Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "It Can't Be!"A book of a mixture of stories
61 total reviews
Comment from Sharesy
This was excellent. I only have one question: How did Will know that the woman in the old house was his mother? She cold be a homeless person camping out, or an old woman from the neighbourhood.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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This was excellent. I only have one question: How did Will know that the woman in the old house was his mother? She cold be a homeless person camping out, or an old woman from the neighbourhood.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Sharesy,
Maybe from the pictures, or the situation, or merely intuition...Maybe I'll have to work a bit on that section. Thanks...Carol
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Not a problem, Carol. I read through it twice, and I couldn't see anyplace where he might have found out who this lady in the house might be.
Sharesy
Comment from MyYiaYia
A tragic story with a very sweet happy ending. You definitely followed the rules of the contest and described who lived in the house and a lot of their character and life. I give you an A+. You even described the towns people. Much information for a short story and you did it extemely well. Nicely written with warmth and with 3 dimensional characterization.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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A tragic story with a very sweet happy ending. You definitely followed the rules of the contest and described who lived in the house and a lot of their character and life. I give you an A+. You even described the towns people. Much information for a short story and you did it extemely well. Nicely written with warmth and with 3 dimensional characterization.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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MYyiaYia,
I'll take an A+ any day. Thank you for your generous comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from bkrighter
I wish I had six stars to give this story. I was rubbing away tears by the end. A wonderful story, wonderfully told. Very well done.
Steve
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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I wish I had six stars to give this story. I was rubbing away tears by the end. A wonderful story, wonderfully told. Very well done.
Steve
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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bkrighter,
Don't worry! I'll put that virtual six in the journal and collect another day. LOL Thanks for the generous and kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from bayoupoet
This is a wonderful and very brilliant story, Carol. I loved every well written line of it. I wish you lick in the contest for you deserve it. You are a Natural!
sandra
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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This is a wonderful and very brilliant story, Carol. I loved every well written line of it. I wish you lick in the contest for you deserve it. You are a Natural!
sandra
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Sandra...
Awesome@ I can't believe the responses I have been getting for this story. I am thrilled to pieces. I needed a lift and everyone especially you, my dear friend, is giving it to me...
Thank so so much for the stars and your wonderful comments. Carol
Comment from Perp Ihebom
I wish i had a six left. This beautiful story deserves an exceptional rating. It is a long post, but i could not resist reading to the very end. kudos
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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I wish i had a six left. This beautiful story deserves an exceptional rating. It is a long post, but i could not resist reading to the very end. kudos
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Perp
Thank you for enjoying the story. Your praise and enjoyment are worth more than stars. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Sally Carter
Carol, I DID feel the read was worthwhile! I absolutely loved it!
I'm sure I've said the same thing before, but I feel a cheat reviewing your work. I should be paying you the member dollars. Sometimes reviewing prose is a real chore, but invariably when I read yours, I am swept into the story and completely forget what I am here for. I have no idea if there is any spag (though I probably would have notice). I found this engrossing, moving, exciting, convincing and all the rest.
Thanks for keeping me a bit longer from boring things I "ought" to be doing. LOL.
Yours. Sally
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Carol, I DID feel the read was worthwhile! I absolutely loved it!
I'm sure I've said the same thing before, but I feel a cheat reviewing your work. I should be paying you the member dollars. Sometimes reviewing prose is a real chore, but invariably when I read yours, I am swept into the story and completely forget what I am here for. I have no idea if there is any spag (though I probably would have notice). I found this engrossing, moving, exciting, convincing and all the rest.
Thanks for keeping me a bit longer from boring things I "ought" to be doing. LOL.
Yours. Sally
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Sally,
WOW and Double Wow...You've made my morning, sweet girl. I really needed a lift and you most certainly gave it to me...I am thrilled that you enjoyed this story..It seemed to grow on it's own and I just couldn't see anyway to shorten it. So it is what it is! So far..no one has complained about the length...Thank you so so much for the wonderful wishes and knowing that you enjoyed it is more than fantastic...Thanks and have a great day! I will because of you!!!! Smiles, Carol
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You deserve it. You are a talented lady.
Comment from dragonqueen1983
i wish you all the best in the contest as you have a good entry here. its long but well worth it as its an enjoyable. keep on writing
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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i wish you all the best in the contest as you have a good entry here. its long but well worth it as its an enjoyable. keep on writing
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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dragonqueen,
Thank you so much for the kind review and comments. I am thrilled you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Alison Williams
what a wondeful story Carol. You've captured Will perfectly, as well as his misgivings, the discovery. At first I thought the woman was a ghost and that his mother had died, but the fact that she wasn't and he found her was beautiful.
Wonderful narrative, excellent dialogue, a nice representation of a small town and a wonderful use of the picture.
Good luck in the contest. :)
Alison
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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what a wondeful story Carol. You've captured Will perfectly, as well as his misgivings, the discovery. At first I thought the woman was a ghost and that his mother had died, but the fact that she wasn't and he found her was beautiful.
Wonderful narrative, excellent dialogue, a nice representation of a small town and a wonderful use of the picture.
Good luck in the contest. :)
Alison
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Alison,
So glad you enjoyed the story. I had fun writing it as well. Thank you so much for the kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from suneagle
A great story--I really enjoyed reading it through. Good luck in the contest. Unfortunately, you a problem with dialogue tags and related punctuation. In fact, you have many "action tags" that aren't dialogue tags. You'll note I've corrected several below:
If you don't want it after that, sell it or give it away, but you'll have closed the door on the past.["]
Deciding he needed a [Coke] to quench his thirst, he headed toward Tanner's Country Store.
Will extended his hand to Pappy[.] "William Tremont, sir."
(A body movement is not an attribution of speech.)
A few of us would get our fiddles going and we'd have a good ole [hoedown] going in no time.
He moved his checker, jumping two of Sam's checkers[.] "King me."
Her [blond] ponytail swayed back and forth, as she approached.
(blond = colour, blonde = blond woman.)
He left this property to me when he died, but I wasn't supposed to receive it until I was [twenty-one]."
After what seemed like hours, Kate finally touched his arm[.] "Will, it's starting to get dark.
She grabbed his arm[.] "Told you the place was haunted.
"Will took her hand in his and pressed his lips against it. (Redundant quote marks at beginning of sentence need to be deleted.)
Her eyes searched his[.] "Am I dreaming now?"
A tiny smile touched Mary's lips[.] "You're a pretty girl. I always hoped Billy would marry a pretty girl."
*** I trust I've been helpful. PM if you have any questions or comments about this review--particularly I can direct you to some essays that may help if you wish.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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A great story--I really enjoyed reading it through. Good luck in the contest. Unfortunately, you a problem with dialogue tags and related punctuation. In fact, you have many "action tags" that aren't dialogue tags. You'll note I've corrected several below:
If you don't want it after that, sell it or give it away, but you'll have closed the door on the past.["]
Deciding he needed a [Coke] to quench his thirst, he headed toward Tanner's Country Store.
Will extended his hand to Pappy[.] "William Tremont, sir."
(A body movement is not an attribution of speech.)
A few of us would get our fiddles going and we'd have a good ole [hoedown] going in no time.
He moved his checker, jumping two of Sam's checkers[.] "King me."
Her [blond] ponytail swayed back and forth, as she approached.
(blond = colour, blonde = blond woman.)
He left this property to me when he died, but I wasn't supposed to receive it until I was [twenty-one]."
After what seemed like hours, Kate finally touched his arm[.] "Will, it's starting to get dark.
She grabbed his arm[.] "Told you the place was haunted.
"Will took her hand in his and pressed his lips against it. (Redundant quote marks at beginning of sentence need to be deleted.)
Her eyes searched his[.] "Am I dreaming now?"
A tiny smile touched Mary's lips[.] "You're a pretty girl. I always hoped Billy would marry a pretty girl."
*** I trust I've been helpful. PM if you have any questions or comments about this review--particularly I can direct you to some essays that may help if you wish.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Suneagle,
Thank you for bringing the punctuation to my attention..I know that they should have been periods so I don't know why I have commas there unless these blind eyes and fingers thought I was hitting the right key and it was the wrong one...I'll fix it asap...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Queenise
Carol,this is an enjoyable read. Filled with surprises and intrigue. Good content,descriptions,flow,pace, imagery. Could even make a good chapter book. Blessings. Queenise
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Carol,this is an enjoyable read. Filled with surprises and intrigue. Good content,descriptions,flow,pace, imagery. Could even make a good chapter book. Blessings. Queenise
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Queenise,
Glad you enjoyed it. I had fun writing it too. Smiles, Carol
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My pleasure to read. Queenise