The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Return Chapter 23"Erotic Turmoil
34 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Another cliff-hanger. I find it amusing that in those days one could use spew the vilest invective whilst addressing his target as Sir or Madame. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
  |
Another cliff-hanger. I find it amusing that in those days one could use spew the vilest invective whilst addressing his target as Sir or Madame. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
That's right. But it's the way you would say Sir or Madam, you can make it sound like an insult. I'm sure Lord Brandon has that down to a T. Thanks so much, Liz! I'm getting better at remembering to allow you in! Lol. Have a lovely week, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Pantygynt
Lord B clearly has murder in his mind, but he had better sober up a bit if he wants to get ahead of the game. I have no trouble at all suspending my disbelief willingly. The characters, supernatural or whatever, are so believable.
The way Margot spread her skirts so Miles wouldn't sit on Bessie's lap was well done and eminently believable.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
 |
Lord B clearly has murder in his mind, but he had better sober up a bit if he wants to get ahead of the game. I have no trouble at all suspending my disbelief willingly. The characters, supernatural or whatever, are so believable.
The way Margot spread her skirts so Miles wouldn't sit on Bessie's lap was well done and eminently believable.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
That is a lovely compliment, Jim! Thank you so much. I'm glad you thiought the carriage scene was well done, that was queried by another reviewer. And a BIG HUG for the SIXTH STAR!!! Love and hugs, my friend. Chat on Sunday after the race. :)) Sandra xx
-
Yes indeed speak to you once they have wasted the shampoo in Baku.
-
Lol!! Have a good week! I'll be reading your chapter in a minute. xxx
Comment from amahra
Lord Brandon really knows how to enter a ballroom. :))This was a very interesting chapter. Though I missed quite a few, you had just enough in this one for me to get some sense of what's going on with the major characters. I hope Lord Brandon makes Miles happy and accepts Meg.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Lord Brandon really knows how to enter a ballroom. :))This was a very interesting chapter. Though I missed quite a few, you had just enough in this one for me to get some sense of what's going on with the major characters. I hope Lord Brandon makes Miles happy and accepts Meg.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Aw, thank you, Amahra, for this lovely review. We'll have to wait a little longer to see if Meg is accepted by Lord Brandon. He's not a nice man! Have a lovely week. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, this is another lovely chapter. How good it is that Bessie is always there to remind Margot who's who. Just a very minor thing:
The paragraph starting: the ride was a short one, ... with Miles
explaining = bring 'explaining' up next to Miles.
It's a wonderful chapter. Now what? Hugs, Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Hi Sandra, this is another lovely chapter. How good it is that Bessie is always there to remind Margot who's who. Just a very minor thing:
The paragraph starting: the ride was a short one, ... with Miles
explaining = bring 'explaining' up next to Miles.
It's a wonderful chapter. Now what? Hugs, Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much for picking up on that. I don't know how that happens, but I've sorted it now. And thanks a lot for the lovely comments and the golden star. I really appreciate them. It's been hectic here with the Queens Jubilee, and so much fun. But it made me rush to get this chapter finished! Thanks, dear friend, Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from blondie560
I saw some of the coverage over the last few days of the Jubilee. It's sad that she had to miss some of the events. Would it be wrong to see her in a wheelchair when so much physical activity is before her. Do you think she will step down soon and have Charles be king or do you think she'll stay till she passes away? Is she the longest serving monarch of all time? I've never really researched it much.
Now to your story, you were very unkind to end it that way! LOL Now we have to wait another week to see if Miles puts 2+2 together. It's a good way though to keep people coming back!
What will you do with yourself this week if the parties are over? Back to normal life. Well, I hope it's a good week no matter what you are doing. Hugs :) Sally
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
I saw some of the coverage over the last few days of the Jubilee. It's sad that she had to miss some of the events. Would it be wrong to see her in a wheelchair when so much physical activity is before her. Do you think she will step down soon and have Charles be king or do you think she'll stay till she passes away? Is she the longest serving monarch of all time? I've never really researched it much.
Now to your story, you were very unkind to end it that way! LOL Now we have to wait another week to see if Miles puts 2+2 together. It's a good way though to keep people coming back!
What will you do with yourself this week if the parties are over? Back to normal life. Well, I hope it's a good week no matter what you are doing. Hugs :) Sally
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
No one would worry about seeing the Queen in a wheelchair, only the Queen herself. She's such a proud lady, and even at 96 years of age, still manages to do more than the rest of us mere mortals!!! Lol. Yes, she is the all time longest serving monach ever! I doubt we will see the like again. Charles will be the next king, and he's already 72, then it will be William, and he's in his early 40s. So neither of those will be monarch as long as our queen has been. She was only 26 when she was crowned queen. And she is very much loved by us all. No, she won't step down. It will be a case of, The Queen has died, Long Live the King! I can actually see that happening very soon. She has been so fragile since her husband died.
Thank you for the golden star, and the lovely review, my friend, I so pleased you enjoyed this part, and loved the ending!!!!! LOL. Warm hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another well-written chapter, Sandra. Given what we know about Lord Brandon's temper and determination, I'm not surprised that he crashed the party and threatened the guests. I hope they all get through the rest of it without more problems, for this evening at least.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
This is another well-written chapter, Sandra. Given what we know about Lord Brandon's temper and determination, I'm not surprised that he crashed the party and threatened the guests. I hope they all get through the rest of it without more problems, for this evening at least.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you, Judy. I'm sure the rest of the party will be fine, even though Lord Brandon has put a damper on it. We are getting close to the final discovery! I enjoyed your review, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
-
You are most welcome, Sandra. :)
Comment from royowen
How could a gentleman like Miles have a father like his own father? It does happen however, that children don't turn out like their parents, they kick the trend, but thinking for oneself does that. Beautifully written my friend, I love this, I suppose in a sense, I think of Seth after the death of Able, the golden thread was maintained by God, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
How could a gentleman like Miles have a father like his own father? It does happen however, that children don't turn out like their parents, they kick the trend, but thinking for oneself does that. Beautifully written my friend, I love this, I suppose in a sense, I think of Seth after the death of Able, the golden thread was maintained by God, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Yes, there are a few bad fathers around, but Miles is a good man. I love your thoughts about it reminding you of Seth after Abel's death. It does, I have to agree with you. :)) Thank you, dear friend, for another lovely review. Warm hug, Sandra xxx
I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, we've had the Queens Jubilee here, and there's been a lot to do. There will never be another Monarch who will live to serve for over 70 years! Did any of the ex pats celebrate in Australia?
-
Not in my lifetime anyway, perhaps Prince Louie,
Comment from aryr
Definitely another great continuation chapter, Sandra. Poor Miles, he definitely did have an issue with his father, Lord Brandon. Perhaps he is thinking about the letter and his father. First he had to apologize to Meg and his guests. He would deal with his father later. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings, smiles n hugs!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
Definitely another great continuation chapter, Sandra. Poor Miles, he definitely did have an issue with his father, Lord Brandon. Perhaps he is thinking about the letter and his father. First he had to apologize to Meg and his guests. He would deal with his father later. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings, smiles n hugs!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much for your really nice review, Alie, I really appreciated your comments. Poor Miles, but no one will blame him for his father's rudeness. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
-
It is truly a great book, Sandra. You are so very welcome, my friend. Warn hugs!
-
Aw, thank you! That is such a nice thing to say. 🤗😘
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
From reading the character list, I get a sense of the story, so I understood what was going on somewhat in this chapter.
An interesting idea to have the main character travel back in time and assume the identity of someone else. I wonder what motivated her to do that? Did she fall in love with Miles somehow before she actually met him or while he was a ghost? Guess I'll have to read more to find out. Kind of Julian Fellows with a big twist.
I found a few things I think you can do better:
"It was Mavis, another maid..." unless Mavis appears throughout the book as another maid, you probably should leave her unnamed or if you must use her name, use it consistently. For example: "My cape! Mavis, would you fetch it for me, please, and bring it down with you?" as you do here. But, I wonder if a young lady 'to the manor born,' so to speak, would say please. Wouldn't she more naturally say,...fetch it and bring it down with you."
"That all the women will be casting an envious eye in your direction, I will agree with." This sentence seems awkward, ends with a preposition, and I am not sure what it's trying to say.
"He released her and, taking her cape from the maid standing close by..." is this Mavis holding the cape and standing close by or some other maid?
"Sarah smiled and leant..." I would say leaned.
"A catastrophe had been masterly prevented." This seems a overly dramatic and not necessary.
"Miles had been watching and congratulated himself on pulling off the surprise. There will be no more hiding away; regardless of his father's threat." I noticed you mix tenses once in awhile. This is an example: will be is present tense, had been is past. (had been watching...would be no more...; or Miles was watching... and will be no more...)
"He slammed the carriage door shut and told the driver to take Lord Brandon home. Without another word, Miles turned and marched back into Joshua's mansion. He had some apologies to make on his father's behalf. What a lovely evening this has turned out to be." I think you tell the reader that Miles told the carriage driver to take Lord Brandon home twice. Also, ..."What a lovely evening this turned out to be." is what, Miles talking to himself, to someone else, muttering under his breath?
An interesting plot from what I've seen and it seems in period which must be difficult for a character from another time. Does Margot remember that she is from the present? She seems to have adapted well to the past, which would be a big culture shock in so many ways.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
From reading the character list, I get a sense of the story, so I understood what was going on somewhat in this chapter.
An interesting idea to have the main character travel back in time and assume the identity of someone else. I wonder what motivated her to do that? Did she fall in love with Miles somehow before she actually met him or while he was a ghost? Guess I'll have to read more to find out. Kind of Julian Fellows with a big twist.
I found a few things I think you can do better:
"It was Mavis, another maid..." unless Mavis appears throughout the book as another maid, you probably should leave her unnamed or if you must use her name, use it consistently. For example: "My cape! Mavis, would you fetch it for me, please, and bring it down with you?" as you do here. But, I wonder if a young lady 'to the manor born,' so to speak, would say please. Wouldn't she more naturally say,...fetch it and bring it down with you."
"That all the women will be casting an envious eye in your direction, I will agree with." This sentence seems awkward, ends with a preposition, and I am not sure what it's trying to say.
"He released her and, taking her cape from the maid standing close by..." is this Mavis holding the cape and standing close by or some other maid?
"Sarah smiled and leant..." I would say leaned.
"A catastrophe had been masterly prevented." This seems a overly dramatic and not necessary.
"Miles had been watching and congratulated himself on pulling off the surprise. There will be no more hiding away; regardless of his father's threat." I noticed you mix tenses once in awhile. This is an example: will be is present tense, had been is past. (had been watching...would be no more...; or Miles was watching... and will be no more...)
"He slammed the carriage door shut and told the driver to take Lord Brandon home. Without another word, Miles turned and marched back into Joshua's mansion. He had some apologies to make on his father's behalf. What a lovely evening this has turned out to be." I think you tell the reader that Miles told the carriage driver to take Lord Brandon home twice. Also, ..."What a lovely evening this turned out to be." is what, Miles talking to himself, to someone else, muttering under his breath?
An interesting plot from what I've seen and it seems in period which must be difficult for a character from another time. Does Margot remember that she is from the present? She seems to have adapted well to the past, which would be a big culture shock in so many ways.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Hi Olivanne, thank you so much for coming in and reading this chapter. Most of the points you raised would be void had you been with me from the start, which was impossible seeing as you hadn't joined FS then! Lol.
For a start, it would have been a catastophe, had she got it wrong. Again, the reason would be obvious had you been able to read the rest. It's hard to explain the whole book all the time. As I'm sure, being a novelist yourself, you would understand.
I'm pleased you picked up on the two tenses in that sentence, I've corrected that now, and leant -leaned.
"What a lovely evening this turned out to be." It's obvious he was on his own when he said it. I talk to myself like that quite often. To then tell the reader - he said to himself - muttered, is one of the areas that you are telling the reader they wouldn't have had the brains to work that out themselves. A big no-no in writing. Saying that, I've now changed it to italics to show he was thinking it.
I do appreciate your input, and thank you so much for it. I do hope you will continue to read the story, there aren't many chapters left to write. Have a lovely week, warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Pam (respa)
-An excellent chapter, Sandra, and you sure know how to leave us hanging at the end.
-Everything is pleasant at the beginning as Margot gets ready for the party.
-Bessie is a big comfort to her, especially when the best friend was mentioned. It's nice to have an invisible friend!
-I liked Bessie's comment about Margot being on the stage.
-Of course, Lord Brandon had to appear and also be drunk so he created a big scene. I wonder what the guests thought? Maybe an idea for the next chapter.
-You did a good job with his response to Margot as he faced her.
-Miles handles his father well, and luckily, gets him in the carriage to go home.
-I wonder if Miles was being sarcastic or truthful when he said, "What a lovely evening this had turned out to be."
-Now I am wondering, if it wasn't the words in the letter, what was it?!!!
-Good job with this one, my friend.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
|
-An excellent chapter, Sandra, and you sure know how to leave us hanging at the end.
-Everything is pleasant at the beginning as Margot gets ready for the party.
-Bessie is a big comfort to her, especially when the best friend was mentioned. It's nice to have an invisible friend!
-I liked Bessie's comment about Margot being on the stage.
-Of course, Lord Brandon had to appear and also be drunk so he created a big scene. I wonder what the guests thought? Maybe an idea for the next chapter.
-You did a good job with his response to Margot as he faced her.
-Miles handles his father well, and luckily, gets him in the carriage to go home.
-I wonder if Miles was being sarcastic or truthful when he said, "What a lovely evening this had turned out to be."
-Now I am wondering, if it wasn't the words in the letter, what was it?!!!
-Good job with this one, my friend.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
-
Thank you so much, Pam. I like to leave people 'hanging' Lol. Thank you, dear friend, for another lovely review. I think Miles was being sarcastic. His lovely evening for Meg/Margot, has been ruined by his father. But, he will not be deterred! The letter will come into play big time soon. A big thank you for the golden star, my wonderful friend!! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
-
You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. I figured he was, but he said it so seriously. I guess he didn't want to disrupt things anymore than they had been. I imagine the letter is going to be big news and reveal all, or most of it, anyway:):)