The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A virgin no more..."The story of a teenage girl
36 total reviews
Comment from The Stranger
quite a nice story with equally enjoyable references to Scotland, as a couple begin their journey together as a couple in life, most exquisite
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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quite a nice story with equally enjoyable references to Scotland, as a couple begin their journey together as a couple in life, most exquisite
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind review. Alexis x
Comment from The Stranger
quite a nice story with equally enjoyable references to Scotland, as a couple begin their journey together as a couple in life, most exquisite
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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quite a nice story with equally enjoyable references to Scotland, as a couple begin their journey together as a couple in life, most exquisite
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind review. Alexis x
Comment from James McCorkle
Ten stars Alexis. The story is rolling extremely well, and the two lovers are happy. So are your readers. It is good that sex is no longer a forbidden topic. Your story makes it sound perfect too. James
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Ten stars Alexis. The story is rolling extremely well, and the two lovers are happy. So are your readers. It is good that sex is no longer a forbidden topic. Your story makes it sound perfect too. James
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter James. To be honest, it was a hard one to write because I didn't want it to be smutty, just an honest account about what honest sex can be about. It should never be a forbidden topic, especially to those who understand the meaning of true loving! Take care, Alexis x
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Nothing smutty about this story. Our Mothers and Grand-mothers might be shocked, but the world has changed a lot. I guess it was time to admit that sex is a normal feeling to enjoy, but not loosely or in excess with any old passer by. It is still a special and wonderful sense. James
Comment from rwilliam
and even guiltier for switching his off his mobile phone after the conversation...OOPS one too many 'his'. switching off his mobile phone...
My goodness, you know how to end a chapter!! Wonderful writing. My mind is going in a million different directions trying to figure out what could happen that evening.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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and even guiltier for switching his off his mobile phone after the conversation...OOPS one too many 'his'. switching off his mobile phone...
My goodness, you know how to end a chapter!! Wonderful writing. My mind is going in a million different directions trying to figure out what could happen that evening.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Well spotted! You are the only one who did, well done! Only about thirty chapters to go! Phew. Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, now she's had the taste
of loving. Now you have me
wondering what you have in
store for these lovers.
anxious voice."Do you?" - space after period
he replied ernestly - earnestly
for loving[,](;) she just hadn't known it until now.
Most enjoyable, Alexis.
Margaret
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Oh, now she's had the taste
of loving. Now you have me
wondering what you have in
store for these lovers.
anxious voice."Do you?" - space after period
he replied ernestly - earnestly
for loving[,](;) she just hadn't known it until now.
Most enjoyable, Alexis.
Margaret
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Not yet even half way through, quite a lot, I'm afraid, Margaret. Although I wrote the book before I joined Fan Story, it is so much fun editing it with a bit more experience under my belt. My thanks again for one of your really helpful and appreciated reviews. All corrections made. Alexis x
Comment from Gooloom
Such a beautiful love scene-sexually graphic, so much of intense passion--love--playflness, rapture or Rupture--insatiable bliss. Rarely have I read such an erotic, yet tender, naughty love scene. You have a rare talent for writing aesthetically about some thing that could become vulgar. I have much to learn from you. You have a talent which very few writers possess. There is life in your words, as your characters come alive under the influence of your pen. Whew I am still recovering! What happens next? Tell me quick. Keep writing. Gooloom
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Such a beautiful love scene-sexually graphic, so much of intense passion--love--playflness, rapture or Rupture--insatiable bliss. Rarely have I read such an erotic, yet tender, naughty love scene. You have a rare talent for writing aesthetically about some thing that could become vulgar. I have much to learn from you. You have a talent which very few writers possess. There is life in your words, as your characters come alive under the influence of your pen. Whew I am still recovering! What happens next? Tell me quick. Keep writing. Gooloom
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much. You have interpreted this scene exactly as I wanted it to be interpreted, which I really appreciate. Only a third of the way through the completed book I'm afraid (only able to load up two chapters a day here)so loads of twists and turns to come! too many to even hint at! Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
The soft light of dawn was filtering through the open blinds as Lisa opened her eyes./Use an active voice here. Instead of dawn was filtering, use dawn filtered.----His fingers teased her right nipple until it stood erect and proud, and as his mouth left hers to engulf it, his fingers slid down to the place no man had touched before./Great original word picture----She had made a lot of new friends out there, and they all seemed to be nice people, but I just didn't have anything in common with any of them. We were hardly ever alone together, because she shares a flat with three other girls - and Carla seemed to want to spend more time with them, than she did with me."/A wonderful passage of explanation----Lisa was made for loving, she just hadn't known it until now./Put a semicolon after loving or make that into two sentences.----'You are absolutely insatiable! You're going to wear me out - and then where will you be?'/Use double quotation marks instead of single ones---- "No, seriously though..."
Lisa imitated his 'serious' voice
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"No, seriously though..."/Nice foil----'On one condition...' she added. &
'And could it have anything to do with my body?" & 'And could it have anything to do with my body?"
/Fix the quotation marks on all of these----Little did they know what the evening held in store.../Nice hook
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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The soft light of dawn was filtering through the open blinds as Lisa opened her eyes./Use an active voice here. Instead of dawn was filtering, use dawn filtered.----His fingers teased her right nipple until it stood erect and proud, and as his mouth left hers to engulf it, his fingers slid down to the place no man had touched before./Great original word picture----She had made a lot of new friends out there, and they all seemed to be nice people, but I just didn't have anything in common with any of them. We were hardly ever alone together, because she shares a flat with three other girls - and Carla seemed to want to spend more time with them, than she did with me."/A wonderful passage of explanation----Lisa was made for loving, she just hadn't known it until now./Put a semicolon after loving or make that into two sentences.----'You are absolutely insatiable! You're going to wear me out - and then where will you be?'/Use double quotation marks instead of single ones---- "No, seriously though..."
Lisa imitated his 'serious' voice
.
"No, seriously though..."/Nice foil----'On one condition...' she added. &
'And could it have anything to do with my body?" & 'And could it have anything to do with my body?"
/Fix the quotation marks on all of these----Little did they know what the evening held in store.../Nice hook
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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At last I've caught up with my reviews. Apologies again for the lateness in replying. I wanted to make sure I could concentrate and get it all corrected properly. Many thanks for all your help. Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
" It was as though she had been released from a deep sleep by his touch" I've felt like Sleeping Beauty before. The touch of deep love mixed with passion is so powerful!
"She could see more now, and the shafts of light, sliced into slivers by the blinds, landed on Alan's shoulders in bands of light and shade."
Very descriptive and shows your talent as a writer.
"They lay afterwards talking, touching, both feeling blessed at the pleasure they found in each other. Alan wished he could keep Lisa this close to him forever, but reality was beginning to filter through."
Too bad for reality... who does it think it is anyway;)
Very romantic and well written. You are definitely going to be a professional writer.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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" It was as though she had been released from a deep sleep by his touch" I've felt like Sleeping Beauty before. The touch of deep love mixed with passion is so powerful!
"She could see more now, and the shafts of light, sliced into slivers by the blinds, landed on Alan's shoulders in bands of light and shade."
Very descriptive and shows your talent as a writer.
"They lay afterwards talking, touching, both feeling blessed at the pleasure they found in each other. Alan wished he could keep Lisa this close to him forever, but reality was beginning to filter through."
Too bad for reality... who does it think it is anyway;)
Very romantic and well written. You are definitely going to be a professional writer.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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You have made my day, yet again! It is such a lovely feeling knowing someone is following the story with such enthusiasm. Thank you for your review and wonderful six. Here's hoping! Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Thanks, you left me hanging on the ending again. I am a little disappointed in the way Lisa and Alan have been carrying on; I thought they might wait and allow the romance to blossom (I'm a bit old fashioned about sex). Still, this was somewhat predictable but I am waiting to see what happened next. I am looking for Carla and/or Nick to show up. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thanks, you left me hanging on the ending again. I am a little disappointed in the way Lisa and Alan have been carrying on; I thought they might wait and allow the romance to blossom (I'm a bit old fashioned about sex). Still, this was somewhat predictable but I am waiting to see what happened next. I am looking for Carla and/or Nick to show up. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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I don't think you have too long to wait! lots of twists and turns yet...Thank you so much for reviewing with such enthusiasm. It is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh the juicy parts....just like juicy fruit gum...chomp chomp....
This was a long chapter and I was impressed that you still kept up the pace(no pun intended) and it still delivered to the readers, excited overflowing (pun intended!)
Your characters are still real and your humour injections were spot on. I think they helped immensely with the flow of this chapter.
I'm sure the big bad ugly world is going to come back in the next chapter. But this chapter was filled with all the mysterious first love actions.....one would expect....
Great writing and great action as your plot seems to be heating up all over the place....
Loved it........Alan seems to have lots of energy....:)
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Oh the juicy parts....just like juicy fruit gum...chomp chomp....
This was a long chapter and I was impressed that you still kept up the pace(no pun intended) and it still delivered to the readers, excited overflowing (pun intended!)
Your characters are still real and your humour injections were spot on. I think they helped immensely with the flow of this chapter.
I'm sure the big bad ugly world is going to come back in the next chapter. But this chapter was filled with all the mysterious first love actions.....one would expect....
Great writing and great action as your plot seems to be heating up all over the place....
Loved it........Alan seems to have lots of energy....:)
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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But it was so much fun to write, WC! I just hope that I don't have to spend as much time reviewing other chapters, as I did this one! Phew, talk about laying yourself bare! Love your reviews so much, you are so encouraging and inspirational. Love BC x
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Oh my best BC....it was so much fun to read.....:) laying oneself bare with Alan near, not a bad deal at all....
Love
WC xx