Eyes
The truth waiting in the secret archives.27 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
An informative poem, but it is hard to read as poetry. It tells the story as if it is prose and yet the story is important in the telling. I hope life gets better and I apologize in advance if my opinion is not in the least correct for your work. Good luck.
Kiwi
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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An informative poem, but it is hard to read as poetry. It tells the story as if it is prose and yet the story is important in the telling. I hope life gets better and I apologize in advance if my opinion is not in the least correct for your work. Good luck.
Kiwi
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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What can I say? It is a sort of narrative free verse poem, but definitely a poem nonetheless. Perhaps if I included audio of me reading it you'd here the poetic devices better? It is something I've thought about doing, but then for contest entries that gets tricky. I'm sorry this missed the mark for you. I do appreciate you taking the time to read it though, as I know a lot of FanStorians shy away from reviewing longer poems.
Comment from karenina
I don't have the words to do this service. The third time through I began to weep. I tried to read it out loud and could not get around the lump in my throat.
A touch of rhyme, some insanely genius metaphor, words honed like a knife to slice through denial...
Masterful, anonymous.
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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I don't have the words to do this service. The third time through I began to weep. I tried to read it out loud and could not get around the lump in my throat.
A touch of rhyme, some insanely genius metaphor, words honed like a knife to slice through denial...
Masterful, anonymous.
Karenina
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much dear friend. Your support means so much!
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You earn respect and support... The
Comment from Paul Manton
A superb poem - and while I am here, thank you for the undeserved congratulations for my rehashed trivia - still, Paypal was glad!
I was in Russia the next year (1990) singing a series of concerts in St.Petersburg. What a culture shock - every child on the street trying to sell you postcards as you stepped off the coach, every market trying to unload its post-Soviet wares for pennies. Roubles no longer needed, dollars could buy everything. At the Pribaltiskaya Hotel (2,700 rooms) on the top floor, an extensive, expensive bar, with 30 bar stools. On each stool sat a stunning young woman (mostly Ukrainian) to give the unsuspecting traveler a 'warm' welcome. I took one look, breathed in the Mafia and took the lift down!
Yes, the eyes have it! Especially in East Germany, where they are still piecing together shredded documents - but your observations are so accurate - and, as always, your final line is magnificent.
Paul
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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A superb poem - and while I am here, thank you for the undeserved congratulations for my rehashed trivia - still, Paypal was glad!
I was in Russia the next year (1990) singing a series of concerts in St.Petersburg. What a culture shock - every child on the street trying to sell you postcards as you stepped off the coach, every market trying to unload its post-Soviet wares for pennies. Roubles no longer needed, dollars could buy everything. At the Pribaltiskaya Hotel (2,700 rooms) on the top floor, an extensive, expensive bar, with 30 bar stools. On each stool sat a stunning young woman (mostly Ukrainian) to give the unsuspecting traveler a 'warm' welcome. I took one look, breathed in the Mafia and took the lift down!
Yes, the eyes have it! Especially in East Germany, where they are still piecing together shredded documents - but your observations are so accurate - and, as always, your final line is magnificent.
Paul
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you Paul! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The 90s were definitely a wild time in the East. You were quite wise to turn around. Something similar happened to a friend who went to a club and found himself dancing with whom he thought was a friendly local--only to have thugs pressure him for money for taking the lady's time. Sadly he knew protesting that he is in fact gay would only make matters worse.
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Yes, MUCH worse! Glad he survived the ordeal!
Russia became the Wild East very quickly!
Comment from JSD
Bit of an epic but you maintain the tightness of language throughout. Your metaphor is stunningly employed at times as always - I am assuming the writer without checking. An impressive piece saying important things. Have you seen 'The lives of others'?
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Bit of an epic but you maintain the tightness of language throughout. Your metaphor is stunningly employed at times as always - I am assuming the writer without checking. An impressive piece saying important things. Have you seen 'The lives of others'?
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you my friend! I have indeed--a chilling film to say the least. Have you seen "Goodbye Lenin!" It is quite interesting!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I was in Moscow in 1976 and I can assure you that you would never choose Communism over Capitalism. The people then were suppressed and miserable and I think they still are. I doubt the Americans can comprehend life in Russia, but having experienced it for myself, I can testify that there is no liberty there. A well written free-write for the contest, love Dolly x x x
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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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I was in Moscow in 1976 and I can assure you that you would never choose Communism over Capitalism. The people then were suppressed and miserable and I think they still are. I doubt the Americans can comprehend life in Russia, but having experienced it for myself, I can testify that there is no liberty there. A well written free-write for the contest, love Dolly x x x
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Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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I would never choose communism either, but that does not mean capitalism does not have its own systemic issues, or that the transition was smooth (or even positive) for everyone. Many elderly Russians found themselves all of a sudden deprived of the social welfare system they depended on, and their meager savings virtually worthless. In the Eastern Bloc some countries fared better (then-Czechoslovakia, Poland) than others. As late as the early 2000s you could still find many elderly people begging in the main squares in Bucharest. I used to be critical of the decision to let Bulgaria, Romania, and Croatia accede to the EU when they did, as not nearly enough had been done in terms of reform. Now with the events in Ukraine I suppose it is better that they got in when they did (though sadly the corruption remains deeply entrenched).
Comment from Wendyanne
Wow I wish I had a six as this is excellent!! You have expressed your thoughts and feelings so vividly with some great imagery, ie, "How does one live crushed under a giant boot?
Simple, my friend--you just wear it like a suit".
You have described the surveillance state so well and I am so glad it is over??
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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Wow I wish I had a six as this is excellent!! You have expressed your thoughts and feelings so vividly with some great imagery, ie, "How does one live crushed under a giant boot?
Simple, my friend--you just wear it like a suit".
You have described the surveillance state so well and I am so glad it is over??
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much! I will gladly take a virtual six--and am thrilled to come in second in this contest.
Comment from Janis M.
I love the transition of this poem from a commentary of life and politics under communism and for a moment a bit of hope even if reality dimmed it down a bit, and then it took a sharp turn into a feeling of horror. (At least to me that is the way all of those eyes on me would feel like even metaphorically) The way the last stanza was written, I could feel the hundreds of eyes on me. Of course, my husband and I always joke that Big Brother is always listening. Honestly, it is how I feel at work almost every day even now. There are very few people that I trust. It reminds me of a line from Gladiator with Russel Crowe "Do you remember what it felt like to trust..." Almost synonymous with being able to love. The weight relieved when you find someone you know you can trust...and then the crushing despair if you are wrong.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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I love the transition of this poem from a commentary of life and politics under communism and for a moment a bit of hope even if reality dimmed it down a bit, and then it took a sharp turn into a feeling of horror. (At least to me that is the way all of those eyes on me would feel like even metaphorically) The way the last stanza was written, I could feel the hundreds of eyes on me. Of course, my husband and I always joke that Big Brother is always listening. Honestly, it is how I feel at work almost every day even now. There are very few people that I trust. It reminds me of a line from Gladiator with Russel Crowe "Do you remember what it felt like to trust..." Almost synonymous with being able to love. The weight relieved when you find someone you know you can trust...and then the crushing despair if you are wrong.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Thank you for your very kind review Janis. Trust is very difficult. But, faced with the choice of siding with Sartre's nihilism or Camus's optimism, I choose Camus. Have you read his work? It is amazing.
Congrats on placing first in this competition by the way! It was well-deserved.
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I have not. I?m an ex-nihilist myself. Though I suppose if I didn?t have religion, I would probably be nihilist again but with a bit more optimism. Less angsty than my 20s at least. I?ll give his work a read. I love philosophy.
Thank you very much btw!
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You are quite welcome!