This is a wonderful love poem proclaiming love for the one you are with and cherish. I like that it starts as if you don't have that person, but each day you realize that it is who you want.
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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This is a wonderful love poem proclaiming love for the one you are with and cherish. I like that it starts as if you don't have that person, but each day you realize that it is who you want.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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:)Thank you for your review I appreciate
Comment from MizKat
Hi SH,
I hope you don't mind me putting just the S for Sealord and H for Hunter. You have written another great poem. It was interesting to read and I enjoyed it too.
MizKat
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Hi SH,
I hope you don't mind me putting just the S for Sealord and H for Hunter. You have written another great poem. It was interesting to read and I enjoyed it too.
MizKat
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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:)Thank you for your review I appreciate
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You are a great writer and I look forward to reading more of your work.
MizKat
Comment from Ricky1024
this was very well written and tender touching love poems on I can't get it to not anonymous because it wasn't a dedication or anything I'm actually in the contest I didn't present yet my will I just wanted to climb aboard before the slots are filled it will probably be a dedication might either my wife who passed for my son not one of those too I've written many many lives on fan stories if you're familiar with Ricky 1024 Daniel know that check out my latest memory box establishing a chance of me in spirit spiritually yours from the book spiritually you are all these are fine pieces of poetry unlike you or unlike you I was never interested in writing even or reading I want to ride motorcycles minibikes play with my friends Sports thought he was for sissies little that I know and the PS 13 years I would have written 650 books of it and hundreds of thousands of coins all dressed in my house awaiting some day when I decide to publish wake up this world but thanks for this Ricky 1024 and goodre or u
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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this was very well written and tender touching love poems on I can't get it to not anonymous because it wasn't a dedication or anything I'm actually in the contest I didn't present yet my will I just wanted to climb aboard before the slots are filled it will probably be a dedication might either my wife who passed for my son not one of those too I've written many many lives on fan stories if you're familiar with Ricky 1024 Daniel know that check out my latest memory box establishing a chance of me in spirit spiritually yours from the book spiritually you are all these are fine pieces of poetry unlike you or unlike you I was never interested in writing even or reading I want to ride motorcycles minibikes play with my friends Sports thought he was for sissies little that I know and the PS 13 years I would have written 650 books of it and hundreds of thousands of coins all dressed in my house awaiting some day when I decide to publish wake up this world but thanks for this Ricky 1024 and goodre or u
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Thank you I will check it out .
Comment from foxangie123
This is a great and strong entry on love indeed. Way to go with your entry as it is so well lined indeed. Out of six yet see you at voting time. Excellent.
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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This is a great and strong entry on love indeed. Way to go with your entry as it is so well lined indeed. Out of six yet see you at voting time. Excellent.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Thank you I appreciate
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The truth. Xo..
Comment from William Ross
very good a wonderful free verse on your love for your wife. Nicely done reads very well. Great job and good luck on this, have a wonderful evening.
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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very good a wonderful free verse on your love for your wife. Nicely done reads very well. Great job and good luck on this, have a wonderful evening.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Thank you William I appreciate your review
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. This is a very lovely and well written poem. There is one typo you may want to check. You wrote (breathe) of spring, and I think you meant (breath). Otherwise, it is perfect. Best of luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Excellent. This is a very lovely and well written poem. There is one typo you may want to check. You wrote (breathe) of spring, and I think you meant (breath). Otherwise, it is perfect. Best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 01-May-2016
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Thank you I appreciate .I have made the change.