Poems from a Pensive Poet
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Last Train Out"Verses from my heart
27 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
This is a piece that has a powerful but true message. This piece is packed with a ton of rhyming. This piece flows well and the harmony is where it needs to be. The words bring the photo to life. Good job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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This is a piece that has a powerful but true message. This piece is packed with a ton of rhyming. This piece flows well and the harmony is where it needs to be. The words bring the photo to life. Good job.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow! Thank you so much for the six star review and for the lovely comments. I'm so glad you liked this.
Beth
Comment from hifein
this is very good and kept my attention throughout. liked the graphic which added to the theme. poor lucretia and all the lucretias who have come before and after her. the rhyme scheme worked well.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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this is very good and kept my attention throughout. liked the graphic which added to the theme. poor lucretia and all the lucretias who have come before and after her. the rhyme scheme worked well.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the comments and the great review.
Beth
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Its a shame that many teenagers fall into this trap. I have often wondered why home is so horrible they feel the need to leave. Your poem tells the story very well.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Its a shame that many teenagers fall into this trap. I have often wondered why home is so horrible they feel the need to leave. Your poem tells the story very well.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review Barbara. I think some of them probably have good reason for leaving home. So many young people are abused at home, but others just think leaving home means there are no rules and they can do their own thing.
Comment from Jacq77
Wow...what a moving poem this is. Sadly, it is enacted every day in many young girls' lives. It left me feeling sad for a beautiful young life wasted, and about to end much too soon. I wanted to pick her up and bring her home. Well done for bringing out such emotions in your writing.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow...what a moving poem this is. Sadly, it is enacted every day in many young girls' lives. It left me feeling sad for a beautiful young life wasted, and about to end much too soon. I wanted to pick her up and bring her home. Well done for bringing out such emotions in your writing.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and the thoughtful comments. It is sad picture and it worse to realize how many young lives are wasted.
Beth
Comment from terry drake
What a terrific story poem, although it is sad it was really well written. I enjoyed the rhythm of your verse and thought of the train chugging along all the time. What a final goodbye and what a terrific example of well placed rhymes to enhance your message about the runaway.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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What a terrific story poem, although it is sad it was really well written. I enjoyed the rhythm of your verse and thought of the train chugging along all the time. What a final goodbye and what a terrific example of well placed rhymes to enhance your message about the runaway.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow! Thank you, Terry. I love those six star review. I really appreciate the review and excellent comments.
Beth
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
A flowing rhyme scheme that catches attention for a tragic waste, a sad story enacted too often.
Your theme in this poem enlightens about addiction to narcotics and desperation to end such a life.
It's doubly sad that a beautiful face and body is cast on the marketplace of pimps in the sex trade exploiting the helpless.
I take it, Beth, that the railroad track symbolizes a suicide in violence that ends a violent life.
Don
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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A flowing rhyme scheme that catches attention for a tragic waste, a sad story enacted too often.
Your theme in this poem enlightens about addiction to narcotics and desperation to end such a life.
It's doubly sad that a beautiful face and body is cast on the marketplace of pimps in the sex trade exploiting the helpless.
I take it, Beth, that the railroad track symbolizes a suicide in violence that ends a violent life.
Don
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you Don, You've have understood it, just as I meant it. Thanks for the reveiw and the great comments.
Beth
Comment from humpwhistle
Hey, Beth, steppin' out a little aren't you? I like it.
Rap a story. Elongate that envelope!
Really, Beth, I like this a lot. I know you've seen this kind of stuff first hand.
I feel the rhthym, except for the fifth verse. It feels like something is off with the accented syllables.
Maybe it's just my inflection.
maybe something like:
Offered by a pimp a place to stay
at a pretty penny price to pay...
Just a suggestion.
You go, girl!
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Hey, Beth, steppin' out a little aren't you? I like it.
Rap a story. Elongate that envelope!
Really, Beth, I like this a lot. I know you've seen this kind of stuff first hand.
I feel the rhthym, except for the fifth verse. It feels like something is off with the accented syllables.
Maybe it's just my inflection.
maybe something like:
Offered by a pimp a place to stay
at a pretty penny price to pay...
Just a suggestion.
You go, girl!
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you Lee. I'm so glad you liked this. I knew you'd be the one to know if my rhythm pattern sounded off. I really like your suggestion and I'm going to use it.
Beth
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I'm pleased to be of assistance, girl
My work is done, uh-huh, un-huh!
See what you gone got me into?
L