All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Asleep in the Sun"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
49 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
Nice photo to complement this poem. It is nice to relax in the sun sometimes. But then you remember he told you he is not ever coming back. Is it fear or excitement you finally might be free. Good question.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Nice photo to complement this poem. It is nice to relax in the sun sometimes. But then you remember he told you he is not ever coming back. Is it fear or excitement you finally might be free. Good question.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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thanks so much Ine! :)S
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very welcome as always, Ine
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
a fabulous write, Sharyn, muchly deserving
a six i ain't got -bah, humbug!
it perfectly runs on different levels of
thought, from the mundane, to the heart
and, mayhaps, relief! great stuff, and
thank you for sharing. warmly, xxx, eph.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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a fabulous write, Sharyn, muchly deserving
a six i ain't got -bah, humbug!
it perfectly runs on different levels of
thought, from the mundane, to the heart
and, mayhaps, relief! great stuff, and
thank you for sharing. warmly, xxx, eph.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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aah you got the different layers, eph - hopefully Conni did too dear! Thx so much! :):)S
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yes Sharyn my dear. I got them too! I am vacating in Israel as I type, but have had a few peaks much to the disgust of my friends lol xx
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you're muchly welcome, Sharyn. xxx connie and eph.
Comment from alexgeorge
So, ambivalent feelings strike: on the one hand the cold hand of fear grips you as you contemplate being alone, but his retreat marks new possibilities, new adventures that stimulate you and make you restless to explore these new avenues opening up --RELEASE...
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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So, ambivalent feelings strike: on the one hand the cold hand of fear grips you as you contemplate being alone, but his retreat marks new possibilities, new adventures that stimulate you and make you restless to explore these new avenues opening up --RELEASE...
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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You've got it Alex - thank you so much dear! :)Sharyn
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Basically brilliant my dear. Free form with form, interior rhyme, a long, rich, rambling sentence juxtaposed with short physical inventory statements, and several delicious words: loiter, lingering,tumult, flourishing. Gotta go six, again as the words, feelings and flow all join to resonate in my mind.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Basically brilliant my dear. Free form with form, interior rhyme, a long, rich, rambling sentence juxtaposed with short physical inventory statements, and several delicious words: loiter, lingering,tumult, flourishing. Gotta go six, again as the words, feelings and flow all join to resonate in my mind.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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LOVELY! I love it when someone 'gets' it Wendy! thank you thank you thank you for that, and for your lovely six!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Lovely poem on many levels. First, the joy of simply lying in the sun and breeze. Then at the end, a dichotomy... which is it? She's feeling numb...feeling nothing. Is it from an emptiness at loss? No, wait... maybe it's FREEDOM she feels. Freedom from worry and all the trouble he was! Yes!
Love it, Sharyn. Another winner, and I'm still not allowed to give you a six, dammit.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Lovely poem on many levels. First, the joy of simply lying in the sun and breeze. Then at the end, a dichotomy... which is it? She's feeling numb...feeling nothing. Is it from an emptiness at loss? No, wait... maybe it's FREEDOM she feels. Freedom from worry and all the trouble he was! Yes!
Love it, Sharyn. Another winner, and I'm still not allowed to give you a six, dammit.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Bless you Phyllis - thank you so much dear! :)S
Comment from Tina McKala
This was awesome write! You set the peace so well. Take it as it comes. Not being afraid to be free, that, I believe, is the biggest challenge for many of us.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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This was awesome write! You set the peace so well. Take it as it comes. Not being afraid to be free, that, I believe, is the biggest challenge for many of us.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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oh bless you Tina - so glad you resonated with this one! Thank you so much for your lovely six! Yes, fear keeps us imprisoned sometimes, doesn't it? :(Sharyn
Comment from GregoryCody
Love this. You have such a skill I see at internal rhyming. Well just having such an amazing "flow" in general. I love how you nearly stop the poem and appear to almost be "speaking directly to the reader" when you start..."In. Out. Tick. Tock..." And in the above line, you create that "start stop" flow. Different styles throughout but the same voice. That's something I haven't seen before. You keep wowing me...I'd give you a seven star if it would let me...mean that. Read it to my wife.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Love this. You have such a skill I see at internal rhyming. Well just having such an amazing "flow" in general. I love how you nearly stop the poem and appear to almost be "speaking directly to the reader" when you start..."In. Out. Tick. Tock..." And in the above line, you create that "start stop" flow. Different styles throughout but the same voice. That's something I haven't seen before. You keep wowing me...I'd give you a seven star if it would let me...mean that. Read it to my wife.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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I love internal rhyming, Greg - did you guess? I'm experimenting with "formed" free verse at the moment, so I had some fun with this one. So glad you enjoyed! :)Sharyn
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Ugh formed free style? What is that? You mean there is another style, of even free verse, I have to learn? ;)
I only used to write free verse, my passion. What is formed free verse? Just same amount of words, same sound, same length?
Well either way, yes I really Really liked it. I'm telling you towards the end you completely switch it up. Eminem (I reference him a lot because he is a genius with words) actually does this often to show off, show his skill. I could completely hear a switch, and a start stop, and then a strong finish. Very very cool.
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Well I used to think 'free verse' was exactly that - but I'm reading now that 'free verse' supposedly has a 'regular' 'set form' and what I've been writing all this time is really 'free styling'. Personally, I think it's splitting hairs and personally I prefer 'free-stylin'" - but I notice Billy Collins writes in 'forms' of 3 or 4 line stanzas, so I've been playing around with it a bit. Purely a matter of personal taste I think, Greg. Glad you liked the stop/start thing - I didn't really think about it (I rarely do, in poetry - short stories are MUCH harder work!)
:)s
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So weird, I was just asking the difference between free style and free verse to someone the other day. They said they didn't really know, sort of the same. Its even a challenge to find the answer online. "Splitting hairs" is right. Well, I like "my style" when I do free verse (if that's even what its called). Well let me know when you master it, seems like you have to me already. Whatever style that was, do it again, it was great!
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Actually there's a competition at the moment - you might want to check it out - it's called "Defining Free Verse" - I read one of the entries and it was very enlightening! Just open up "Full Listing" and you'll see it, deadline June 21. Not that I'm suggesting you enter it (yawn) - but to read some of the entries - gives one a broader vision ... :)
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I will have to check it out!
No idea why I'm still awake. I actually wrote a senryu just for tonight...
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I like this one. She explains each definition word for word. Breaks down both types exactly. Makes it so rigid and noting. But then at the end she says
"...does that make sense...everyone happy? Of course not!...
...When all we really have to do is accept that everyone's understanding of "free," and "set rhymes and rhythm," are different!
That's pretty cool. Pretty weird that there is a whole contest just to explain this ironically enough!
free able to act at will; not under compulsion or restraint...
verse a poem... a division of a poem or song...
free verse a form of poetry where the poet is free to determine their own rhythm, rhyme scheme, verse structure and line structure.
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I'm with on this one, for SURE! Personally I'd never even HEARD of a 'form' within free verse (and most of the time I think I'll continue to write in happy bliss)! :):) Interesting write though, hmm? good conclusion, too.
:)
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is yet another glimpse into a soul, whether yours or protagonist's matters not, for it is poetry, and the language speaks directly to emotion and the senses. Beautifully done, but I would expect nothing less from you. :)
I loved it all, but if I had to pick one stanza, it would be the last...
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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This is yet another glimpse into a soul, whether yours or protagonist's matters not, for it is poetry, and the language speaks directly to emotion and the senses. Beautifully done, but I would expect nothing less from you. :)
I loved it all, but if I had to pick one stanza, it would be the last...
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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hey Dawn - yes, that last stanza has the 'surprise' element in it, hmm? :))S
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Sure does. :)
Comment from JM daSilva
I know this kind of feeling. You are anxious about whether you should feel happy or sad when you know you'll lose something or someone. Freedom in the beginning brings suffering. I guess that's it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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I know this kind of feeling. You are anxious about whether you should feel happy or sad when you know you'll lose something or someone. Freedom in the beginning brings suffering. I guess that's it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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Yes it does Joe - one we like to avoid for as long as possible I think, hmm? :)S
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Yes, it does, Joe, unfortunately. Thx! :)Sharyn
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No doubt.
Comment from fairy77
wow!That was lovely. I was on the deck all day with mom. It has been nothing but rain and we were relieved to see the sun. Great piece!beth fairy77.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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wow!That was lovely. I was on the deck all day with mom. It has been nothing but rain and we were relieved to see the sun. Great piece!beth fairy77.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2013
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thx so much Beth! here, it was GORGEOUS today (finally! it's been raining for a month now!)
big hugs,
:)Sharyn