Guided by Faith
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Chapter 24"Can faith guide our path?
37 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
An awful lot happened in this chapter which certainly made it exciting. I wonder if perhaps it was a little too much and too fast because it left my head spinning. Also, I can't get a realistic picture of exactly what happened.
In what took less than a minute to read, Emma is accosted by an unknown stranger in her home who turns a gun on her then pulls a knife and cuts her blouse so that her bra is exposed (without cutting her in the process) then begins cutting her bra (again without cutting her--how do I know that? Because you didn't mention it.) Then Seth comes in and is immediately fired upon, hit in the shoulder and goes down (I don't know whether or not police are trained to go down when hit anywhere on the body, but otherwise it seems unlikely he would go down from a shoulder hit), then Ace breaks through the screened dog door (I'm assuming this is not the same door Seth just came through or he wouldn't be breaking through it, but I don't really know what a dog porch is) and he goes for the attacker, but Seth calls him off. Why? The gun is jarred loose and Emma picks it up and shoots the man. Again, why? Is he now threatening someone with the knife? Are Seth and Emma afraid he will somehow take the gun away from Emma now? Who knows? But Emma immediately tends to Seth who calls in the crime, and in seemingly less than a minute (because there are only a few lines of dialog and very little narrative), their rescuers are there and they are soon whisked off to the hospital. Then we are right into the confrontation between Emma and Peggy.
Whew! So much, so fast and then the scene changes, and another major revelation comes to light. It all seemed just too fast for my aging brain with too few details. I didn't feel any suspense because it happened so quickly and was then just dropped, hopefully only for the time being.
Perhaps you will bring it up in a later chapter, but I would love to know if the attacker was that fellow who's been stalking her in the Crown Vic, how he happened to pick her as his target, what her reaction was to shooting and possibly killing a man, and why this poor girl has had so many bad things happening to her in just 24 days time? She was attacked in her home a couple weeks ago by two men, suffered a major car accident, and now attacked again in her home. It would be good to have her reflect on that at some point.
You are a good writer, and I'm pretty sure you will get to those things. I just think for the pacing of the story, you might consider resolving some of this before we get into the next major twist in the story with the revelation about her adoption.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why was Ace outback?" - Should be out back.
Seth stepped further in the room. - Should be into
After given his room number, - Should be either giving or having given
with the only the sound of her crying. - Extra "the"
"I don't want you too."
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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An awful lot happened in this chapter which certainly made it exciting. I wonder if perhaps it was a little too much and too fast because it left my head spinning. Also, I can't get a realistic picture of exactly what happened.
In what took less than a minute to read, Emma is accosted by an unknown stranger in her home who turns a gun on her then pulls a knife and cuts her blouse so that her bra is exposed (without cutting her in the process) then begins cutting her bra (again without cutting her--how do I know that? Because you didn't mention it.) Then Seth comes in and is immediately fired upon, hit in the shoulder and goes down (I don't know whether or not police are trained to go down when hit anywhere on the body, but otherwise it seems unlikely he would go down from a shoulder hit), then Ace breaks through the screened dog door (I'm assuming this is not the same door Seth just came through or he wouldn't be breaking through it, but I don't really know what a dog porch is) and he goes for the attacker, but Seth calls him off. Why? The gun is jarred loose and Emma picks it up and shoots the man. Again, why? Is he now threatening someone with the knife? Are Seth and Emma afraid he will somehow take the gun away from Emma now? Who knows? But Emma immediately tends to Seth who calls in the crime, and in seemingly less than a minute (because there are only a few lines of dialog and very little narrative), their rescuers are there and they are soon whisked off to the hospital. Then we are right into the confrontation between Emma and Peggy.
Whew! So much, so fast and then the scene changes, and another major revelation comes to light. It all seemed just too fast for my aging brain with too few details. I didn't feel any suspense because it happened so quickly and was then just dropped, hopefully only for the time being.
Perhaps you will bring it up in a later chapter, but I would love to know if the attacker was that fellow who's been stalking her in the Crown Vic, how he happened to pick her as his target, what her reaction was to shooting and possibly killing a man, and why this poor girl has had so many bad things happening to her in just 24 days time? She was attacked in her home a couple weeks ago by two men, suffered a major car accident, and now attacked again in her home. It would be good to have her reflect on that at some point.
You are a good writer, and I'm pretty sure you will get to those things. I just think for the pacing of the story, you might consider resolving some of this before we get into the next major twist in the story with the revelation about her adoption.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why was Ace outback?" - Should be out back.
Seth stepped further in the room. - Should be into
After given his room number, - Should be either giving or having given
with the only the sound of her crying. - Extra "the"
"I don't want you too."
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Some of this is previous information told in earlier chapters.
I don't really know what a dog porch is (Seth and his friends with Emma, built this dog porch for two weekends)
Seth didn't call the dog off, he told him to get down because Emma was aiming the gun at the attacker and Seth didn't want Ace to accidently get shot.
Thank you for the catches. I've made corrections and appreciate the help.
Comment from jmdg1954
Hi Barbara.
About 1/3 into the chapter-
"I had paperwork so came back."
What an intense chapter. I had no idea it would turn this way so quickly.
Wow. That Peggy is one royal pain in the __s.
Good chapter. I cant wait to see how it shapes up.
John
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Hi Barbara.
About 1/3 into the chapter-
"I had paperwork so came back."
What an intense chapter. I had no idea it would turn this way so quickly.
Wow. That Peggy is one royal pain in the __s.
Good chapter. I cant wait to see how it shapes up.
John
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2023
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Next week will move slower and explain a lot of this situation. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lancellot
The structural writing is fine, and your editing is great as usual. This chapter does feel like an attempt to wrap things up. The sudden meth lab bust, seems made to get Seth in a bullet proof vest, as it had no support. An entire small town knowing a useless secret but not the MC. "My whole life's been a lie." Kind of a cliche response, and Emma being as intelligent as we were constantly told, odd. A crack baby, with all the skills, empathy, intelligence, and near perfection as Emma???
No reason given for the cluelessness of Peggy, or her infatuation with Seth. Are there no other men in that town?
Odd how the assailant isn't named and after being shot seemingly forgotten. And Emma never asked: Who are you? No one did.
There are issues here, but I know I am the only person who'll mention them, so feel free to ignore me. One voice is probably wrong. No need to reply. Good luck moving forward.
notes:
Seth headed for the bakery as Peggy ran to him, encompassed him in a hug, and stated loudly, "I'm so glad you're back."
- I get it, but Seth is a top cop. No way Peggy (or anyone) gets that close to him (touching and hugging an armed cop) unless he wants and allows it.
On the dog porch Emma played the guitar and sang with Ace and Molly. She stood when she heard the front door. "Seth's here. I'll be right back."
- This isn't right. You've already established Ace or Molly hearing, smelling, or as a dog (trained on too) would've alerted on the stranger before Emma heard him.
He started cutting her bra, as Seth opened the front door. "Why's Ace barking?"
- I would think Ace would be doing more than barking, and Seth would suspect or know based on it. But this also explains the sudden vest.
Ace's 150 pounds repeatedly hitting the door knocked it in.
-Why didn't Ace rush in when Seth opened the door?
Emma took the shot.
- Sorry, but this is completely out of character. No hesitation???
Emma explained why they were outside. "I left the door unlocked because I knew you'd return."
-What? Now, after all that's happened, she leaves the door unlocked???
"I'm glad Keith taught you to handle a gun."
-When did that happen?
"Did you tell Seth?"
-What? His reply should've been: thank god, he didn't get to hurt you. Do you know him?
The lead emergency worker stood in the doorway. "Sheriff Baker, we need to transport the victims to the hospital."
-What victims, other than Seth? One glance would tell them only Emma's blouse was touched. Why the expense?
While they examined Emma, Jake called Pastor Pat and checked on Seth.
-Why would they examine Emma? She was barely touched. Really why?
Emma's tear-filled eyes met his. She turned and ran.
-Wait. She runs, after killing a man with one shot, no hesitation and no tears.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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The structural writing is fine, and your editing is great as usual. This chapter does feel like an attempt to wrap things up. The sudden meth lab bust, seems made to get Seth in a bullet proof vest, as it had no support. An entire small town knowing a useless secret but not the MC. "My whole life's been a lie." Kind of a cliche response, and Emma being as intelligent as we were constantly told, odd. A crack baby, with all the skills, empathy, intelligence, and near perfection as Emma???
No reason given for the cluelessness of Peggy, or her infatuation with Seth. Are there no other men in that town?
Odd how the assailant isn't named and after being shot seemingly forgotten. And Emma never asked: Who are you? No one did.
There are issues here, but I know I am the only person who'll mention them, so feel free to ignore me. One voice is probably wrong. No need to reply. Good luck moving forward.
notes:
Seth headed for the bakery as Peggy ran to him, encompassed him in a hug, and stated loudly, "I'm so glad you're back."
- I get it, but Seth is a top cop. No way Peggy (or anyone) gets that close to him (touching and hugging an armed cop) unless he wants and allows it.
On the dog porch Emma played the guitar and sang with Ace and Molly. She stood when she heard the front door. "Seth's here. I'll be right back."
- This isn't right. You've already established Ace or Molly hearing, smelling, or as a dog (trained on too) would've alerted on the stranger before Emma heard him.
He started cutting her bra, as Seth opened the front door. "Why's Ace barking?"
- I would think Ace would be doing more than barking, and Seth would suspect or know based on it. But this also explains the sudden vest.
Ace's 150 pounds repeatedly hitting the door knocked it in.
-Why didn't Ace rush in when Seth opened the door?
Emma took the shot.
- Sorry, but this is completely out of character. No hesitation???
Emma explained why they were outside. "I left the door unlocked because I knew you'd return."
-What? Now, after all that's happened, she leaves the door unlocked???
"I'm glad Keith taught you to handle a gun."
-When did that happen?
"Did you tell Seth?"
-What? His reply should've been: thank god, he didn't get to hurt you. Do you know him?
The lead emergency worker stood in the doorway. "Sheriff Baker, we need to transport the victims to the hospital."
-What victims, other than Seth? One glance would tell them only Emma's blouse was touched. Why the expense?
While they examined Emma, Jake called Pastor Pat and checked on Seth.
-Why would they examine Emma? She was barely touched. Really why?
Emma's tear-filled eyes met his. She turned and ran.
-Wait. She runs, after killing a man with one shot, no hesitation and no tears.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Many of your questions have be answered in earlier posts. Others will be answered next Sunday. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
The Lord,'s family is full us adoptees, does He love us any less than His natural children, no way, the adoptee has all the rights and privileges of a natural child, Emma should and would know, but perhaps she'll now be curious about her natural child, what a nasty person Peggy is, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : After (she was) given
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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The Lord,'s family is full us adoptees, does He love us any less than His natural children, no way, the adoptee has all the rights and privileges of a natural child, Emma should and would know, but perhaps she'll now be curious about her natural child, what a nasty person Peggy is, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Typo : After (she was) given
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. I?ll get that area fixed
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Most welcome
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! This is an intense chapter. You did a great job with it. I hope we find out who this man was and why he was trying to hurt or kill Anna. This was a lot for a person to deal with. I don't know which is worse, having someone try to kill you and then having to deal with killing someone yourself or finding out your are adopted. Peggy really showed herself to evil.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Wow! This is an intense chapter. You did a great job with it. I hope we find out who this man was and why he was trying to hurt or kill Anna. This was a lot for a person to deal with. I don't know which is worse, having someone try to kill you and then having to deal with killing someone yourself or finding out your are adopted. Peggy really showed herself to evil.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. Yes, this was an important chapter. Information will come out slower in the next chapter as things are explained.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Barbara, you made me cry. Your chapter is full of emotions.... love, jealousy, anger, and forgiveness. Excellent writing, you are an awesome writer. I can't wait to read how Seth is going to react, what will happen to Peggy, how will Emma and Seth recover. Well done!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Barbara, you made me cry. Your chapter is full of emotions.... love, jealousy, anger, and forgiveness. Excellent writing, you are an awesome writer. I can't wait to read how Seth is going to react, what will happen to Peggy, how will Emma and Seth recover. Well done!
Gypsy
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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The next chapter moves slower and will explain a lot more. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from damommy
Great chapter full of so many things. How badly was Seth hurt? I see Barton's still has the nerve to come around and be vicious. I've know adopted children who found out later in life. It's always best to tell them when they're young.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Great chapter full of so many things. How badly was Seth hurt? I see Barton's still has the nerve to come around and be vicious. I've know adopted children who found out later in life. It's always best to tell them when they're young.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Yes, Emm should have been told, but now we need to go from there. Thank you for this kind review. The next chapter moves slower and will explain a lot more.
Comment from Ben Colder
I went on a joy ride with this one. As always, you keep me in tune with each word. Good story. I was thinking about the twins my daughter adopted at birth. They too are drug babies but raised in a Christian home. She and I spoke about telling them now they are 14.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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I went on a joy ride with this one. As always, you keep me in tune with each word. Good story. I was thinking about the twins my daughter adopted at birth. They too are drug babies but raised in a Christian home. She and I spoke about telling them now they are 14.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement. Emma should have been told but it didn't happen.
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Good story.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Was that Ronald? Who was it? Is he dead? Almost losing Emma should get Seth's qualms settled down. But is high time he had a public confrontation with Peggty in front of The pastor and Keith. Being a gentleman only made things harder for Emma.
Good Work. Karen
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Was that Ronald? Who was it? Is he dead? Almost losing Emma should get Seth's qualms settled down. But is high time he had a public confrontation with Peggty in front of The pastor and Keith. Being a gentleman only made things harder for Emma.
Good Work. Karen
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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All of this will work itself out in the next post. It moves slower and answers most questions. Thank you for the kind review.
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you are welcome. Karen
Comment from Paul McFarland
You have put plenty into this chapter, Barb. You now have many different directions available to you. I can see that Emma can now take care of Seth as he recovers from his wound.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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You have put plenty into this chapter, Barb. You now have many different directions available to you. I can see that Emma can now take care of Seth as he recovers from his wound.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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All of this will work itself out in the next post. It moves slower and answers most questions. Thank you for the kind review.