Comment from jeslaf

Excellent

That third and final stanza is my favorite by far--creepy, but poetic and with good word choices. "Wandering Man" has such a ring to it--more, please! :)

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, Jeslaf :-). I've posted chapter 2 now, and I'm beavering away on the third one. I'm so glad you enjoyed my new adventure!

Mike

Comment from vandawalker

Excellent

That is a perfect picture. What a statement this poem brings out. It's frightening but true. You always use above level vocabulary and very colorful, descriptive words, but I think you have out done yourself. This writing definitely gives pause for thought. Good writing.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, Vanda :-). Congrats on the free verse poetry win, by the way. I do love to use unusual words (sometimes too much, to my detriment), and it's always great when it's appreciated.

Mike

Comment from Lydia LaMent

Excellent

What a cool post-apocalyptic feel you've created, it's a perfect song for an interesting character. One has to wonder who and what the Wandering Man is, is he the fragment of man, all that's left over in the aftermath of greed? Is he the son of Mother Nature, the deformed monstrosity borne from nuclear devastation? Great hook, I'm looking forward to reading more.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, Lydia :-). It took me ages to save up enough member dollars to put his on page 1, but it's been worth it, and hopefully I'll attract readers for the next few chapters. I plan a slow reveal of who the Wandering Man is, where he comes from, and what hope he may have for happiness. So glad you enjoyed it! I just posted part 2, and I'm in the middle of writing Part 3.

Mike

Comment from Pili Pubul

Excellent

I love your originality, powerful images of how we are destroying ourselves, yet is humor in this truly sad realism.
Excellent style, interesting to red.

Now radiation suckles me
upon a nuclear teat,
the fallout fuels my apathy
and no day is discreet.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, PP :-). I do have a habit of lacing faint traces of humour through most of my work; it's an old habit, but lots of fun! It took a keen analytical eye (or a similarly dry sense of fun!) to see it in this one. Thank you for the great review!

Mike

Comment from Donovan

Excellent

I think this guy would make a good thread to a whole lot of stories told either in prose or poem. Certainly many good writers have used a consistent character. I like the description, it leaves wide open how he may contribute. Donovan

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thanks, Donovan. Yeah, I can see myself writing a story or three with this guy. Simon R Green has a character called The Walking Man, a religious warrior who seeks out evil, and crops up in all kinds of his stories, from contemporary to sci-fi to balls-out nutty fantasy. Not quite like my character, but I admit the name is similar :-)

Thanks for a great review.

Mike

Comment from TKField

Excellent

Xenophobia, excreta, teat, grotesque, apathy, desolation, cancer, dung, devil, zombie, war, paranoia, hate, grim, demise, fetid, strangled, horror, death. These are just a few of the many hair raising delights inside this bleak, theatrical poem.

It's not clear what this all means, but the fear and loathing come through well enough. This ain't gonna win feel-good poem of the week that's for sure. In a way this reads like the lunatic ramblings of a madman. I can't say I enjoyed it a whole lot, but I admit it had a certain pessimistic black power. Also, it's good to see that the skeleton dude from the Grateful-Dead has found a new gig.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

A review that makes me laugh is always to be treasured, and this did exactly that :-). This is certainly intended to be a somewhat abstract, utterly bleak opening to a saga which gets a little less bonkers in Chapter 2 (at least, such was my intention). Thanks for a great review.

Mike

Comment from resilke

Excellent

Thank you for sharing your poem. This is well done for the amount of thought and ideas in each stanza. Lots of creative ideas, expression. It paints a bleak image but also is quite fun to read and visualize. I get a bit lost though in all the detail wondering where I am and what is taking place, what is going on. So I thought to be honest in saying that. Like I'm not sure what exactly you are talking about, refering to in some parts like in the second part. Overall, really well thought out and interesting piece. Captivating, some interestesting word choices like "xenophobic." All best,

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you for the detailed review and for taking time to share your thoughts with me. I am sometimes guilty of lavishing too many figures of speech on a single poem, and certainly I've consciously pared it back in part two, which hopefully reads a little more easily. Thanks again!

Mike

Comment from andrewm89

Excellent

I really like the flow of the poem, and the format. It's very well rhymed too! I love the the line "hate riddled with his cancer". It's dark and intriguing :) Since this a start of a book, I'm guessing it develops more into a story. Great Work!

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thanks, Andrew. Yes, the plot gets underway in part two, which I just posted. I have many plans for the wandering man!

Mike

Comment from DecrepitOldBag

Excellent

I think the rhyme and meter is just absolutely perfect as it is. Mind you, I'm no expert! However, I do know what I like and I have so enjoyed this. I think I may well have to follow this and I shall be looking for the next chapter.

You're very talented. Your writing is vivid and reaches the reader with a powerful punch.

Warm wishes
Kat

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, Kat :-). I added the note about the meter after a couple of people told me it was slightly off in places, to which I could only say 'I know, that's why I didn't say it had a set meter!' I'm so glad you 'felt' this. My head's full of ideas for this character and his adventures. I just posted chapter 2 :-)

THanks again for the great review.

Mike

Comment from janicedincic

Excellent

I like this poem for so many reasons. The description of man's self destruction and taking of the earth with him, as well as the way the whole poem has been broken into 3 parts as though in different "scenes".

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010

Thank you, Janice. I'm glad you plugged in to all the things I was trying to impart. Thanks for taking the time to leave me your thoughts :-)

Mike