Nostalgia (haibun style)
Reserved for the aging, it summons all other emotions.45 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
Oh my goodeness My grandmopther told me this story when I was a child. when an old woman had no more use in the trbe due to her old ansd sickness.
they would take her to the highest mountain and she would wait to die.
I just told my children thats how I felt lasty week because no one called or came to see me or take me out.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Oh my goodeness My grandmopther told me this story when I was a child. when an old woman had no more use in the trbe due to her old ansd sickness.
they would take her to the highest mountain and she would wait to die.
I just told my children thats how I felt lasty week because no one called or came to see me or take me out.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Your are welcome. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is a lovely habun, and I enjoyed it very much. There are, however, a few things that are frowned upon in haibun - the first being the use of words ending in "ing". Next, the haibun is supposed to be like an event is unfolding before your very eyes - that is why it calls for present tense - yours is full of past tense references. Additionally, your haiku is lacking the kigo. It does not have to mention a season directly, but there should be something in it that refers to a season, that leads your reader to realize the time of year it is taking place.
I sincerely hope this has been of help, because you have written a beautifully sentimental and emotional piece.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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This is a lovely habun, and I enjoyed it very much. There are, however, a few things that are frowned upon in haibun - the first being the use of words ending in "ing". Next, the haibun is supposed to be like an event is unfolding before your very eyes - that is why it calls for present tense - yours is full of past tense references. Additionally, your haiku is lacking the kigo. It does not have to mention a season directly, but there should be something in it that refers to a season, that leads your reader to realize the time of year it is taking place.
I sincerely hope this has been of help, because you have written a beautifully sentimental and emotional piece.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the info. That is why I titled it haibun style wasn't sure it met all of the criteria.
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You are very welcome. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
Is it memories that age us or age that gives us memories? This is a great think about it poetic work. I love the artwork. Almost like following the yellow brick road of life. Excellent read!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Is it memories that age us or age that gives us memories? This is a great think about it poetic work. I love the artwork. Almost like following the yellow brick road of life. Excellent read!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Just2Write
This is a lovely submission to the contest, mystery poet.
You do create a vivid scene, and make the read less static by giving the reader insight into the personal exchanges of thought. Especially on the insight into nostalgia - which you correctly identify as something not important to youth. I liked your Haiku ending too - It takes the reader right along with you on your journey. Rose.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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This is a lovely submission to the contest, mystery poet.
You do create a vivid scene, and make the read less static by giving the reader insight into the personal exchanges of thought. Especially on the insight into nostalgia - which you correctly identify as something not important to youth. I liked your Haiku ending too - It takes the reader right along with you on your journey. Rose.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to review.
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Lovely writing about the many emotions we each go through as we experience this thing called 'life'. So many sights, sounds and aromas can refresh these memories for us and bring on emotional tears or laughter. This is very well written and presented beautifully. Thanks so much for sharing this- Wishing you the best of luck in the contest. Betty
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Lovely writing about the many emotions we each go through as we experience this thing called 'life'. So many sights, sounds and aromas can refresh these memories for us and bring on emotional tears or laughter. This is very well written and presented beautifully. Thanks so much for sharing this- Wishing you the best of luck in the contest. Betty
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thank your for taking time to review.
Comment from MelissaBickel
I haven't thought of aging in such a way, but now, now I'll think about my own journey. The thought of it being a virgin path was new too.. How could it not be as we each travel our own paths eh.
I enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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I haven't thought of aging in such a way, but now, now I'll think about my own journey. The thought of it being a virgin path was new too.. How could it not be as we each travel our own paths eh.
I enjoyed this.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from ravenblack
like the contrast between nostalgia and the virgin path. and so many great passages in the first part -" emotion wearing a time stamp"; soothing lap vs. tidal wave of loss followed by the taste of salt or tears - excellent!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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like the contrast between nostalgia and the virgin path. and so many great passages in the first part -" emotion wearing a time stamp"; soothing lap vs. tidal wave of loss followed by the taste of salt or tears - excellent!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thanks for taking time to review.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
You have carefully done a deep work on emotion with this. Good word choices and well run of your ideas. I specially like your coinage of this line ...'You have the power to persuade me to tears and launch me to laughter.'
ola thomas
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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You have carefully done a deep work on emotion with this. Good word choices and well run of your ideas. I specially like your coinage of this line ...'You have the power to persuade me to tears and launch me to laughter.'
ola thomas
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thanks for taking time to review.
Comment from cvcopac
The prose section is written with imagination and has good imagery. Very descriptive and I enjoyed the read. The journey of the imagination is always iffy but always thrilling. It could have ended with the prose, my satisfaction complete, but the small verse is good too and a good accompaniment. Best of luck in the contest. Kenny
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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The prose section is written with imagination and has good imagery. Very descriptive and I enjoyed the read. The journey of the imagination is always iffy but always thrilling. It could have ended with the prose, my satisfaction complete, but the small verse is good too and a good accompaniment. Best of luck in the contest. Kenny
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. The form requires a haiku at the end or in the middle of the poem.
Comment from vkmack
This is exceptionally beautiful. I wish I had another star. I do love your use of the haibun style, and I don't know how you could have done a better job. Your imagery is just magical. Thanks so much for sharing this. Good luck in the contest. Amazing work.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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This is exceptionally beautiful. I wish I had another star. I do love your use of the haibun style, and I don't know how you could have done a better job. Your imagery is just magical. Thanks so much for sharing this. Good luck in the contest. Amazing work.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much for the kind review.