Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Falling Off The Edge - Part Six"A true story
37 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ulla,
Well and on it goes, as they say. Good job you had such a sharp lawyer on hand! The final line gave me a good old chuckle too.
to have been in cohort - cohorts.
yet again come up trump - trumps.
G
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Ulla,
Well and on it goes, as they say. Good job you had such a sharp lawyer on hand! The final line gave me a good old chuckle too.
to have been in cohort - cohorts.
yet again come up trump - trumps.
G
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi G, great that you like it. I think the next chapter will be the end of this little tale. I've corrected. Thanks for pointing it out. Oh I needed my drink after the day I'd had! All best. Ulla:))
Comment from Jay Squires
I've always enjoyed your writing, Ulla. You are very entertaining and you use dialogue correctly to carry the storyline forward rapidly.
A few things you need to attend to:
hair was tied back in a severe bun that combined with the dark blue suit emphasised the impression of severe authority. [Suggest you find a synonym for one "severe". Two in the same sentence makes for quite an echo.]
I could see the mirth in her eyes and I dared to relax a little. [Any time you have "Could" in a sentence, look to see if you can make the sentence more active than passive construction. Here, you could say, "I SAW the mirth in her eyes ...]
Well, to cut a long story short, It all started [use lower case for IT.]
I'll be in touch as soon as I know more, but be forwarned. [... but be FOREWARNED ...]
Another taxi, and half an hour later I was in the airport. [Comma after LATER.]
My plain took off an hour later [My PLANE took off...]
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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I've always enjoyed your writing, Ulla. You are very entertaining and you use dialogue correctly to carry the storyline forward rapidly.
A few things you need to attend to:
hair was tied back in a severe bun that combined with the dark blue suit emphasised the impression of severe authority. [Suggest you find a synonym for one "severe". Two in the same sentence makes for quite an echo.]
I could see the mirth in her eyes and I dared to relax a little. [Any time you have "Could" in a sentence, look to see if you can make the sentence more active than passive construction. Here, you could say, "I SAW the mirth in her eyes ...]
Well, to cut a long story short, It all started [use lower case for IT.]
I'll be in touch as soon as I know more, but be forwarned. [... but be FOREWARNED ...]
Another taxi, and half an hour later I was in the airport. [Comma after LATER.]
My plain took off an hour later [My PLANE took off...]
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Jay, thanks a lot for this encouraging review. I'm flattered that you like my writing. I corrected the minute I saw this. How I don't see it when I'm editing is beyond me. I spend so much time and yet I don't see it. Thanks again. All the best. Ulla:)))
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I hear the same thing from Mastery as well, and he is quite careful, but truth be known, the same thing happens with me. I think it simply takes a fresh pair of eyes to look at it.
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So right. I think I look myself blind, so to speak, going over it again and again. Ulla:)))
Comment from DonandVicki
A very good story line and I have been following this as you have given me an inspiration for this style of writing. Your characters are well presented and you have a good way of pulling the reader into the story. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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A very good story line and I have been following this as you have given me an inspiration for this style of writing. Your characters are well presented and you have a good way of pulling the reader into the story. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. I'm very pleased that I am an inspiration. Great praise indeed. All the best. Ulla :)))
Comment from foxangie123
You are so very clever, talented, gifted, spectacular and down right wonderful at writing indeed you are. Your pen is so very filled with lined excellence. I mean it. Bravo.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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You are so very clever, talented, gifted, spectacular and down right wonderful at writing indeed you are. Your pen is so very filled with lined excellence. I mean it. Bravo.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hi Angie, thank you so much for this great review. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well, that's good news! Sounds like she knew what to do. Nice writing... just found a misspelled word:
My plain took off an hour later <-- Typo on PLANE.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Well, that's good news! Sounds like she knew what to do. Nice writing... just found a misspelled word:
My plain took off an hour later <-- Typo on PLANE.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hi Phyllis, thanks ever so much. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from c_lucas
At least he didn't indicate that the pilot was having a triple. This is very well written with an interesting ending. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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At least he didn't indicate that the pilot was having a triple. This is very well written with an interesting ending. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for the great review. All the best. Ulla
Comment from MTF1955
Another wonderful chapter. Your descriptions put me right into the room with them. I look forward to what comes next. Great job. Mary
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Another wonderful chapter. Your descriptions put me right into the room with them. I look forward to what comes next. Great job. Mary
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot for this great review, All the best. Ulla
Comment from Wabigoon
Ulla--
Fun episode. I really like this description:
"Mrs Faber was an impressive woman at the best of times. Her salt and pepper hair was tied back in a severe bun that combined with the dark blue suit emphasised the impression of severe authority. I gathered it was her power look, reserved for the court.
Although, when I gazed into her dark blue eyes lit up by her genuine smile, I realised that she was indeed inclined towards sincere friendliness. It was obvious to see the beauty she must once have been, and I acknowledged she was still quite the looker in her own way."
You seem to have relaxed enough here about your English to really use it to describe somebody. Well done!
This, however, I wonder about, whether you have the right word:
"seemed to have been in cohort with" -- "cohort" works but I wonder if you mean cahoots. which means in secret league with another. more or less.
Very well done episode.
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Ulla--
Fun episode. I really like this description:
"Mrs Faber was an impressive woman at the best of times. Her salt and pepper hair was tied back in a severe bun that combined with the dark blue suit emphasised the impression of severe authority. I gathered it was her power look, reserved for the court.
Although, when I gazed into her dark blue eyes lit up by her genuine smile, I realised that she was indeed inclined towards sincere friendliness. It was obvious to see the beauty she must once have been, and I acknowledged she was still quite the looker in her own way."
You seem to have relaxed enough here about your English to really use it to describe somebody. Well done!
This, however, I wonder about, whether you have the right word:
"seemed to have been in cohort with" -- "cohort" works but I wonder if you mean cahoots. which means in secret league with another. more or less.
Very well done episode.
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot Jeff, and I did the correction. You are right and I can see the difference in meaning. I am so glad you like this story. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Fabulous, Ulla. I was so pleased to see another chapter and enjoyed this one very much. I love Mrs Faber, but she does sound rather no-nonsense. Also your gentle emotions are well done, Giddy (my [plane] ) near the end. Blessings, :))
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Fabulous, Ulla. I was so pleased to see another chapter and enjoyed this one very much. I love Mrs Faber, but she does sound rather no-nonsense. Also your gentle emotions are well done, Giddy (my [plane] ) near the end. Blessings, :))
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hi Giddy, Thanks again for a wonderful review. I'm so pleased that you like it. A lot of praise her and thanks for that. Made the correction. What a silly mistake. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from robyn corum
Ulla,
I'm so glad to see you've found a lawyer to take the case and handle things for you. heehee They don't know who they're messing with! HA!
I was a little puzzled by that paragraph saying that your 'adoptive parents' had tried to make sure in advance you would be taken care of, but then your 'adoptive mother' went in a different direction. Wouldn't she be part of the 'parents' set? That was a little confusing, and made me stop and ponder.
A few more notes, if I may:
1.) Her salt and pepper hair was tied back in a severe bun that(,) combined with the dark blue suit(,) (emphasized) the impression of severe authority.
2.) Although, when I gazed into her dark blue eyes lit up by her genuine smile,
--> you just used 'dark blue' in the above paragraph to describe her suit. Can we come up with a more appropriate and vivid color for her eyes? Ex.: ultramarine, navy blue, midnight blue...?
3.) as I know more, but be (forewarned)
4.) My (plane) took off an hour later and when the flight attendant arrived
Thanks!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Ulla,
I'm so glad to see you've found a lawyer to take the case and handle things for you. heehee They don't know who they're messing with! HA!
I was a little puzzled by that paragraph saying that your 'adoptive parents' had tried to make sure in advance you would be taken care of, but then your 'adoptive mother' went in a different direction. Wouldn't she be part of the 'parents' set? That was a little confusing, and made me stop and ponder.
A few more notes, if I may:
1.) Her salt and pepper hair was tied back in a severe bun that(,) combined with the dark blue suit(,) (emphasized) the impression of severe authority.
2.) Although, when I gazed into her dark blue eyes lit up by her genuine smile,
--> you just used 'dark blue' in the above paragraph to describe her suit. Can we come up with a more appropriate and vivid color for her eyes? Ex.: ultramarine, navy blue, midnight blue...?
3.) as I know more, but be (forewarned)
4.) My (plane) took off an hour later and when the flight attendant arrived
Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot Robyn and so sorry for being this late in answering . All corrections made. All best. Ulla:)))