Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Bathroom Incident"A collection of my poems
68 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Hi Steve :)
20 stanza's is good going for a first offering!
I loved this funny (sorry not so funny for you!) story, told incredibly well in rhymed verse. Great use of alliteration throughout with some laugh out loud moments. Glad you revived this one - I enjoyed it very much :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Hi Steve :)
20 stanza's is good going for a first offering!
I loved this funny (sorry not so funny for you!) story, told incredibly well in rhymed verse. Great use of alliteration throughout with some laugh out loud moments. Glad you revived this one - I enjoyed it very much :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Debra.
I enjoy the occasional browse through my own stuff - I often find pieces I have completely forgotten about or poems like this that deserve another airing.
Steve
Comment from NurseBarb
Probably the funniest poem I've read so far. The rhyming was perfect and my favorite phrase is the windows shattering and old deaf folk muttered "I'll be danged". I laughed out loud a lot through this poem and not at all surprised the wife laughed as we women ALWAYS laugh when men get hurt in that area. It's funny to us and I don't know why. Good luck in this contest. You should do VERY well.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Probably the funniest poem I've read so far. The rhyming was perfect and my favorite phrase is the windows shattering and old deaf folk muttered "I'll be danged". I laughed out loud a lot through this poem and not at all surprised the wife laughed as we women ALWAYS laugh when men get hurt in that area. It's funny to us and I don't know why. Good luck in this contest. You should do VERY well.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Barb.
This was an old post I revived so the contest is long done and dusted with no joy for me - happily I have won a few since then, although not the story in a poem one which I am keen to remedy.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
Hmmm, and this didn't win the contest, Steve? I guess the competition was 'stiffer'. Yeah, I know, apples and bananas.
Well, I'm lad to hear you've compiled a book. I always look forward to your story-poems.
I'll peruse the rest of you book.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Hmmm, and this didn't win the contest, Steve? I guess the competition was 'stiffer'. Yeah, I know, apples and bananas.
Well, I'm lad to hear you've compiled a book. I always look forward to your story-poems.
I'll peruse the rest of you book.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Lee.
Yeah, I am glad I can look at this and be reasonably impressed myself. I have no recollection who or what beat it in the contest - I just know I still haven't conquered that bloody share a story one - one day!
Steve
Comment from royowen
This was a brilliant piece of writing Steve, although I must admit I tensed my teeth and had a tear or two in my eye! This is a piece of epic poetic history! Loved it! great work! Great expression in the narrative, very good aabb rhyme scheme, even meter to give it seamless rhythm! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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This was a brilliant piece of writing Steve, although I must admit I tensed my teeth and had a tear or two in my eye! This is a piece of epic poetic history! Loved it! great work! Great expression in the narrative, very good aabb rhyme scheme, even meter to give it seamless rhythm! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Roy.
I did warn you in the opening lines to beware the painful ending!
Steve
Comment from Soledadpaz
You are right, I am laughing. Hope this was not a true story and if it was, I hope you are much recovered or she who must be obeyed must be cracking the whip. Sorry for that image. Great rhyming, great story and great poem.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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You are right, I am laughing. Hope this was not a true story and if it was, I hope you are much recovered or she who must be obeyed must be cracking the whip. Sorry for that image. Great rhyming, great story and great poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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I just saw this marvellous Calvin & Hobbes strip where he ends by saying 'I'd be cranky too if I had an extra X chromosome'.
Take that you laughing hyena of a female! :)
Thanks for the kind words
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You would be cranky if you were xyx!
We don't have an extra one, lovey, just the requisite two!
Calvin & Hobbes? I love them, and miss them.
Comment from Patrick Jordan
Hahahaha! Yes, yes, do protect those family jewels. This was an interesting and cool poem about the raw facts of life. And by the way, mine is bigger than YOURS, small boy!
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Hahahaha! Yes, yes, do protect those family jewels. This was an interesting and cool poem about the raw facts of life. And by the way, mine is bigger than YOURS, small boy!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Oh ho, ho - a little defensive aren't we.
Since writing this I've had people tell me they could write a poem about standing on theirs!
Comment from Fleedleflump
Well, you certainly elicited a wince of empathy (and several chuckles along the way) with this tale. Definitely puts me in mind of the 'zip' scene in There's Something About Mary, but in rollicking poetic form. Great fun, and good luck in the contest :-)
Mike
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Well, you certainly elicited a wince of empathy (and several chuckles along the way) with this tale. Definitely puts me in mind of the 'zip' scene in There's Something About Mary, but in rollicking poetic form. Great fun, and good luck in the contest :-)
Mike
Comment Written 01-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Thank you! Hope the judges have a sense of humour!
Comment from The Stranger
oh the sheer detail you have put into this draws an ever growing picture in my mind, I think I prefer to remain a fair distance away..lol!
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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oh the sheer detail you have put into this draws an ever growing picture in my mind, I think I prefer to remain a fair distance away..lol!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!
Comment from Paradox Tremors
This is too funny and I can understand your earlier statement of "involuntary shudder." An unusual tale that is sure to garnish many votes in the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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This is too funny and I can understand your earlier statement of "involuntary shudder." An unusual tale that is sure to garnish many votes in the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!
Comment from percival86jack
ROTFLMAO!!! This is an absolute hoot, my friend! Love this... "Neighbors to their doors did rush To spy what shattered the Sunday hush, Terrified birds flew from their nests, Mothers clutched infants to their breasts." LOL You should win... cheers, Jack
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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ROTFLMAO!!! This is an absolute hoot, my friend! Love this... "Neighbors to their doors did rush To spy what shattered the Sunday hush, Terrified birds flew from their nests, Mothers clutched infants to their breasts." LOL You should win... cheers, Jack
Comment Written 28-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2011
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Thanks for the kind words - this was a fun poem to write and has made many people laugh!