Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Playing By The Rules"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
56 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
Your story is well-written and without SPAG's. It was exciting from beginning to end. It feels like part of a longer story. Will there be more.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Your story is well-written and without SPAG's. It was exciting from beginning to end. It feels like part of a longer story. Will there be more.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Eliz
Thank you for the kind review. Haven't thought about it. The story just popped into my head for the contest. Thanks so much. Carol
Comment from LexieMannix
I was anticipating a twist, of course, but didn't guess it. Great writing, Carol. Like the way you manipulated the dialogue to cover the tracks; very clever. Nice flash write for the comp. Good luck with it, hope it does well.
Lexie
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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I was anticipating a twist, of course, but didn't guess it. Great writing, Carol. Like the way you manipulated the dialogue to cover the tracks; very clever. Nice flash write for the comp. Good luck with it, hope it does well.
Lexie
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Lexie
Thanks for the kind review. Glad you took the time to read and comment. Thanks again CArol
Comment from Steve Pantazis
This is an interesting read. I would suggest breaking up the dialogue in the beginning with beats. It's too dialogue-heavy. It would also be nice to get a sense of the surroundings. There's not enough information or descriptions to engage the senses (smells, sights, sounds).
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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This is an interesting read. I would suggest breaking up the dialogue in the beginning with beats. It's too dialogue-heavy. It would also be nice to get a sense of the surroundings. There's not enough information or descriptions to engage the senses (smells, sights, sounds).
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Pantazis
The flash fiction contest limits my words and description. Otherwise, I usually write forever. Thanks for reading and commenting. Carol
Comment from MaureenC
Ahhh Carol, just wonderful. Real flash. A complete rounded out story with great plot, description and dialogue.
Great ending.
If I had a six it would be yours.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Ahhh Carol, just wonderful. Real flash. A complete rounded out story with great plot, description and dialogue.
Great ending.
If I had a six it would be yours.
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Maureen I will take your virtual six any day. Knowing lyou truly enjoyed my writing is worth more than any star. Thanks so much for the awwesome comment. Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Wow, that was a whirlwind of a story. Your dialog swiftly set the scene and then the believable events you created changed everything as quickly. I liked the way you resolved the story with the headline. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Wow, that was a whirlwind of a story. Your dialog swiftly set the scene and then the believable events you created changed everything as quickly. I liked the way you resolved the story with the headline. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Joan
Thanks so much for the awesome review. I am glad that you enjoyed the story. It's hard to put any impact into so few words. Thanks again Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
That's just not right. Although I've heard of commanders sending soldier off to certain areas so they could move in on their wives or girlfriend. So it doesn happen. Not a really nice person though.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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That's just not right. Although I've heard of commanders sending soldier off to certain areas so they could move in on their wives or girlfriend. So it doesn happen. Not a really nice person though.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Barbara
Thanks for the review. No, Colin deserves a lot worse, but alas I wasn't allowed any more words. Thanks again Carol
P.s. Did you see I actually managed a 80 word story today? That was something else for sure.
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Great job.
Comment from writer guy
Outstanding... A truly novel approach... This is a brilliant piece...
Wouldn't this make a really good movie... Action adventure with a really bizarre finish...
I laughed out loud... What a surprise...
Best of luck...
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Outstanding... A truly novel approach... This is a brilliant piece...
Wouldn't this make a really good movie... Action adventure with a really bizarre finish...
I laughed out loud... What a surprise...
Best of luck...
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Writer Guy
I think you have something there...especially the action part where he beats him up. Bet Carrie was willing to get a piece of that action too. Thanks for the review. Carol
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I am serious... you should think about cranking out 110 pages of cmedy/mystery about an agent sent out on an undercover job that is a bogus job to keep him out of town while his boss steals his girlfriend...
This would be a scream... if you are not interested in this concept would you mind if I had a go at it...
Comment from Amicus
Good flash fiction write, Carol. Your surprise ending works well...poor schmuck victim James done in by his own boss...but it sure didn't take his sweet Carrie long to forget him and move on either...and if he attacks the FBI Director on the church steps, he'll be the one with the long term consequences I would suspect...but this is what a good little write does...gets one thinking of multiple possibilities by presenting credible characters in credible situations acting credibly...Good job.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Good flash fiction write, Carol. Your surprise ending works well...poor schmuck victim James done in by his own boss...but it sure didn't take his sweet Carrie long to forget him and move on either...and if he attacks the FBI Director on the church steps, he'll be the one with the long term consequences I would suspect...but this is what a good little write does...gets one thinking of multiple possibilities by presenting credible characters in credible situations acting credibly...Good job.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Amicus
Thanks for the wonderful review. Glad you liked the story and the wheels are turning in your head. Thanks again Carol
Comment from wierdgrace
What a great story for this contest, it put me into your character, and I loved and seen the beach, this is good, and I look forward to more chapters, good luck into the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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What a great story for this contest, it put me into your character, and I loved and seen the beach, this is good, and I look forward to more chapters, good luck into the contest.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Wierdgrace
Thanks so much for the wonderful review. I appreciated your comments. Carol
Comment from cheyennewy
HI Carol...this is one of those stories that leave the reader screaming for more. What a betrayal this young man suffered. You wrote this very well. In such a short story you developed you characters well and made them alive and believable. Well done....good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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HI Carol...this is one of those stories that leave the reader screaming for more. What a betrayal this young man suffered. You wrote this very well. In such a short story you developed you characters well and made them alive and believable. Well done....good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Chey I thought I wouldn't be able to do it but I did. And then...crazy me...I entered the 80 word contest. Lots of fun writing these though. Thanks for the review. I appreciate it. Carol
