Silent Symphony
A secret place gives comfort.46 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Hand-counted 75 words so meets that requirement of the contest.
The first sentence sets the scene well.
The word "canopy" provides the illusion the branches blot out everything overhead including the light of the sun.
The word "can" changes the piece from past tense to present tense.
Consider the word could, which is the past tense of can, and would keep the entire piece past tense.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Hand-counted 75 words so meets that requirement of the contest.
The first sentence sets the scene well.
The word "canopy" provides the illusion the branches blot out everything overhead including the light of the sun.
The word "can" changes the piece from past tense to present tense.
Consider the word could, which is the past tense of can, and would keep the entire piece past tense.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the review and your input. I will revisit the work. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know.
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i considered this seriously, but I stayed with can in the present because it felt like a good transitiion to the future perfect continuous I wanted as a conclusion. Again, thanks for your help. It made me do a deeper dig.
Comment from jessizero
That last line really resonated with me. Your words and the mental image they brought to life were beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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That last line really resonated with me. Your words and the mental image they brought to life were beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for the review and for enjoying my space with me for a moment
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Wow, the imagery! "congregation of long needled pine trees" - "tightly entangled branches turned off the sun" - "Nature had absorbed all sound".
The picture is perfect and shows us what your words do not; actually, your choice of words do "show" us where you are. No photo needed.
This tells the story of one moment in time, captured in a way that will stay with you forever.
Very, very well written. I wish you the best in this contest, it's truly a contender!
Pam
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Wow, the imagery! "congregation of long needled pine trees" - "tightly entangled branches turned off the sun" - "Nature had absorbed all sound".
The picture is perfect and shows us what your words do not; actually, your choice of words do "show" us where you are. No photo needed.
This tells the story of one moment in time, captured in a way that will stay with you forever.
Very, very well written. I wish you the best in this contest, it's truly a contender!
Pam
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for those kind words!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and story to go with it, Nicki.
-I enjoyed reading it.
-Your vivid imagery creates a good word picture of the scene
beginning with the opening description.
-I like the image, "silent symphony," followed by the single word, "Peace."
-Very good concluding lines show how you achieved a sense of peace here.
-Very well done; good luck!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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-Very nice image and story to go with it, Nicki.
-I enjoyed reading it.
-Your vivid imagery creates a good word picture of the scene
beginning with the opening description.
-I like the image, "silent symphony," followed by the single word, "Peace."
-Very good concluding lines show how you achieved a sense of peace here.
-Very well done; good luck!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the review and your kind words
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You are welcome.
Comment from Sanku
Beautifully written about the deep silence of the woods.'a congregation of long needled pine; tightly entangled branches turning off the sun" these are very poetical expressions.loved it
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Beautifully written about the deep silence of the woods.'a congregation of long needled pine; tightly entangled branches turning off the sun" these are very poetical expressions.loved it
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you for reviewing and for your kind words.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
The protagonist's sense of being safe in the dark silence and the realization that this blissful moment will always be a part of their being is beautifully portrayed, resonating with readers who also cherish their own memories of being in nature.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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The protagonist's sense of being safe in the dark silence and the realization that this blissful moment will always be a part of their being is beautifully portrayed, resonating with readers who also cherish their own memories of being in nature.
Well done.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thank you for the review and for your kind words.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Your choice of words is perfect for this short story. The artwork is lovely and adds meaning to the words you have written. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of luck.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Your choice of words is perfect for this short story. The artwork is lovely and adds meaning to the words you have written. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of luck.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Thank you for yout review and kind words.
Comment from JT traveller
"...a silent symphony."
My favourite line. I find myself considering sound a lot lately. A poetic write that meets the requirements for a 75 word flash fiction and eludes to so much more. Well done. A thoroughly enjoyable read.J
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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"...a silent symphony."
My favourite line. I find myself considering sound a lot lately. A poetic write that meets the requirements for a 75 word flash fiction and eludes to so much more. Well done. A thoroughly enjoyable read.J
Comment Written 04-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for those kind words and for reviewing.
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My pleasure.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a lovely recollection. I did not find anything major to correct. It reminded me of visiting the redwoods in California way back in 2007. It reminded me I would rather be visiting them again! I think I might add a hyphen between 'long' and 'needled' in the first sentence. Good luck in that contest!
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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This is a lovely recollection. I did not find anything major to correct. It reminded me of visiting the redwoods in California way back in 2007. It reminded me I would rather be visiting them again! I think I might add a hyphen between 'long' and 'needled' in the first sentence. Good luck in that contest!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much for your review. I hope you get to visit the redwoods.
Comment from strandregs
Coolread.
And it was cool there I'm sure.
No one can take except dementia. She doesn't say please.
And doesn't give back.
I have a few of those moments stashed away.:-))Z.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Coolread.
And it was cool there I'm sure.
No one can take except dementia. She doesn't say please.
And doesn't give back.
I have a few of those moments stashed away.:-))Z.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023
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Well, yes, there is that dementia thing. I think I'm still ok, but I guess I wouldn't know if I wasn't. Thanks for reviewing,