On The Street Where You Live
A Love I'll Never Know28 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an imaginative, but sad one-sided love story where the protagonist has dreams and fantasies about someone who never realized he existed. You used succinct language to tell a story that is evenly paced and flows nicely to an unexpected ending. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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This is an imaginative, but sad one-sided love story where the protagonist has dreams and fantasies about someone who never realized he existed. You used succinct language to tell a story that is evenly paced and flows nicely to an unexpected ending. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Many thanks for your kind words!
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This piece is well-told, with a gripping twist at the end. The only thing that might have made it stronger is if losing his legs was the cause of Cyndi's rejection of him. Since she wasn't attracted to him when he was uninjured, the injury doesn't seem to have been the factor that cost him his chance with her.
Good work!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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This piece is well-told, with a gripping twist at the end. The only thing that might have made it stronger is if losing his legs was the cause of Cyndi's rejection of him. Since she wasn't attracted to him when he was uninjured, the injury doesn't seem to have been the factor that cost him his chance with her.
Good work!
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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I appreciate very much your kind words!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh so sad and so sweetly told! You've structured this story so well, taking us into the war scenario and then refocusing the lens later on the present, still dreaming to be with her. And at the end, you drop the bombshell of your disability with powerful dramatic effect. Almost a ghost there with regrets and sadness. And complemented with your lovely video song on which the story is based. There's a familiar quality to this work:) Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Oh so sad and so sweetly told! You've structured this story so well, taking us into the war scenario and then refocusing the lens later on the present, still dreaming to be with her. And at the end, you drop the bombshell of your disability with powerful dramatic effect. Almost a ghost there with regrets and sadness. And complemented with your lovely video song on which the story is based. There's a familiar quality to this work:) Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Many thanks for your very kind words!
Comment from Ulla
I think it his is a fine story for the song stories contest. Yes he should have reached out a long time ago. Now he will never know. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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I think it his is a fine story for the song stories contest. Yes he should have reached out a long time ago. Now he will never know. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much for your kindness in reading and replying.
Comment from Esther Brown
Jim I loved that! It is posted as fiction but sounds so true. I can't remember reading from your profile that you served in the armed forces. Did you? My dad was in England (MD mental health). He never talked about it when I grew up but when I spent the last months of his life caring for him I heard so many stories. I have his love letters from that time. I noted one tiny thing: done pat should maybe be down pat? Esther
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Jim I loved that! It is posted as fiction but sounds so true. I can't remember reading from your profile that you served in the armed forces. Did you? My dad was in England (MD mental health). He never talked about it when I grew up but when I spent the last months of his life caring for him I heard so many stories. I have his love letters from that time. I noted one tiny thing: done pat should maybe be down pat? Esther
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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I tried to answer earlier, but had a bit of computer trouble again. It grieves me that I did not serve in the armed forces as I was in college and had a high draft number. Thanks to those who fought, I was able to work with disabled aqdults. Thaqnk you for caring and showing such love to your father. I am trying to atone for my past by writing stories glorifying wartime heroes and writing about the human condition.
Comment from BermyBye50
This is a excellent entry in the song stories contest powerful and heartbreaking story of lovelorn soul who dreamed whose heart longed for the love of Cyndi who helped him survive WWII. If only... seems to be his endearing longing that was never requited.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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This is a excellent entry in the song stories contest powerful and heartbreaking story of lovelorn soul who dreamed whose heart longed for the love of Cyndi who helped him survive WWII. If only... seems to be his endearing longing that was never requited.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much for your kind words.
Comment from RodG
What a marvelous response to one of my all-time favorite songs. What guy has not had secret dreams of a girl he can only follow down her street. You PUT US THERE at Anzio with your platoon sharing stories before the War enfolds you again. Then you PUT US THERE in your hometown after the war still unable to "get through to her." That surprise ending really had an emotional impact on me. I think this story has a great chance of winning the contest. Rod
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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What a marvelous response to one of my all-time favorite songs. What guy has not had secret dreams of a girl he can only follow down her street. You PUT US THERE at Anzio with your platoon sharing stories before the War enfolds you again. Then you PUT US THERE in your hometown after the war still unable to "get through to her." That surprise ending really had an emotional impact on me. I think this story has a great chance of winning the contest. Rod
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
Comment from Gunner Lil
A well written short story. An easy read with a good pace and flow. Excellent sensory descriptions.
A great ending with a kick.
Dean Martin was a great entertainer,
Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
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A well written short story. An easy read with a good pace and flow. Excellent sensory descriptions.
A great ending with a kick.
Dean Martin was a great entertainer,
Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
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Thank you. And the name "Gunner" used was purely coincidental.