shelley's contest collage
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "haiku (autumn tapestry)"keeping hope alive....
22 total reviews
Comment from angelwings2011
Indeed, we leave our footprint
upon the world. This is a
lovely offering. ..great imagery..
Rainbows touch the sky, then it
touches us.
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reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Indeed, we leave our footprint
upon the world. This is a
lovely offering. ..great imagery..
Rainbows touch the sky, then it
touches us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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thank you angel :)
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You're welcome. Blessings
Comment from JeJo
hello shelley,
this is in perfect 5/7/5 form, and with two grammatically connected lines, in present tense, and with a wonderful satori. What is most interesting to me is the combination of what I think are seasonal words, including rainbow, autumn's, and fallen.
I like the 'f' alliteration with faint/fallen, the 'a' assonance, and the 's' and 't' consonance.
What beautiful imagery in the first line!
"rainbow tapestry" - oh, lovely, especially when thinking of this as the various colorful leaves, woven together on the ground..
"bears the faint prints of our soles" - obviously, people have walked on the leaves, leaving their sole mark there.. 'faint' makes me think they either stepped lightly, or it was a long time ago.
Interesting slight contradiction between the first and second lines.. the first bears the beauty and pristine/idealistic idea of loveliness.. but the second line introduces a harsher element, possibly pain or hurt..
To me, the first two lines could indicate our lives.. even in the good, nothing is ever 'right', and from the satori, I gather, everything still has a purpose.
The 'rainbow tapestry' wouldn't have been made unless the leaves fell.
The last line also makes me think of that the last of autumn has fallen, signified by the leaves.
This was really pretty and thoughtful :)
Good luck in this contest! All the best, Jen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
|
hello shelley,
this is in perfect 5/7/5 form, and with two grammatically connected lines, in present tense, and with a wonderful satori. What is most interesting to me is the combination of what I think are seasonal words, including rainbow, autumn's, and fallen.
I like the 'f' alliteration with faint/fallen, the 'a' assonance, and the 's' and 't' consonance.
What beautiful imagery in the first line!
"rainbow tapestry" - oh, lovely, especially when thinking of this as the various colorful leaves, woven together on the ground..
"bears the faint prints of our soles" - obviously, people have walked on the leaves, leaving their sole mark there.. 'faint' makes me think they either stepped lightly, or it was a long time ago.
Interesting slight contradiction between the first and second lines.. the first bears the beauty and pristine/idealistic idea of loveliness.. but the second line introduces a harsher element, possibly pain or hurt..
To me, the first two lines could indicate our lives.. even in the good, nothing is ever 'right', and from the satori, I gather, everything still has a purpose.
The 'rainbow tapestry' wouldn't have been made unless the leaves fell.
The last line also makes me think of that the last of autumn has fallen, signified by the leaves.
This was really pretty and thoughtful :)
Good luck in this contest! All the best, Jen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
-
thank you jen :)
