Comment from write hand blue

Exceptional

Hi Dean, I've heard of the term Doppleganger before but never truly understood what it meant.

You illustrate that well, in your inversion of the character of the little girl. What a surprise when we learn that she is under the bed, instead of under the covers on top of the bed. That twist at the end.

The mood is established well with the audio background and is worthy of a six. I enjoyed this one.

:) Mel.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks, Mel, I am so glad you did, my friend. This series is intended to entertain and scare the pants off people more than literary art, LOL. But, there's nothing wrong with having a bit of campy fun every now & again, right?

Thanks again for the kind comments and six stars. Have a great weekend. :} ~Dean

reply by write hand blue on 29-Mar-2015

You're right a good old scare is what attracts readers... :) Mel.

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

Dreams?
For many minds there is a VERY thin line between reality and ... the other side.
It seems that perhaps you've always walked that thin line. Gulp!!!
Your horror is ...horrible, scary and sometimes disgusting -just like it's meant to be.
A great tale so craftily told in just 60 words. Amazing.
I'm still shell-shocked. I had a few nightmarish dreams as a child also.
I certainly wouldn't want to relive them in print.
"-) Shirley

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Good heavens I sure hope not, Shirley! LOL... All of the stories in this book will be either old tales told around campfires for years, or urban legends, myths, and even ideas contributed by fellow members. If a member sends me an idea, and I use it, they will receive credit in my author's notes, but the tale will have my unique spin on it, if you will. So, send me those nightmares, those childhood beasties that lurked in your dark closet as a child. I can use all of the ideas I can get!

Thanks so much for taking the time to review this. I sincerely appreciate it. :} ~Dean

reply by Shirley E Kennedy on 28-Mar-2015

You are so welcome Dean.
You have a real talent, but goodness knows how you cope with those beasties coming to mind all the time. Lol.
Wow! How cool would it be to simply give bad dreams away-Your muse could be the bad dream catcher. Hmm!
After my parents separated I was taught to fear dad-he was the boogie man. He was every shape and shadow that waited to snatch me in the daylight or the dark. Fear of the boogie man invaded my childhood dreams. Every door that creaked or window that rattled had a ghostly/ghoulish hand. I didn't know what my father's voice sounded like so any strange or distorted voice-could it be him coming to steal me away?
Quite frightening for a child from five years old and now in a new abusive situation.
Some fears never leave you- I am still claustrophobic and afraid of the dark, and shadows-hell ! One shadow still keeps following me. Lol.

reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Yes, that would definitely be horrifying for a child, and many adults I know would have a hard time with something like that as well! There are things in this world and beyond that cannot be explained away by a scientific or reasonable explanation, regardless of what people think.

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

HEY DON'T LOOK UNDER THE BED THINGS GO BUMP INTO THE NIGHT. LOVED THE OLD RADIO SHOWS OF HORROR AND MYSTERY, IN THE OLD DAYS IT IS ALL WE HAD

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks, Country, and I'm not so sure that it was a bad thing either. Technological advancements aren't all they're cracked up to be. Sometimes, simpler is better.

Thanks very much for your comments.~Dean

Comment from Neonewman

Exceptional

Oh My!
I love the old horror flicks with their most wonderfully creepy tunes.
Amazing tale you have crafted young man with such few words. I so miss not being able to view my fanstory friends work as often as I would like. Work has been an utter horror these days!
I hope you did well with this brilliant little piece.
God bless my friend!
Steve

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Work has been a horror you say, Steve? It sounds like g-r-r-r-r-e-a-t fun to me, LOL... All of the stories in this book will be either old tales told around campfires for years, or urban legends, myths, and even ideas contributed by fellow members. If a member sends me an idea, and I use it, they will receive credit in my author's notes, but the tale will have my unique spin on it, if you will. So, send me those nightmares, those childhood beasties that lurked in your dark closet as a child. I can use all of the ideas I can get!

God bless you too, my dear friend, and thank you for your very generous rating and review. :} ~Dean

reply by Neonewman on 30-Mar-2015

Well, because of Stephen King who I truly adore! I was terrified of clowns and I'm still not to particularly fond of them LOL! But it was ultimately the closet monster that tormented me at night! I swear to this day that those glowing orange eyes that peeked from beneath my closet door were real. I still sleep with my closet doors shut! I also had a reoccurring nightmare that I was running down our long dark hallway (that lead to my parents room) I was being chased by a demon or the devil himself. No matter how fast I would run, his incredibly foul, hot breath flooded the back of my neck. He never did catch me tho' but that didn't deter the damn dream. Luckily I have not had this dream in many years. My twin nephews are scared of the yellow, hairy monster that lives in our woods lol! Not sure where they came up with this idea at the age of 3, but they will not walk outside by themselves during the day and never at night! Hope this fuels that inspirational train that speeds out of control in that wonderfully, magnificent mind of yours.
God bless!
Steve

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015

Those are great stories for inspiration, Steve, and I thank you for that!

I talk to Mr. King from time to time on my author page on Facebook. The reason I know it's him writing and not simply some flunky who's been hired to do so is because his comments always have that underlying dark humor about them when he converses with you. I swear, he could be a stand up comedian if his time weren't so taken up by his writing, his band ( Rock Bottom Remainders ), and, of course, his wife Tabitha and family.

He's kind enough to supply with with some great advice from time to time, when he has the chance. He claims to be a fan of my work, but I don't know. I'm no Stephen King, not by a long shot!

Thanks so much again for those ideas, Steve. I'll see what I can do with them. :}

~Dean

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Wow. I had to read this twice. The real Betsy is under the bed! Skillful short short story, although IMO you should delete "instantly" in this sentence:Terror instantly seizes his heart in a vice-like death grip.
Maybe even delete "in a vice-like."
What a terrible nightmare! Did you ever tell your parents? Have you tried to interpret it? Maybe you thought you were adopted!

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Thanks, Shari. I'm not really sure what brought that particular dream on. I was the oldest of two brothers at the time, and I remember my parents doting over my little brother a lot. Maybe I just felt they were going to be taken from me. Hard to say, really.

I took your advice and made some changes. I appreciate that. :}

~Dean

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Thank you for adding the notes about your recurring nightmare when you were young, since it provides useful additional context. I have always liked the notion of a doppelganger and admired your short but gripping story. The conclusion is unexpected and choice! Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Thanks very much for your review, Joan. It is appreciated. :}

~Dean

Comment from evilynne

Excellent

Suitably spooky and the introduction by audio was neat. Your background story of your dream was also very fascinating. The reading of your perfectly written work is nightmare worthy. Evi

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Thanks, Evi, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it and I am very grateful to you for doing so. :}

~Dean

Comment from sharonmealler

Excellent

I love being scared. The music was a great touch. The only problem I have with it is it's not long enough. Great reading. When's the movie coming out. Keep up the scary work.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015

Ah, the perils of flash fiction -- the short length. On the other hand, in this get it fast, get it now world, flash fiction is about the only thing the younger generation will take the time to read.

I very much appreciate you reading it. Thanks you very much for your thoughtful review. :}

~Dean

Comment from Eric1

Excellent

Hi Dean, I did as you asked and listened to the music, it did add an air of terror to your wonderful words my friend, as a boy I always looked under the bed before going to sleep, Your Author notes were as frightening as your story my friend, Brilliant as always.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks a bunch, Eric my friend. I am very glad you're enjoying the stories in this series, and I appreciate you taking the time to read them. Much obliged for the review. ~Dean

reply by Eric1 on 28-Mar-2015

You are very welcome Deano

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

Really terrifying flash fiction. Have you published this any place else? I swear I have read this before. Gives a great visual. Imagery was gripping. Great job. Gretchen

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

No, this is it, Gretchen. But it's a pretty common story, passed down for campfire to campfire. It's been around awhile. Some of these stories will be contributions and ideas from other members here, some of them will be based on urban legends and myths. I am just going to add my own personal touches and spin to them.

Much obliged for the review, my friend. :)

~Dean