Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent write, mystery writer, the doll that made her victim starve to death because they can't take their eyes off of her. I need to borrow that doll for about three days a month, lol. good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi,

This artwork is eerie, and along with your story, spot on. A doll is a doll is eerie doll.

Best of luck in the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

This is scary. It would qualify as a horror story. You built the suspense well. The picture compliments it and fills in some ideas that you were unable to get across in just 100 words. Great job.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks very much for your thoughtful review, Judy. It is greatly appreciated. :}

Comment from jpduck

Good

Amazing that just a hundred words can add up to something so powerful.
But one thing puzzles me. I assume that the penultimate sentence in bold print is a voice mail message from Beth and the 'Dear God...' is a shocked reaction to that message. I don't understand why that message induces that shock. What am I missing?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks, jpduck, and I'll do my best to sort it out for you.

Yes, the emboldened font is indeed the message coming over the answering machine, from his girlfriend, Beth. That's why it is in quotation marks, to denote that it is not coming from the narrator or protagonist in the story, but from her. The "Dear God" is not in quotation marks, and is the narrator's thoughts, who has realized that unless someone else comes over and breaks down his door, he will be trapped there for two weeks, probably dead from malnutrition and surely from dehydration, because he cannot break away from the doll's stare. I thought I'd made that clear, in the very beginning of the story. I guess I was wrong about that, hence your sub par rating... Maybe it was all of the grammatical errors that did me in, or the poor spelling? I'm unsure, as you didn't say. I can't fix it if I don not know what's wrong.

Thanks again for your review.

Comment from K. Lorraine

Excellent

I didn't expect this from the title of the flash fiction. This was great a creative approach! It also scared the hell out of me... like the movie Annabelle. I thought it was a well written Hitchcock thriller in every way.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

I won't deny that seeing the movie most likely had a huge influence in me writing this for the contest, Lorraine. But based on the results of the voting, perhaps I should have written about smiling spiders instead, LOL. Of course, mine would have venomous fangs dripping in it.

Thanks so much for your complimentary review, my friend. Now if only a few more voters would think this way...

reply by K. Lorraine on 19-Oct-2014

I guess you can't win them all... at least I haven't, but I voted for you and hopefully that counts. We'll try and hold each other chins up and keep typing away. Deal? Oh, and I like the venomous fangs idea too.

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

That we will, my friend. It's a deal. Thanks so much for your support. It is always greatly appreciated. :}

Comment from livelylinda

Excellent

Author: this is six star worthy but I'm out. Your hundred words put chills up my back and neck and I could feel being held paralyzed by the stare of a scary doll. This is creative, fresh and really scary! Simplicity at its best. You should win this contest. livelylinda

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Linda, I really appreciate your encouraging and supportive review. I only wish more voters felt as you do because my entry is getting thrashed in the contest right now! Perhaps things will pick up for me yet, it's hard to say with these contests.

Again, I am very grateful for you complimentary review. :}

Comment from mommerry

Excellent

Your story was complete and well done but I have a question - did you have the picture of the doll first and then write the story or vice versa?

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

No, I wrote the story first, as I always do, then went searching through my files for one I thought would look creepy enough to be haunted. I have dozens of creepy porcelain doll pics and animations saved. like this one, for instance...




...but I did state that she had "perfect porcelain features." So, I felt that she filled the bill the best.

Thanks so much for your encouraging review. I am getting my fanny spanked in the contest right now, but what else is new lately? :}

reply by mommerry on 18-Oct-2014

Well, you certainly couldn't have used that last one you sent! Wow!

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

I have thousands of creepy photos and animations, literally. But many frown on using animation in stories, so I rarely do it anymore.

Go figure...

Comment from perpetualwallflower

Excellent

This story is terrifying. If I had six stars I would give them to you. It's really hard to write something so good with so few words but you did a wonderful job. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks, perpetualwallflower, I only wish more voters felt the way you do. It is getting lambasted in the voting booth right now, as we speak, but I'm very happy you enjoyed it anyway.

Thanks so much again for your supportive comments. :}

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

Beware of Ebay. They probable sold the doll as the only way to escape her curse. The woman probably lost her only chance when Beth went away. Good luck to the woman. She will need it. Great work.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks, nelliesellie, I sincerely appreciate your encouraging comments and support. I really need it for this one!

Thanks so much again! :}

Comment from sibhus

Excellent

Definitely a brief story in a hundred words. And what an errie feel it has to it. That's just creepy that whole eyeless died doll thing. Poor bastard left to starve like that. Good piece that makes for a really good entry for the contest, and good luck.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Thanks, sibhus, and I'm very happy that you enjoyed reading it. It's doing terribly in the contest, but at least I tried, right?

Thanks again for your support and encouragement. :)

reply by sibhus on 18-Oct-2014

Should have wrote about potty training your grandchild that's always a winner.

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2014

Yep, I guess I should have at that. :(