Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Falling Off The Edge - Part Five"A true story
40 total reviews
Comment from Eric1
Hi Ullah, this is another excellent chapter in your wonderful and beautifully written autobiography. Gaining your inheritance is becoming very complex but if it means getting one over that pompous idiot at the church then it all worth it my friend.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Hi Ullah, this is another excellent chapter in your wonderful and beautifully written autobiography. Gaining your inheritance is becoming very complex but if it means getting one over that pompous idiot at the church then it all worth it my friend.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot, Eric. Much appreciated. All the best. Ulla
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from jpduck
You give us a clear picture of the agitation you were feeling -- good visceral descriptions.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'and this is rather urgent if not [short of] *quite* an emergency' (As you have written it, you are effectively saying that it IS an emergency. But I think you meant it was not quite an emergency, but pretty close).
'She's *re*presented me before'
'and I must have succeeded because they both gave me the thum*b*s up'
'The blond*,* manicured receptionist looked up at me'
Adrian
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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You give us a clear picture of the agitation you were feeling -- good visceral descriptions.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'and this is rather urgent if not [short of] *quite* an emergency' (As you have written it, you are effectively saying that it IS an emergency. But I think you meant it was not quite an emergency, but pretty close).
'She's *re*presented me before'
'and I must have succeeded because they both gave me the thum*b*s up'
'The blond*,* manicured receptionist looked up at me'
Adrian
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Adrian, thanks a lot, and sorry to be so late in answering. My family has been down from Denmark visiting so have been busy with my two small granddaughters. I have made major edits to this chapter and I hope it reads tighter now. All the best. Ulla
Comment from JTStone
I've been waiting for this. I love the sense of urgency you write into this story. So much to do, so little time. And a little man that needs to be squished for his pompous attitude. This is well written and tight for non-fiction. You have an interesting life girl.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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I've been waiting for this. I love the sense of urgency you write into this story. So much to do, so little time. And a little man that needs to be squished for his pompous attitude. This is well written and tight for non-fiction. You have an interesting life girl.
Jimmy
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Hi Jimmy, thanks a lot for the great review, and I' glad it didn't disappoint. All the best. Ella
Comment from MTF1955
Excellent writing. I think you have a lot to say and you say extremely well. I felt I was right there with Ulla. Look forward to your next chapter. Great Job. Mary
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Excellent writing. I think you have a lot to say and you say extremely well. I felt I was right there with Ulla. Look forward to your next chapter. Great Job. Mary
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Mary, thank you so much for the great review, and the wonderful six. It means so much to me.I am sorry I'm a bit late in answering , but we have my family visiting all the way from Denmark. I'm so busy with my two grandchildren. Again thanks a lot. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Gosh,Ulla, I was so thrilled to see another chapter posted.You sure had to do a lot of chasing around to get your inheritance and we haven't seen the end of it yet which is so intriguing. I think we are all holding our breaths! Giddy
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Gosh,Ulla, I was so thrilled to see another chapter posted.You sure had to do a lot of chasing around to get your inheritance and we haven't seen the end of it yet which is so intriguing. I think we are all holding our breaths! Giddy
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Giddy, thanks a lot for the great review. Yes, it was a hectic day, and as you say it's not finished yet. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Chris Walker
This was an enjoyable read-it held my interest and was easy to read. When I came to the end I wanted to read more! So I look forward to when post more. Thanks for sharing. ~Chris
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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This was an enjoyable read-it held my interest and was easy to read. When I came to the end I wanted to read more! So I look forward to when post more. Thanks for sharing. ~Chris
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you very much. Very appreciated. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ulla
= Good building of tension to a just as good of an end hook.
= Remembering to describe emotion through action as well as words has improved too.
= You've gotten better in many areas. Well done! (*_*)
<> Tweaked for the following things ...
<> Try to structure sentences to eliminate =wordiness= Sometimes implementing commas correctly, will also eliminate too many =and= too.
<> Also, when you can, try not starting sentences back to back with same word, such as =The= etc.
<> Incorrect punctuation.
<> SPACE before/after words with ellipses.
=YOURS=
"Hold on I'll see what I can do," and then... then the phone went dead.
=SUGGEST=
"Hold on, I'll see what I can do." Then ... then the phone went dead.
=YOURS=
"Hello, are you still there?"
"Oh, yes," I breathed down the phone.
=SUGGEST=
"Hello. Are you still there?"
"Oh, yes." I breathed into the phone.
=YOURS=
The receptionist knocked on the door and opened it wide to let me in. The first thing that I noticed was Mrs. Faber, standing in front of her oval desk, in the somewhat opulent office. Her gray hair was swept back in a bun, giving her a severe look that was somewhat softened by her friendly smile and her hand stretched out in greeting.
=SUGGEST=
==> Tweaked to delete one =THE= that begins sentence.
The receptionist knocked on the door, and then opened it wide to let me in. I saw Mrs. Faber standing in front of her oval desk in the somewhat opulent office. Her gray hair was swept back in a bun, giving her a severe look that was somewhat softened by her friendly smile. She stretched her hand out in greeting.
<> Change =, and= to =than=
= No sooner had I entered[, and] (than) my stomach
<> No comma.
= and stepped out onto the pavement[,] in front of
<> Incorrect SPAG
= "Oh, yes, [You](you) are expected. Follow me, please(,) and I'll take
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi, Ulla
= Good building of tension to a just as good of an end hook.
= Remembering to describe emotion through action as well as words has improved too.
= You've gotten better in many areas. Well done! (*_*)
<> Tweaked for the following things ...
<> Try to structure sentences to eliminate =wordiness= Sometimes implementing commas correctly, will also eliminate too many =and= too.
<> Also, when you can, try not starting sentences back to back with same word, such as =The= etc.
<> Incorrect punctuation.
<> SPACE before/after words with ellipses.
=YOURS=
"Hold on I'll see what I can do," and then... then the phone went dead.
=SUGGEST=
"Hold on, I'll see what I can do." Then ... then the phone went dead.
=YOURS=
"Hello, are you still there?"
"Oh, yes," I breathed down the phone.
=SUGGEST=
"Hello. Are you still there?"
"Oh, yes." I breathed into the phone.
=YOURS=
The receptionist knocked on the door and opened it wide to let me in. The first thing that I noticed was Mrs. Faber, standing in front of her oval desk, in the somewhat opulent office. Her gray hair was swept back in a bun, giving her a severe look that was somewhat softened by her friendly smile and her hand stretched out in greeting.
=SUGGEST=
==> Tweaked to delete one =THE= that begins sentence.
The receptionist knocked on the door, and then opened it wide to let me in. I saw Mrs. Faber standing in front of her oval desk in the somewhat opulent office. Her gray hair was swept back in a bun, giving her a severe look that was somewhat softened by her friendly smile. She stretched her hand out in greeting.
<> Change =, and= to =than=
= No sooner had I entered[, and] (than) my stomach
<> No comma.
= and stepped out onto the pavement[,] in front of
<> Incorrect SPAG
= "Oh, yes, [You](you) are expected. Follow me, please(,) and I'll take
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Jax, thanks a lot for this detailed review and the time you have taken. I have corrected where needed and made various changes. Commas are really difficult to me as the rules in English sometimes baffle me. I try, and I have learned a lot, but I will never master it. So different rules from Danish and other languages. I so appreciate the help. I'm also happy that you like my writing. Thanks again Jax. All the best. Ulla
Comment from foxangie123
You are so very creative and have a special magic that flows from each thing you write about. Your abilities to write are incredible and so very wonderful my friend. Great things are coming soon to you... You Rock and Roll.....
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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You are so very creative and have a special magic that flows from each thing you write about. Your abilities to write are incredible and so very wonderful my friend. Great things are coming soon to you... You Rock and Roll.....
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Oh, Angie. Thanks a lot, you are so sweet. All the best. Ulla:))
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I love your writings.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter, and good thing you knew this lawyer. She seems glad to see you. I'm curious as to what she'll have to say. The law is different in diff countries, isn't it?
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Good chapter, and good thing you knew this lawyer. She seems glad to see you. I'm curious as to what she'll have to say. The law is different in diff countries, isn't it?
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Phyllis, thanks a lot for the great review. Yes, the law in Denmark at the time was and is that you cannot disinherit a child. The whole issue here is that I was adopted towards the end of 1954. If the adoptive parents had not made an annotation to their will I would not have inherited. But I have just had confirmed that they indeed did so hence my visit now to my lawyer. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from MelB
It's so nerve wracking when you know you only have a certain amount of time to do this and then catch a flight. So much stress and then being nervous on top of it. I hope they can help and get the information you need.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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It's so nerve wracking when you know you only have a certain amount of time to do this and then catch a flight. So much stress and then being nervous on top of it. I hope they can help and get the information you need.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Hi Mel, thanks a lot for this great review. All the best. Ulla:)))