Comment from The Death

Excellent

Hi:),
This is a very beautiful nonet with correct syllable count. I like the theme a lot and it flows nicely. Nice random rhymes and imagery is strong. Just one question-Why not 'Queen'?
You did a fab work!!
Good luck:)

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

I had thought about singular Queen but due to the plurality of trees had chosen otherwise. What do you think? I appreciate you, glad you like it. Carolyn

Comment from rama devi

Good

I love fall! Your poem captures the glorious color and feeling of it well. It is a true to form nonet (as long as you count brilliance as three syllables) and it has pleasing phonetics to it read aloud. The flow would be improved by using smoother enjambement between the first two lines and using punctuation to show how lines are linked and sculpt cadences with pause effect. As it is, it is kind of choppy in phrasing style. Also, using sentence style caps would help (especially if you opt out of using punctuation).

Suggestions (ideas)


The winding road stretched ahead and
tree-lines created canopy.

or

The winding road stretched before me,
tree-lined, creating canopy.

Punctuation suggestions for linking lines and above suggestions applied:

Entourage of brilliance--

Absence of chlorophyll,

designer colors--

royalties robe: NOTE SPAG: Royalty's

Majestic

queens of

fall


This has lots of potential to be a superb nonet but still needs tweaking and fine tuning. Do let me know if you make edits and wish for a second review.

The presentation is lovely.

best of luck

Warmly, rd

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 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

Thank you for such a through and kind review. I appreciate your suggestions and have used two of them. Tree-lined and Royalty's, lack of further punctuation was intentional, as was capitalization of each line. Have a wonderful day rd, :-) Carolyn

reply by rama devi on 19-Oct-2013

Thanks for your kind reply...will take another look in a minute...Warmly, rd

Comment from Curly Girly

Excellent

I really liked this royal Nonet. You created a superb job by choosing a fine array of good quality words.
I know you are talking about many trees, but I think it would sound better:
Queen of
Fall

Either way, it's a beautiful verse.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

Thanks Nicole, I studied over the plurality, read it aloud and may go back and change. Thanks as usual for this great review. I am glad you liked it. :-) Carolyn

Comment from Just Pete

Excellent

The poem enhances the picture with its descriptive phrases and words. One could almost smell the carpet of leaves as they're walked on. "Absence of chlorophyll" is a clever device. Perhaps a comma after "tree lined"? I wish you luck in this contest.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

Thanks Pete, I am glad you liked the Queens of fall. Maybe I will add that comma after all. I had left out punctuation but I am rethinking that. :-) Carolyn

Comment from Lily Y

Excellent

I really enjoyed this poem. I, myself love marveling at the wonderful simplicity of pure nature. Thus, I really appreciated the message you conveyed in this piece. I also like the way you interwove literal comparisons with figurative comparisons. I think it gives the piece an essential interesting quality that doesn't make it boring. The only suggestions I have for you are 1. to maybe add a comma after "lined." I don't know if that's against the rules of a nonet, but yeah, that's up to you. Also 2. Please do this type of poem for all four seasons, if you haven't already! I would be delighted to read them. I hope you consider my comments. Thank you! Keep writing!-Lily

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

Well Lilly, I certainly will consider your wonderful suggestions and thank you for them. I will work on those other three seasons. Lack of punctuation is intentional in this poem. I sort of struggle not to use it. :-) I appreciate you, Carolyn

Comment from Cajungirl

Excellent

The beautiful colors of Fall. I love this time of year. Trees are very lovely when they are green in the Spring and Summer. Their beauty is enhanced in the fall, yellows, gold's, reds, and brown....nothing Is more spectacular.

I loved your poem. Good luck in the contest.

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 Comment Written 19-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013

Thanks so much for the great review and good wishes. I love the fall as well. :-) Carolyn