Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Country Justice"A collection of my poems
100 total reviews
Comment from rawahymis
Superbly crafted lines that tell a clear tale, the satire of poor Rob-erta!
I loved your internal rhyme and the witty language.
The fact that such tales are not so far fetched makes Roberta's plight sadder, and 'his honour' more pathetic.
The ending is hilarious and unexpected, adding a final spicy topping.
'..frontal disclosure' and 'an obvious knob' are as well clothed as a winter bride.
Good luck and best wishes.
rawahy
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Superbly crafted lines that tell a clear tale, the satire of poor Rob-erta!
I loved your internal rhyme and the witty language.
The fact that such tales are not so far fetched makes Roberta's plight sadder, and 'his honour' more pathetic.
The ending is hilarious and unexpected, adding a final spicy topping.
'..frontal disclosure' and 'an obvious knob' are as well clothed as a winter bride.
Good luck and best wishes.
rawahy
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thank you!
I borrowed the rhythmic pattern and that internal rhyme from one of Banjo Patterson'e classic comic verses 'A Bush Christening.' It was surprisingly hard to get consistent, but the final effecr was worthwhile.
Yes, I am sure there are many defendants willing to exploit their assets - real or manufactured - and no doubt many judges human enough to succumb to temptation.
Steve
Comment from carmen vargas
A touching poem in which the protagonist shows us the situation in the most approximate to reality. The fluid lines. The very successful poetic figures. Excellent text. Congratulations and good luck.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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A touching poem in which the protagonist shows us the situation in the most approximate to reality. The fluid lines. The very successful poetic figures. Excellent text. Congratulations and good luck.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thanks for the review.
Steve
Comment from Mike K2
This one kept me guessing and chuckling, it is well written and holds an interesting story line. You also stopped it at a good point as we wouldn't want to see justice corrupted.
"It's my job to make criminals pay." Come to Baltimore to see the opposite going on, in fact I wonder if the criminals aren't the judges themselves. I got held up and stabbed and the police were more interested in having me write a report, then finding them and locking them up.
You poem though, "Made my day!" Definitely entertaining for sure.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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This one kept me guessing and chuckling, it is well written and holds an interesting story line. You also stopped it at a good point as we wouldn't want to see justice corrupted.
"It's my job to make criminals pay." Come to Baltimore to see the opposite going on, in fact I wonder if the criminals aren't the judges themselves. I got held up and stabbed and the police were more interested in having me write a report, then finding them and locking them up.
You poem though, "Made my day!" Definitely entertaining for sure.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thank you. Glad this raised a smile.
Sorry to hear about your 'miadventure' - the justice system often seems perverse - sometimes it is the fault of the laws themselves, sometimes the system and sometimes the people...
Thanks again.
Steve
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
This certainly has to be a worthy winner of the funny quatrain peotry.
Seems the judge was swayed on occasions by something less than the carriage of justice.
Seems to me, he got his just desserts - dirty old devil.
Juliette
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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This certainly has to be a worthy winner of the funny quatrain peotry.
Seems the judge was swayed on occasions by something less than the carriage of justice.
Seems to me, he got his just desserts - dirty old devil.
Juliette
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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That's right, blame the poor man! What about the wicked seductress selling her charms..... Oops! She was a man, too! ;O)
Thank you.
Steve
Comment from angelicorange
I loved reading this!!! Although you can see what's coming from the end of the third last verse, it doesn't make it any less funny; it just increases the anticipation. This is a fantastic poem.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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I loved reading this!!! Although you can see what's coming from the end of the third last verse, it doesn't make it any less funny; it just increases the anticipation. This is a fantastic poem.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Mariea
Another great one Kiwi, I'm still laughing.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - consistent throughout
Rhythm - good easy flow
Have a great day, hugs Mia
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Another great one Kiwi, I'm still laughing.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - consistent throughout
Rhythm - good easy flow
Have a great day, hugs Mia
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thanks, Mia.
Keep laughing and I'll keep writing.
Steve
Comment from Rose Hearth
Your poems absolutely slay me! Such clever flowing rhymes told with a down-home flow, make this one exceptional! It's no wonder this won the contest!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Your poems absolutely slay me! Such clever flowing rhymes told with a down-home flow, make this one exceptional! It's no wonder this won the contest!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thank you.
Winning here was no home run - I knew the competition was tough and that I'd have to pull out a special...
Steve
Comment from oNray
don't give out those "6s" often, but this poem sure had a six due it .It was fun, it was fresh,it had great flow and rhyme. (who could ask for anything more?)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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don't give out those "6s" often, but this poem sure had a six due it .It was fun, it was fresh,it had great flow and rhyme. (who could ask for anything more?)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thanks for sparing one of thos precious sixes. Like you, I save them for something special - happy that you thought this deserved one!
Steve
Comment from easyeverett
This is priceless kiwisteveh. You have chanelled
Robert Service the great Alaskan bard and writer of
'The Shooting of Dan McGrew." Your pace and rhythm
were next to impeccable and you slid smoothly from
line to line like maple slides slowly over cakes.
Just brilliant my good poet. easy
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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This is priceless kiwisteveh. You have chanelled
Robert Service the great Alaskan bard and writer of
'The Shooting of Dan McGrew." Your pace and rhythm
were next to impeccable and you slid smoothly from
line to line like maple slides slowly over cakes.
Just brilliant my good poet. easy
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thanks, easy.
The Robert Service comment is interesting - I know his work quite well - my Dad was a fan - and I sometimes use 'My Husky Team' and 'The Cremation of Sam McGee' in class.
Actually, this time I was channelling his Aussie counterpart. I borrowed the rhythmic pattern and that internal rhyme from one of Banjo Patterson'e classic comic verses 'A Bush Christening.' It was surprisingly hard to get consistent, but the final effecr was worthwhile.
Steve
PS maple over pancakes?!
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Sorry Steve. I meant maple syrrup over pancakes. Great write my friend.
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You did a great job Steve. I love to read Service out loud. You can identify with the infused theatrics of his poetics and this write by you had many of those qualities. Take care Steve. easy
Comment from honeytree
I love the art work so much here
The words have been written very well.
The words flowed and the tale
Was a classic example how a judge can behave
Maybe?
Honey tree
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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I love the art work so much here
The words have been written very well.
The words flowed and the tale
Was a classic example how a judge can behave
Maybe?
Honey tree
Comment Written 24-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind words!
Steve
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I enjoyed reading very much
Annie