Just a Small Sip
To start with44 total reviews
Comment from Thesis
LOL, and at a church picnic no less. You walk us through a scene played out many times, where someone's spiked the punch or lemonade. Enjoying the drink, doing something out of the ordinary, and asking why people are laughing, are rights of passage that many have gone through. Well told in few words.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
  |
LOL, and at a church picnic no less. You walk us through a scene played out many times, where someone's spiked the punch or lemonade. Enjoying the drink, doing something out of the ordinary, and asking why people are laughing, are rights of passage that many have gone through. Well told in few words.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Thesis. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from Mia Twysted
That was great. I enjoyed the story and the fuzziness as things began to take effect. Then comes the end line, and it gives the story a whole new take and kick that made me laugh.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
|
That was great. I enjoyed the story and the fuzziness as things began to take effect. Then comes the end line, and it gives the story a whole new take and kick that made me laugh.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Mia. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from pome lover
Cute. Did that really happen? If so, somebody probably got in real trouble.
Neat poem describing the effects of the spiked lemonade. You had it after the coffee, etc? Anyway, sounds like quite an experience.
Think I resent a response to one I'd read before, by mistake. Couldn't remember if you'd answered. sorry.
How are you doing?? What's going on?
I've been busy writing Toby stories which not many are commenting on. Oh well.
When did this lemonade experience happen? You sound good. How are you?
Katharine
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Cute. Did that really happen? If so, somebody probably got in real trouble.
Neat poem describing the effects of the spiked lemonade. You had it after the coffee, etc? Anyway, sounds like quite an experience.
Think I resent a response to one I'd read before, by mistake. Couldn't remember if you'd answered. sorry.
How are you doing?? What's going on?
I've been busy writing Toby stories which not many are commenting on. Oh well.
When did this lemonade experience happen? You sound good. How are you?
Katharine
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Hi Katharine, no, this is completely a made up poem, as I was trying to write it with humor. I used the adult picnic so nobody would attack about the chance of kids to get a hold of it. The scenarios that I explained I thought were so far fetched that nobody could be upset about those either, yet it has a few. But most thought it was funny and not upsetting at all.
Thank you so much for your awesome review and comments. You are so special and I appreciate you so very much. Mystery Poet
Comment from LJbutterfly
Hahaha! What a dirty trick, but the people all had fun. You set the story up slowly and clearly, letting the reader know the participants would have "fun galore." Your rhythmic, flowing rhymes lead to a vivid description of how the protagonist felt, and concludes with a humorous explanation for the fun party drink. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Hahaha! What a dirty trick, but the people all had fun. You set the story up slowly and clearly, letting the reader know the participants would have "fun galore." Your rhythmic, flowing rhymes lead to a vivid description of how the protagonist felt, and concludes with a humorous explanation for the fun party drink. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Lorraine. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from Lisasview
Had quite a good laugh at the last line
Who spiked the lemonade? ha ha ha
Cleverly written and I wish you the very best of luck in the crazy Drink Contest...
Wondering now who you are,
Lisasview
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Had quite a good laugh at the last line
Who spiked the lemonade? ha ha ha
Cleverly written and I wish you the very best of luck in the crazy Drink Contest...
Wondering now who you are,
Lisasview
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Lisa. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
-
You are most welcome,
Lisa
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. I feel this was about a horrible joke where someone could have gotten badly injured. Unfortunately, things like this do happen.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
|
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. I feel this was about a horrible joke where someone could have gotten badly injured. Unfortunately, things like this do happen.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
-
Hi Barb, I appreciate your kind comments. I am not sure if this has ever happened or not, but this was written in fun and completely as fiction and meant to be silly. It was kinda fun to write something out of the usual that is so far fetched that most people may get a kick out of. Thanks again my friend
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your humorous poem. It flows and rhymes very well. Your total presentation is so professional looking. I love your artwork choice and your font and font size. Your poem demanded my attention, and it pulled me into your story. I was right there at the picnic with you and your church members, and I have no suggestions for any changes. Keep sharing love, joy, and laughter through your words and imagination. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
I enjoyed reading your humorous poem. It flows and rhymes very well. Your total presentation is so professional looking. I love your artwork choice and your font and font size. Your poem demanded my attention, and it pulled me into your story. I was right there at the picnic with you and your church members, and I have no suggestions for any changes. Keep sharing love, joy, and laughter through your words and imagination. Best wishes!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Angel. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from jenintorre
Ha ha ha. What a very cute and humorous poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I love your artwork and presentation.
I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Ha ha ha. What a very cute and humorous poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I love your artwork and presentation.
I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Jen. Your fun comments gave me a big smile in return and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Ha ha! Great fun with this surprise ending. Love it! Your verse has such a buoyant, musical tone and vividly conveys a sense of something bizarre going on in that zone. When complemented with the image, this completes an excellent post and a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Ha ha! Great fun with this surprise ending. Love it! Your verse has such a buoyant, musical tone and vividly conveys a sense of something bizarre going on in that zone. When complemented with the image, this completes an excellent post and a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Oh thank you so very much, Debbie. Your fun comments gave me a big smile and mean so much to me. I appreciate them so very much!
Comment from Daylily
Update: I always admire open-mindedness and those who graciously contemplate the value additional perspectives might hold.
Best wishes!
Lily
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This humorous posting for the contest has a great concluding line.
However, since the word 'making' is iambic, this particular line veers away from the tetrameter/trimeter pattern:
-- What kept making everyone laugh
a possible suggestion :
-- What kept on making people laugh
Also, even though the meaning is understood, this line suffers from the lack of using the word(s) 'it' or 'the drink' :
-- It gave the party quite a kick
-- But we don't know who made
a possible suggestion:
It gave the party quite a kick
This joke that has been played
The posting would also benefit by using punctuation to help give certain lines more emphasis and power...especially using a question mark after the last word of the poem.
The picture you chose to support the humorous message is a very good one. It is obvious you have a lot of talent and will soon be able to nail a few more of the details needing a bit more refinement.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
|
Update: I always admire open-mindedness and those who graciously contemplate the value additional perspectives might hold.
Best wishes!
Lily
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This humorous posting for the contest has a great concluding line.
However, since the word 'making' is iambic, this particular line veers away from the tetrameter/trimeter pattern:
-- What kept making everyone laugh
a possible suggestion :
-- What kept on making people laugh
Also, even though the meaning is understood, this line suffers from the lack of using the word(s) 'it' or 'the drink' :
-- It gave the party quite a kick
-- But we don't know who made
a possible suggestion:
It gave the party quite a kick
This joke that has been played
The posting would also benefit by using punctuation to help give certain lines more emphasis and power...especially using a question mark after the last word of the poem.
The picture you chose to support the humorous message is a very good one. It is obvious you have a lot of talent and will soon be able to nail a few more of the details needing a bit more refinement.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
-
Hi Lily, I do appreciate your kind review, kind comments and awesome feedback. I also liked some of your suggestions, and will look to see if they will benefit my poem better. Actually I am known for my meter and have been doing poetry since I was a little girl, but when I got here so much had changed. In college writing classes we would have never thought to do some of this without punctuation, so it took me a long time to rid myself of that habit. Many times if you get a four, it will be for using it in poetry, especially periods. So now I won't even go there. Some say that it is mostly just this site, but I do know the rule of thumb is that it is a personal preference.
You must be kinda new to the site if you haven't heard that quite a few times. And if and when you do, I truly understand how that feels to be new and try to change something you have been doing all your life.
I do like your suggestion of using people vs everyone, and even going to look at your last stanza suggestion. Feedback is what has helped me get to where I am right now, so I thank you so very much for your ideas. You are awesome Lily. If you think it looks better after, I wouldn't mind you changing the four to a five. Thanks again, my friend.