Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

pudgy fingers, and the balloon - add the comma
you set the stage well
excellent dialogue that sounds just like a little girl and her mom
great explanation of how she comes to be lost
I love her little-girl perspective and the way she talks to inanimate objects :-)
This is just right for children - there is just enough danger without too much build up of worry - there is conflict but a lovely resolution that comes before any child hearing the story is going to get upset :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Brooke, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it. I am delighted that the dialogue worked OK. It is something that I struggle with. Thanks for picking up the missing comma, too.

Comment from jmdg1954

Exceptional

This is a fantastic children's story, one that most of us have lived both sides of. I'm sure that we've lost the balloon and have been the supporting parent to our child that has lost one as well.

The story had a warm flow to it. Not jagged or haphazard. Good charectors... John

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, John, for reading and reviewing and for the six stars. A real confidence booster. I mainly write poetry and seldom venture into prose. Glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from His Grayness

Exceptional

Dear Tony: this is simply delightful, uplifting, smile making, yes-nodding, captivating, and meaningful as a lesson on simple love and compassion! Loved it!!! Vance

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Vance, for reading and reviewing and for the six stars. A real confidence booster. I mainly write poetry and seldom venture into prose. Glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

What a charming picture book this would make for children who would identify with Sophie for sure. A nice lesson too on the generosity of others. A good read that kept my attention in spite of a biggggggggg age difference.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Spitfire, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it and thought it might have some appeal. That's very reassuring, as it is generally the grandparents that buy the books. LOL Best wishes, Tony

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

This is a sweet and endearing story. Losing a balloon can be such a tragic loss for a small child. How nice that Sophie ran into such a nice boy and his grandpa and still had a balloon at the end of the story. Everyone won and was happy. It's just as delightful as going to the fair should be.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, WJ, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it and thought the tone suitable for a young child. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from GeraldS

Excellent

This is a nice children's story, and one that can be used to teach a few lessons too. The narrative is well-written and provides an easy read. With the proper illustrations, this could easily turn into a children's book.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Gerald, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it and thought it might have potential. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

You're a natural story-teller, and the dialog is effective. You presented the characters well, and I felt immediately as though I knew the child, Miss Sophie, the spoiled innocent. The situation was real enough and I felt Sophie's desire, as I did her Mama's desperation. I got lost as you were introducing Grampa, and for a bit was considering three players at this junction; looking back and rereading see that I was correct, Grandpa is a figment of the little girls imagination. I think the change in tense throws me the curve. Kenny

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Kenny, for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments about the ending. It caused one or two other comments, too. I have now revised it. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from RodG

Excellent

I really think young readers could easily relate to your story of Sophie and her lost balloon. You do a nice job of introducing her and SHOWING us how she's precocious.
What really works best in this story are two things: (1) your excellent use of dialog to characterize both Sophie and her mother, and (2) your use of figurative language like the phrases below:
zigzagging like a mayfly on a summer pond
looked so small up there holding the hand of the ferris wheel
as small as a speck of dust in the sun
What weakens your story is your sudden shift in POINT OF VIEW at the end. Who is this new speaker "I" and why have you suddenly used the first person point of view after writing 75% of the story in the omniscient POV.
Overall, I really liked it.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Rod, for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments about the ending. It caused one or two other comments, too. I have now revised it. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

That was cute Tony. I didn't know what it was all about for a short while. It was quite an adventure I must say. Good imagery I saw the entire thing in my minds eye. Well done. Good Luck in the contest. Nancy

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Nancy, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

This is a great flash fiction piece. It held my attention throughout (children's stories are about my speed - lol).
Teresa

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2014

Thanks, Teresa, for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes, Tony