Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Your dash is very well written and interesting. Story flows without glitches. First paragraph sets the stage. Image enhances your words. This is particularly nice: "He leaned over me then--like a passionate lover awaiting a kiss. I wasn't afraid."

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Thank you, BeasPeas. Although it is performing miserably in the prompt, I wanted to get the message out there that death is nothing to fear. So many here are struggling with that, especially after the loss of Alvin Ethington.

Thanks for your encouraging review, my friend.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Excellent pairing of sound effects and story. I really like the personification of Death and the attitude the speaker has about dying, which goes so well with the quotes you've chosen in your author notes. I assume this is in one of those 100 word contests. If so, it makes a strong entry. Brooke

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Yes, it is a 100 word dash entry, Brooke.

I appreciate you giving me your thoughts and opinions on this. Thanks for the kind words, too.

Comment from Michaelk

Excellent

Excellent story! The language you use is very descriptive and beautiful at the same time. I really liked how you described the living relatives as looking like spectors. It was also quite interesting how you described death as a patient lover, just waiting to take you. Great job, especially with only one hundred words to use. I hope you do well in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Thanks for your in depth insights into this story, Michaelk. I'm really glad you liked it.

Comment from LilHippie

Excellent

Very nicely done. The read was engrossing and quick. You put a lot into those hundred words, an awful lot. We will not know what it is til it happens, so who knows. Did I hear heart monitor beeps and then flatline? Boy I hope you put those sounds in, cause otherwise, I don't know what the bleep went off here at home. LOL Very creative, engrossing, thought provoking with great artwork chosen. Nice job. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Not to worry, LilHippie, I did add the heart monitor sounds. All of your home appliances are safe (LOL).

Thanks for the fantastic review, an for sharing your thoughts with me.

reply by LilHippie on 11-Mar-2014

THAT my friend, was genius! Love the little added touches, they mean so much. I know its about the writing, and yours is great, but I love those added touches! Have a great day!

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

A quite interesting take on this contest. "Out of the box" if they still say that?
Nicely done. Soft and mellow. Somber as in her last breath a stranger kisses her allowing her to drift away, content.

Excellent, thought provoking. John

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Thanks, John, and you nailed it. The rules said to be "creative", take 100 word dash to the extreme. That's precisely what I attempted to do. Of course, the jury is still out. I suppose I'll know when the final votes are tallied.

Comment from Debra White

Excellent

Hi, I loved your refreshing take on the prompt. A story well told...the scene is clear, the voice is real and the sound effect added to the atmosphere. I was gripped by each word. Great presentation and I enjoyed the author notes too - a clue to the identity of the author maybe?? Good luck in the booth, kindest regards, Debra :)

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Thank you very much, Debra. I truly appreciate that.

Comment from ennahanid

Excellent

This is a very moving and touching piece for the 100 Word Dash contest and I think this ia absolutely top drawer, no ifs or buts about it. Lovely and I wish you luck - Dinah

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014

Thanks, Dinah. I am very happy you liked it. I am also sincerely grateful for your good luck wishes.

Blessings!

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

This is powerful and it shows true love. I love the strength in this poem because of the fear, or non fear or dying, but knowing what was coming. Great, great job

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014

Thanks very much, ExperiencingLiphe. I'm very grateful for your kind comments. Thanks for reviewing my work.

Comment from Chuck23

Excellent

I enjoyed your work of flash fiction. I felt you did tell a full story in the 100 word length given for this contest. Well written, and I enjoyed the message!

Good Luck!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014

Thanks very much, Chuck. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Comment from akulkumol

Excellent

Beeautiful writing in 100 words. Its so difficult to describe a complete story so short with full climax...really a nice piece of work...thanks for sharing...

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014

Thanks for reading and commenting on it for me, akulkumol. I appreciate that very much.