To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Reflective Thoughts"Free Verse Poetry
33 total reviews
Comment from pattipac
Mikey, a shower of contentment settled upon me as I read through your free-verse poem. Memory of beautiful places we have visited can be revisited at anytime, to motivate the passion to write within us. Good luck!
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Mikey, a shower of contentment settled upon me as I read through your free-verse poem. Memory of beautiful places we have visited can be revisited at anytime, to motivate the passion to write within us. Good luck!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from Sasha
Free Verse is one of my favorites, but I also find them quite difficult. You outdid yourself with this one. Marvelous work and I just love, "a coaster to honor all mothers everywhere". This is a superb entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
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Free Verse is one of my favorites, but I also find them quite difficult. You outdid yourself with this one. Marvelous work and I just love, "a coaster to honor all mothers everywhere". This is a superb entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from donaldww
The poem opens with a fabulous line: "I stand at the ocean's door and bid the sea rise."
It is suggestive of the ancient practice of hailing the muse before beginning to write, for example from Homer's Odyssey, Book I:
"Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
driven time and again off course ..."
And your poem has its own twists and turns as the poet meanders along his river of thoughts.
My only suggestion is to either delete or replace the last line: "know it." It is a hackneyed phrase that ruins the tone evoked by the earlier, more elegant diction.
You might even consider replacing the entire last stanza with something elevational. What I mean is, you have the reader in your literary grip at that moment. What you do with this stanza either turns the poem into magic or blow the moment like a fart in a rose garden.
Quite a beautiful piece, one worth spending time to improve the ending (after the contest is over).
Good luck!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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The poem opens with a fabulous line: "I stand at the ocean's door and bid the sea rise."
It is suggestive of the ancient practice of hailing the muse before beginning to write, for example from Homer's Odyssey, Book I:
"Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
driven time and again off course ..."
And your poem has its own twists and turns as the poet meanders along his river of thoughts.
My only suggestion is to either delete or replace the last line: "know it." It is a hackneyed phrase that ruins the tone evoked by the earlier, more elegant diction.
You might even consider replacing the entire last stanza with something elevational. What I mean is, you have the reader in your literary grip at that moment. What you do with this stanza either turns the poem into magic or blow the moment like a fart in a rose garden.
Quite a beautiful piece, one worth spending time to improve the ending (after the contest is over).
Good luck!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2014
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An excellent thoughtful review. I'll consider your suggestion on the last stanza. It was somewhat intentional to end it the way I did. I wanted to come down from the grandeur a bit and walk away as an ordinary person. You make an excellent point though. I'll let it roll around in my brain and maybe see what it looks like with a more elegant ending. Thank you. Great ideas and review. mikey
Comment from ragamuffin
"a coaster to honor all mothers everywhere" Thank-you, lol. A great free verse. it exemplifies the thoughts that just kinda take off and run wild in our minds while we're garnering inspiration. Tough part is condensing it all into reasonable sized poem, which your piece represents that difficulty as well. Free-spritited piece. Very enjoyable.
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"a coaster to honor all mothers everywhere" Thank-you, lol. A great free verse. it exemplifies the thoughts that just kinda take off and run wild in our minds while we're garnering inspiration. Tough part is condensing it all into reasonable sized poem, which your piece represents that difficulty as well. Free-spritited piece. Very enjoyable.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from IndianaIrish
Excellent free verse poem, Mikey, and your presentation is wonderful. The poetic devices of enjambment, metaphor, personification and alliteration makes your poem a delight to read. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy ;-)
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Excellent free verse poem, Mikey, and your presentation is wonderful. The poetic devices of enjambment, metaphor, personification and alliteration makes your poem a delight to read. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy ;-)
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from adewpearl
I just LOVE the visual and the humor in your coaster/cup passage
great visual in the flying fish/dolphin passage
very fanciful spirit in the wolf in tree passage
great personification
I like the nap/hat proximate rhyme
fantastic ending :-) Brooke
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I just LOVE the visual and the humor in your coaster/cup passage
great visual in the flying fish/dolphin passage
very fanciful spirit in the wolf in tree passage
great personification
I like the nap/hat proximate rhyme
fantastic ending :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
This is a repeat. Looks like a dandy. You are good at black &white too. Pretty creative writing. I believe, you may can beat them at the Simple Simon game... who needs all of that. If you beat them at this they got no excuse. No pictures, videos, music artwork and puppies. It's an even playing field with no advantage. Bring it, this is good. Wish you luck in the contest. The words are exceptional. I was amused. Count your doubloon. do loco
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This is a repeat. Looks like a dandy. You are good at black &white too. Pretty creative writing. I believe, you may can beat them at the Simple Simon game... who needs all of that. If you beat them at this they got no excuse. No pictures, videos, music artwork and puppies. It's an even playing field with no advantage. Bring it, this is good. Wish you luck in the contest. The words are exceptional. I was amused. Count your doubloon. do loco
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Mikey, this is very well written. Good writing sometimes depends a lot on the mood of the writer, and to get to the best stuff within ourselves, we have to create our own writing environments. Well done and good luck.
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Mikey, this is very well written. Good writing sometimes depends a lot on the mood of the writer, and to get to the best stuff within ourselves, we have to create our own writing environments. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH yes as a writer there are no boundaries except the imagination and yours is the best there is around. This is proof of it. Great job
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OH yes as a writer there are no boundaries except the imagination and yours is the best there is around. This is proof of it. Great job
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Michael, I love this imaginative free verse about some moments in the life of a writer. You're right. Who else but a poet has dominion over the universe? Best wishes, Jeanie
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Michael, I love this imaginative free verse about some moments in the life of a writer. You're right. Who else but a poet has dominion over the universe? Best wishes, Jeanie
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014