The Culling of the Meek
A mirrored pair of sonnets64 total reviews
Comment from moyramouse
Fully worthy of a six star rating, but alas I have none left.
A formidable piece of writing.
Beautiful alliteration, some of my favourites were: seeds would spawn the grass/lawn the lands/ legacy's lament of life/emancipating empathy/irrelevant intentions:
Good touch of Internal rhyme with spawn/lawn. However I found that 'spawned in ' followed rather too closely - perhaps alter to 'learned from' which would continue the alliteration.
You had some memorable lines:
'we shepherds of defilement thrive on tears'
'And so it came to pass - that fateful dawn
when up was down and flames turned into ice.'
'Irrelevant intentions learned to mourn
the culling of the meek's eternal price.'
I understand that power corrupts and that it is a play on 'the meek shall inherit the earth', but then will the meek become corrupted by the power?
And if the meek rise up, who will then take their place?
Loved the paradox of 'when up was down and flames turned into ice'
Masterful story telling, beautiful use of language and very enjoyable.
Just one query, why if it is a mirror sonnet did you split the last stanza into 2 or was it a formatting error?
xxxmouse
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Fully worthy of a six star rating, but alas I have none left.
A formidable piece of writing.
Beautiful alliteration, some of my favourites were: seeds would spawn the grass/lawn the lands/ legacy's lament of life/emancipating empathy/irrelevant intentions:
Good touch of Internal rhyme with spawn/lawn. However I found that 'spawned in ' followed rather too closely - perhaps alter to 'learned from' which would continue the alliteration.
You had some memorable lines:
'we shepherds of defilement thrive on tears'
'And so it came to pass - that fateful dawn
when up was down and flames turned into ice.'
'Irrelevant intentions learned to mourn
the culling of the meek's eternal price.'
I understand that power corrupts and that it is a play on 'the meek shall inherit the earth', but then will the meek become corrupted by the power?
And if the meek rise up, who will then take their place?
Loved the paradox of 'when up was down and flames turned into ice'
Masterful story telling, beautiful use of language and very enjoyable.
Just one query, why if it is a mirror sonnet did you split the last stanza into 2 or was it a formatting error?
xxxmouse
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, moyra :-). You've seen right to the heart of things - exactly the thoughts that were going through my head when I was writing it. The structure was indeed meant to be a proper mirror!
Mike
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Mike,
This one is remarkable. I mean I love the stanza that goes like this. I think it is essentially what this one is about...
"You see, in times adverse and crushed by hate
the door stands open, beckoning with light
to sons and daughters, fathers here and late,
and revolution's mothers of insight"
"Irrelevant intentions" man I love that phrase and so can understand it. A terrific write Mike. I enjoyed it to the zenith power.
xoxo deb
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Hi Mike,
This one is remarkable. I mean I love the stanza that goes like this. I think it is essentially what this one is about...
"You see, in times adverse and crushed by hate
the door stands open, beckoning with light
to sons and daughters, fathers here and late,
and revolution's mothers of insight"
"Irrelevant intentions" man I love that phrase and so can understand it. A terrific write Mike. I enjoyed it to the zenith power.
xoxo deb
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, deb :-). This one's built on the thought 'if the meek inherited the earth, would they still be the meek?'. I love to play with perceptions!
Mike
Comment from penelope
Wow, what a deep poem! It's quite philosophical and needs a couple of reads to understand it all. Mankind has done untold damage to our beautiful earth and yet, so many individuals have pure intentions. The individual cells of the mass are beginning to rebel against power and corruption.
Very accomplished mirror sonnets you've penned here, Mike. It must have taken you ages to get it all right. I'm surprised you haven't had any sixes yet, and happy I have one left for you. Penelope
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Wow, what a deep poem! It's quite philosophical and needs a couple of reads to understand it all. Mankind has done untold damage to our beautiful earth and yet, so many individuals have pure intentions. The individual cells of the mass are beginning to rebel against power and corruption.
Very accomplished mirror sonnets you've penned here, Mike. It must have taken you ages to get it all right. I'm surprised you haven't had any sixes yet, and happy I have one left for you. Penelope
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Penelope :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it and took the time to read into it. I've had quite a few complaints (and one 4-star review) complaining that it's too obscure, but it's exactly how I wanted it to be.
Thanks again :-)
Mike
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'The Culling of the Meek' is an exceptionally well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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'The Culling of the Meek' is an exceptionally well-written and thought-provoking piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you so much :-)
Mike
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Mike, you're more than welcome.
Kindest wishes, the Duchess
Comment from prophetess
Wonderful, kinda creepy and a bit scary, but very descriptive and a great presentation. I love the image you chose and the colors compliment the piece nicely. Great form and format also FF. All around a dark creepy wonderful write, oh wait, did I alrady say all that? Lol.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Wonderful, kinda creepy and a bit scary, but very descriptive and a great presentation. I love the image you chose and the colors compliment the piece nicely. Great form and format also FF. All around a dark creepy wonderful write, oh wait, did I alrady say all that? Lol.
Prophetess
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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lol, thank you, Prophetess! That's exactly what I was going for, so I don't mind if you say it twice :-). Mostly I'm just glad you enjoyed my piece.
Mike
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You're welcome Fleedleflump
Comment from RebelRose
This is quite a poetic, prophetic, poignant,and profound write and an excellent entry for this story-in-a-poem contest. Good luck to you.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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This is quite a poetic, prophetic, poignant,and profound write and an excellent entry for this story-in-a-poem contest. Good luck to you.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Rose - I'm so glad you liked it :-).
Mike
Comment from Matoshka
To me this speaks of the culling of the meek at Armagedden, am I right? It sounded dark and with hope. I read it three times. Loved your picture. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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To me this speaks of the culling of the meek at Armagedden, am I right? It sounded dark and with hope. I read it three times. Loved your picture. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Matoshka. I was hoping this could be read several ways. I like to call tropes into question, and ask; who are the meek. If they inherited the earth, would they still be the meek?
Mike
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You are so welcome Mike. If they inherited the earth, they would still be meek to me, they have already watched the others mess it and what to keep it pristine and do some fishing. LOL blessings
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lol, I like your outlook :-). I haven't decided what I actually think, but it was fun to pose the question.
Mike
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Thank you Mike. My mind works so strangely sometimes. LOL I loved the different answers that could be. Blessings.
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Thank you Mike. My mind works so strangely sometimes. LOL I loved the different answers that could be. Blessings.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Fleedleflump
First time I have ever read (mirrored sonents) Yes I'm impressed by you poetic voice written in sonnet format. especially when you said--
We bred to dominate the flock He sent;
we shepherds of defilement thrive on fears.
It came to pass with smiles, familial hold
would fill the meek and choke life from the bold.
Gert
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Hello Fleedleflump
First time I have ever read (mirrored sonents) Yes I'm impressed by you poetic voice written in sonnet format. especially when you said--
We bred to dominate the flock He sent;
we shepherds of defilement thrive on fears.
It came to pass with smiles, familial hold
would fill the meek and choke life from the bold.
Gert
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Gert :-). It felt like an interesting idea, structure-wise. I think this was a little obscure for some, but I enjoyed writing it.
Mike
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You are so welcome
Gert
Comment from sunnilicious
The first verse is so strong and vibrant. The second verse makes me believe there is a coven of witches. Family, of course. You lost me on the third verse, because viewpoints are just that and it doesn't necessarily run in the family. Ohhhh it's dark poetry. Warped but by all means well written. Good work. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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The first verse is so strong and vibrant. The second verse makes me believe there is a coven of witches. Family, of course. You lost me on the third verse, because viewpoints are just that and it doesn't necessarily run in the family. Ohhhh it's dark poetry. Warped but by all means well written. Good work. Keep it up.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Sun :-). This one's all about switching situations round and seeing where the resulting thoughts took me. So glad you liked it.
Mike
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Wonderfully written story in a poem. Enjoyable and inspirational. Beautiful artwork and presentation. Good luck in the contest!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Wonderfully written story in a poem. Enjoyable and inspirational. Beautiful artwork and presentation. Good luck in the contest!!! Debbie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2011
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Thank you, Debbie - I'm so glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike