The Green Tonka Road Grader
A little boy that wanted to play with a road grader.31 total reviews
Comment from Caperton Tissot
This is a very sweet story and an uplifting one as well. The ending, though, is a little predictable. Also, I don't know if there is a real town in Kentucky named Sandy Hook but the association with that town is the Sandy Hook where all the school children were murdered. Was that you intention? Also, I think there is a little too much repetition of Harry asking for the grader. Maybe that can be reduced or summarized in some places. Thanks for the story.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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This is a very sweet story and an uplifting one as well. The ending, though, is a little predictable. Also, I don't know if there is a real town in Kentucky named Sandy Hook but the association with that town is the Sandy Hook where all the school children were murdered. Was that you intention? Also, I think there is a little too much repetition of Harry asking for the grader. Maybe that can be reduced or summarized in some places. Thanks for the story.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Caperton for your review. I really appreciate the feedback. And yes, Sandy Hook, Kentucky is in the Southeast of Kentucky and this is a true story. And this has nothing to do with the Sandy Hook in Connecticut where school children were murdered.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I have been a teacher and want to help you make this good story even better. For one thing, don't start a sentence with "but". When someone speaks you need to write She said, "I will later." When someone speaks it gets its own paragraph. Cut the number of children down. Five kids and an adult in a pickup isn't possible. Maybe have two sisters only, because girls might not want to play in the dirt with him. You need to cut quite a bit about the wreck. He might see his mother and sisters fly out the window as the truck rolls down a hill into a creek. He would not know how long the drop is and he could fly out the door, but his arm could not be caught in the door because it would crush it. Gas could pour out on him. He wouldn't know about his family and would be in terrible pain if his legs are crushed. Rescuers might carry him up to road but not into a house. Mother and sisters with cuts and bruises can be looking down at him until ambulance arrives. Have legs broken but not crushed. They may not have been able to fix them in 1967. The road grader is a nice touch to end the story. Best wishes for your rewrite. I have things I've rewritten many times before they are right. Imagine yourself in the boy's place. In fact, you could write it from his point by using "I".
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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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I have been a teacher and want to help you make this good story even better. For one thing, don't start a sentence with "but". When someone speaks you need to write She said, "I will later." When someone speaks it gets its own paragraph. Cut the number of children down. Five kids and an adult in a pickup isn't possible. Maybe have two sisters only, because girls might not want to play in the dirt with him. You need to cut quite a bit about the wreck. He might see his mother and sisters fly out the window as the truck rolls down a hill into a creek. He would not know how long the drop is and he could fly out the door, but his arm could not be caught in the door because it would crush it. Gas could pour out on him. He wouldn't know about his family and would be in terrible pain if his legs are crushed. Rescuers might carry him up to road but not into a house. Mother and sisters with cuts and bruises can be looking down at him until ambulance arrives. Have legs broken but not crushed. They may not have been able to fix them in 1967. The road grader is a nice touch to end the story. Best wishes for your rewrite. I have things I've rewritten many times before they are right. Imagine yourself in the boy's place. In fact, you could write it from his point by using "I".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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Wow! Aren't you a piece of work. If you are a teacher - I am glad I never had you. I guess you have never lived in the hills of Kentucky. Everything that happened in this story is true to the last detail. Yes, my legs were crushed under a 1959 Chevrolet pickup truck and I was in a wheelchair for more than a year. I had to learn to walk again! I still have the scars. And yes, gas was pouring in my face and yes, I did see and hear the glass window crack in my face. I have had numerous nightmares about this all my life! And the rescuerers were Kentucky hillbillies who lifted the truck off my body and carried me to house across the street until the amublance arrived and yes, my mother was there with my siblings because as I stated they did not get hurt too bad, just me. Some people should not be on this site because they think they know too much!!!
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I am so very sorry you misunderstood my intent. You might have given a hint of a location for this. Yes, I believe you were injured badly and the gas poured because it does in wrecks. I was surprised you had a brother who never played with you out in the dirt. My sister and I did it all the time. Basically, I was trying to help you with grammar to make your story easier to read. I thought you were writing about something someone else suffered or it was an imaginary story. We do write fiction on here. Do you really remember seeing your mother and all your siblings during the wreck? I thought the pain would be so bad all you could think about was surviving. I will not make suggestions in the future, but accepting suggestions on here has made me a much better writer. Again, I am sorry you misunderstood my attempt to help.
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Well, grammar is one thing. But when you say my mother and five kids cannot fit in a 1959 Cheverolet pickup - then you must not have tried it. Because you can and we did. We did not have a Cadillac, so we had what we had. That is what you do when you are poor. This was a very true story. And yes, I do remember looking around from a strangers couch and looking for my mother. Remember at that time I wasn't even sure they were alive. The state police also measured the drop into the creek bed and they said it was 15 feet! The truck was laying on top of me and my arm was pinned by the passenger side door. The doctors told my mother my legs were crushed because so many bones were broken and yes I was in miserable pain. But I was worried more about my siblings and my mother. The pain was excruiating! And I was only 7 years old. Then they lifted the truck off of me and about 3 feet and then dropped it on me again. This is why today I do believe in GOD because I know he had a reason for that. I don't know what it was, but...Now grammar. Yes, you are right. I remember from my journalism class that you never start a sentence with but - you are correct. And the quotes you are correct.
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We could only get three kids in the cab, but maybe we were older. Did you have a couple of toddlers? I can believe your arm was trapped under the door, but I thought you were saying between the cab and the door.
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I was the oldest of five children. I sat my 1-year-old brother on my lap and my three little sisters sat between me and my mother. Those old trucks were bigger than you think. That is why the story was written the way it was. I wasn't going for a Pulitzer Prize. I was just writing the truth.
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The three kids that rode in our truck were 4, 7, and 11. Much bigger than your crowd.
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Yes, that is true. My sisters were very small at the time. And those old trucks were bigger too.
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Those truck were bigger and even on a fairly smooth road were rough riding.
Comment from papa55mike
Well, that's the hard way to get a Tonka Road Grader, but thank God everyone was okay. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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Well, that's the hard way to get a Tonka Road Grader, but thank God everyone was okay. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 14-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Mike for your kind words and your review. It is greatly appreciated!
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Harry
Is this a true story or is it fiction?
If it's a true story, did you recover completely?
It sounds like you were born in 1960. My youngest brother was born in 1961.
Your story is very well written I found no mistakes.
I'm assuming that you got better and played with that truck as the character in the story did
It's too bad it took all that for you to get your truck. But maybe money was tight and with 5 mouths to feed, your mother didn't want to set a precedent for the other kids wanting other things.
I think you write both fiction and poetry don't you?
I might try my hand at fiction for one of these free contests. It would have to be one of the flash fiction contests or another one where I could write a very short story
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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Hi, Harry
Is this a true story or is it fiction?
If it's a true story, did you recover completely?
It sounds like you were born in 1960. My youngest brother was born in 1961.
Your story is very well written I found no mistakes.
I'm assuming that you got better and played with that truck as the character in the story did
It's too bad it took all that for you to get your truck. But maybe money was tight and with 5 mouths to feed, your mother didn't want to set a precedent for the other kids wanting other things.
I think you write both fiction and poetry don't you?
I might try my hand at fiction for one of these free contests. It would have to be one of the flash fiction contests or another one where I could write a very short story
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
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Thank you Pam for your kind words and review. Yes, this is a true story. I was in a wheelchair for 1 year. By the time I was eight I learned to walk again. I even went on to run track in high school for 4 years as a letterman! Then Joined the Army after that...
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I'm glad you made a full recovery and got your trip to boot.
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Well, thank you Pam!
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Thank You!
Comment from Wendy G
What a dramatic story about a terrible episode you experienced as a child. You have given excellent insights into the longing and yearning for the special toy, but a pity you received it only after this traumatic accident.
Wendy
Edits: "His mother, brother and sisters were thrown threw (through) the windshield of the truck and landed on the rocky creek bed."
"Oh my God he shouted!" should be "Oh my God!" he shouted.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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What a dramatic story about a terrible episode you experienced as a child. You have given excellent insights into the longing and yearning for the special toy, but a pity you received it only after this traumatic accident.
Wendy
Edits: "His mother, brother and sisters were thrown threw (through) the windshield of the truck and landed on the rocky creek bed."
"Oh my God he shouted!" should be "Oh my God!" he shouted.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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Yes, I know right? Thank you for your review and thank you for catching what I did not.
Comment from Begin Again
I have a handicapped son and when his 4 yr old brother died, he went into the back yard and crushed every Tonka truck we had, I guess they mean different things to different people. Great story though.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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I have a handicapped son and when his 4 yr old brother died, he went into the back yard and crushed every Tonka truck we had, I guess they mean different things to different people. Great story though.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 08-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
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Well, that is sad and I understand why he did that. I actually lost mine and never had another one. Thank you for your review.
Comment from royowen
I assume we're talking about yourself in the third person, how unfortunate to be in an accident like that and the legs were going to take sometime heal, but at least there is an incentive, therefore a vision, well done, Harry, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
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I assume we're talking about yourself in the third person, how unfortunate to be in an accident like that and the legs were going to take sometime heal, but at least there is an incentive, therefore a vision, well done, Harry, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
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Thank you Roy for your review and kind words.
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Most welcome
Comment from LJbutterfly
You have crafted an interesting story about a boy who found joy in the things he owned, but wished for a toy that he felt would enrich his life. Your vivid descriptions helps the reader to understand the boy's background, family life, and desires. The tragic ending of the story tells of a young boy filled with courage and optimism.
You have this story labeled as spiritual non-fiction. Is this the true story of a boy you know, or a mother of deep faith?
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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You have crafted an interesting story about a boy who found joy in the things he owned, but wished for a toy that he felt would enrich his life. Your vivid descriptions helps the reader to understand the boy's background, family life, and desires. The tragic ending of the story tells of a young boy filled with courage and optimism.
You have this story labeled as spiritual non-fiction. Is this the true story of a boy you know, or a mother of deep faith?
Comment Written 03-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Thank you very much for your review! And yes, this is a true story about me. It was real and it helped me with my faith in God as well. I would most likely still be in a wheelchair if it was not for my faith.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your story really brings Harry's world to life, making his joy and heartache feel so real. The way you describe his excitement for the green Tonka Road Grader and the way it contrasts with the tragic accident is powerful and moving. You did a great job of capturing his childlike wonder and the deep disappointment and pain he faces when the accident changes everything.
The accident scene is intense, and you've described it vividly, which helps readers feel the urgency and fear Harry experiences. The part where he finds the Tonka Road Grader in his room, even though he's stuck in a wheelchair, adds a touching note of hope and resilience.
One thing you might consider is tightening up some of the descriptions to keep the story flowing smoothly. Adding a bit more dialogue or Harry's inner thoughts could help readers connect even more with his feelings and experiences. And maybe just go through reread it try out loud and there are some things that don't really detract from the story but could make it even better. Such as these examples
Change "his red and white flannel shirt was torn almost completely off his torso." to "his red and white flannel shirt was nearly torn off his torso."
Change "Several men started running towards the overturned truck." to "Several men started running toward the overturned truck."
Overall, this is a heartfelt and engaging story that really captures the highs and lows of Harry's childhood.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2024
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Your story really brings Harry's world to life, making his joy and heartache feel so real. The way you describe his excitement for the green Tonka Road Grader and the way it contrasts with the tragic accident is powerful and moving. You did a great job of capturing his childlike wonder and the deep disappointment and pain he faces when the accident changes everything.
The accident scene is intense, and you've described it vividly, which helps readers feel the urgency and fear Harry experiences. The part where he finds the Tonka Road Grader in his room, even though he's stuck in a wheelchair, adds a touching note of hope and resilience.
One thing you might consider is tightening up some of the descriptions to keep the story flowing smoothly. Adding a bit more dialogue or Harry's inner thoughts could help readers connect even more with his feelings and experiences. And maybe just go through reread it try out loud and there are some things that don't really detract from the story but could make it even better. Such as these examples
Change "his red and white flannel shirt was torn almost completely off his torso." to "his red and white flannel shirt was nearly torn off his torso."
Change "Several men started running towards the overturned truck." to "Several men started running toward the overturned truck."
Overall, this is a heartfelt and engaging story that really captures the highs and lows of Harry's childhood.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2024
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Thank you Patty for your review.
Comment from Lindsey Russell
Great story. A few sentences may need editing Example: Wow, he thought! I want one of those. Maybe put the thought in quotes or italicize it. Just a small suggestion. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2024
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Great story. A few sentences may need editing Example: Wow, he thought! I want one of those. Maybe put the thought in quotes or italicize it. Just a small suggestion. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2024
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Thank you for that advice!