How This Critter Crits
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Micro-Critter and the Eavesdropper"GROWTH? ADULATION? HURRY -- CHOOSE!
94 total reviews
Comment from Fridayauthor
A very well written and interesting posting. Most enjoyable.
Was it a test to see if we recognized Hemingway and Steinbeck before you told us the titles? Good examples.
Incidentally, I've always loved, "A Child's Christmas In Wales."
On dialog; it's not conversation . . . it's an illusion of conversation. Much more difficult to write.
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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A very well written and interesting posting. Most enjoyable.
Was it a test to see if we recognized Hemingway and Steinbeck before you told us the titles? Good examples.
Incidentally, I've always loved, "A Child's Christmas In Wales."
On dialog; it's not conversation . . . it's an illusion of conversation. Much more difficult to write.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Have you ever listened to Dylan Thomas reading his "Child..." on You Tube? It's amazing.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Wonderful chapter. Very educational for the reader. It was easy to read and understand. You have done a great job and I'm looking forward to reading more. Have a blessed day. Shirley
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Wonderful chapter. Very educational for the reader. It was easy to read and understand. You have done a great job and I'm looking forward to reading more. Have a blessed day. Shirley
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Thank you, Shirley. I'm so happy you enjoyed it and found it useful. Much more to come.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
Once again, I can say wholeheartedly that I love thus witty repartee. You have a way with words and this is a great message. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Once again, I can say wholeheartedly that I love thus witty repartee. You have a way with words and this is a great message. Well done.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Thank you, Tomes. I'm so happy you read this. I was afraid after my last crit of your short play that you might be soured toward me.
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No, you were right. I thought the same about it myself. Not happy with the outcome. You were just being honest.
Comment from kiwijenny
If you had asked me what I have been reading I would reply as I did a few years ago when I was reading a tale of two cities...I'm reading A Sale of Two Titties..by Darles Chickens...Silence greeted this then laughter. Sorry I had to go there lol
Thanks for this in depth revisit .well done
God bless
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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If you had asked me what I have been reading I would reply as I did a few years ago when I was reading a tale of two cities...I'm reading A Sale of Two Titties..by Darles Chickens...Silence greeted this then laughter. Sorry I had to go there lol
Thanks for this in depth revisit .well done
God bless
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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You are so funny, Jenny. But you're gonna have to alert me in advance when you're saying something it's best to read without coffee in one's mouth. Thanks for taking something away from my series.
Comment from Annette Gulliver
Another good lesson from you, Jay. I'm taking all your comments on board, and as I venture into the unknown of my next post, your words will be ringing in my ears. Dialogue, conflict, drama. I hope to incorporate some of these in my future ramblings. Love your advice.
cheers
Annette
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Another good lesson from you, Jay. I'm taking all your comments on board, and as I venture into the unknown of my next post, your words will be ringing in my ears. Dialogue, conflict, drama. I hope to incorporate some of these in my future ramblings. Love your advice.
cheers
Annette
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Thank you, Annette. It does my heart good to see you are getting something substantial from my series. More to follow.
Comment from Dashjianta
Another interesting chapter, Jay. It flows well, and your tone is engaging and entertaining as always. I liked the way you built up the imaginary reader's snowy scene, and then threw in the bunnies and cardinals rather than bring in the characters. That gave me a chuckle.
I have to admit though, that things like conflict/timing/character interaction aren't things I think about when I write--I much prefer to rely on instinct in these areas. I always find if I consciously try to get them right they end up sounding forced and stilted, and that will definitely throw a reader out the moment.
Suggestions:
something is said or left unsaid(.) Can't we count
And, the publisher will be the first to
--Delete the comma?
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Another interesting chapter, Jay. It flows well, and your tone is engaging and entertaining as always. I liked the way you built up the imaginary reader's snowy scene, and then threw in the bunnies and cardinals rather than bring in the characters. That gave me a chuckle.
I have to admit though, that things like conflict/timing/character interaction aren't things I think about when I write--I much prefer to rely on instinct in these areas. I always find if I consciously try to get them right they end up sounding forced and stilted, and that will definitely throw a reader out the moment.
Suggestions:
something is said or left unsaid(.) Can't we count
And, the publisher will be the first to
--Delete the comma?
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Thank you so much, Alex. Yes, I already had fixed the missing period. As far as the "And," goes. I have no idea how I missed it. I always put And,/But,/So,/Or & Nor--and a lot more in the "find/replace" box. I thought I had them all rooted out.
Comment from jpduck
*'Please forgive me an aside (and some of you are saying in one voice: "That's all it's been so far ....")' (Of course, it hasn't been an aside; On the face of it, it has been about reading and writing -- and that is EXACTLY what reviewing consists of).
*'In fact, if I'm foolish enough to try to write anything just after a reading of "A Child's Christmas In Wales," my words will come out with a Welsh accent.' (Oh yes! I find that when writing a review of something by an author I particulary admire, I instinctively tend to write it in a similar style. The curious thing is that it is instinct rather than conscious decision).
*'What he can do--what he must do--is make certain his offering is not one more of those distractions' (Very true. That's why it is important for reviewers to mention SPAGs and typos. They can be distractions to the reader).
Another great piece of analysis.
One SPAG (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'to take a [little] *slightly* different slant on what dialogue is'
Adrian
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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*'Please forgive me an aside (and some of you are saying in one voice: "That's all it's been so far ....")' (Of course, it hasn't been an aside; On the face of it, it has been about reading and writing -- and that is EXACTLY what reviewing consists of).
*'In fact, if I'm foolish enough to try to write anything just after a reading of "A Child's Christmas In Wales," my words will come out with a Welsh accent.' (Oh yes! I find that when writing a review of something by an author I particulary admire, I instinctively tend to write it in a similar style. The curious thing is that it is instinct rather than conscious decision).
*'What he can do--what he must do--is make certain his offering is not one more of those distractions' (Very true. That's why it is important for reviewers to mention SPAGs and typos. They can be distractions to the reader).
Another great piece of analysis.
One SPAG (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'to take a [little] *slightly* different slant on what dialogue is'
Adrian
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Thanks, Adrian; I'm happy you found it interesting and 6-worthy. How do you manage to keep 6's so long. Mine are gone by Wednesday. You are the second person to mention altering/removing "little". I'm curious about the rationale. I will change it to "slightly", though. It is done. See how much implicit faith I have in you?
Comment from Eigle Rull
Wow! I learned a lot from this chapter. Unfortunately, I posted the first chapter of my new story before I found this message. Now, I will have to go do some editing while it is on line. I have no idea about what I'll do to improve it, but you've put things in my head that might pop out at the right time and help me better my chapter.
My biggest problem is making the people seem real, and not just stick figures. I've been trying because it has been mentioned to me. But it just doesn't come easy for me. I guess I need to work on it for a while before it'll get easier.
I'm sorry, I got carried away with my problems. Your chapter was well written and a big help to me. It was extremely interesting because it gave me ideas to better my work. I am looking forward to the next chapter. I think it will help me also. Thank you for sharing this fantastic chapter, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Wow! I learned a lot from this chapter. Unfortunately, I posted the first chapter of my new story before I found this message. Now, I will have to go do some editing while it is on line. I have no idea about what I'll do to improve it, but you've put things in my head that might pop out at the right time and help me better my chapter.
My biggest problem is making the people seem real, and not just stick figures. I've been trying because it has been mentioned to me. But it just doesn't come easy for me. I guess I need to work on it for a while before it'll get easier.
I'm sorry, I got carried away with my problems. Your chapter was well written and a big help to me. It was extremely interesting because it gave me ideas to better my work. I am looking forward to the next chapter. I think it will help me also. Thank you for sharing this fantastic chapter, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Elgie, you are amazing! Thank you for giving me such a high compliment. I don't know if these will apply in an edit, but if you understand them and look to see if the story you are reading applies them (and especially if they don't, and you can see that as a weakness), your writing will slowly start incorporating these things on an unconscious basis. Thank you, Elgie, for personalizing what you took from my post.
Comment from mfowler
Your analysis of what works to be the catalyst for that writer-reader chemistry, is really interesting. I thought the introduction via great titles that most writers would know, was an excellent and engaging idea. The structures eg dialogue, character1, character 2, made eminent sense and I will certainly take them on board when writing and reviewing.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Your analysis of what works to be the catalyst for that writer-reader chemistry, is really interesting. I thought the introduction via great titles that most writers would know, was an excellent and engaging idea. The structures eg dialogue, character1, character 2, made eminent sense and I will certainly take them on board when writing and reviewing.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thank you, MFowler (Mike?) for your kindness and generous rating. I'm glad you were able to take something of value away from it.
Comment from c_lucas
Most writers down play their reader's intelligence. "John licked his bloody knuckles while watching Tim blink a couple of times before picking himself off the floor." This gives all the information the reader needs. You have numerous good points in your essay.
Error:
won't you (
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Most writers down play their reader's intelligence. "John licked his bloody knuckles while watching Tim blink a couple of times before picking himself off the floor." This gives all the information the reader needs. You have numerous good points in your essay.
Error:
won't you (
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thank you, Charlie. Big problem, huh? To tell enough to engage, but not so much that your reader's turned off.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie