The Note
The last hike.30 total reviews
Comment from Marienkiefer
Hello,
Very strong message here, that chills to the bones.
-Taking off of the parka illustrates a strong resolve as though casting away the final inhibition.
-You've made it about the note, but what also works well here is the equally strong image and device in the parka.
All in 50 words! Means you did an amazing job conveying a clear message. There is a beginning leading to a decisive action and end result that can be deduced from your story. Very impressive!
Have a nice evening
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Hello,
Very strong message here, that chills to the bones.
-Taking off of the parka illustrates a strong resolve as though casting away the final inhibition.
-You've made it about the note, but what also works well here is the equally strong image and device in the parka.
All in 50 words! Means you did an amazing job conveying a clear message. There is a beginning leading to a decisive action and end result that can be deduced from your story. Very impressive!
Have a nice evening
Comment Written 30-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Marien. I usually stick to poetry, but I thought I'd give this a try.
Comment from LisaMay
This person needs Sir Vival to the rescue. (I've seen this photo before in a poem about Alaska).
Your story makes me wonder why this person is giving up so easily, unless they are trying to kill someone else through exposure to the elements.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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This person needs Sir Vival to the rescue. (I've seen this photo before in a poem about Alaska).
Your story makes me wonder why this person is giving up so easily, unless they are trying to kill someone else through exposure to the elements.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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You are right about Sir Vival. I think I used the same picture.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I am assuming this is a suicide. It is a quick way to go and makes it really hard for someone to be found. Or the person has hypothermia and too often people take off their clothes because their brains tell them they are hot. Not sure which one you are aiming for, but the note suggests option 1. Best of luck with this in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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I am assuming this is a suicide. It is a quick way to go and makes it really hard for someone to be found. Or the person has hypothermia and too often people take off their clothes because their brains tell them they are hot. Not sure which one you are aiming for, but the note suggests option 1. Best of luck with this in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Carol. It's also a pain in the ass to get the body down off the mountain after it is found.
Comment from Bridge
Very well done considering the constraints of the word count. I'll admit I would have liked a few more details but I understand the word count restrictions. All the best in the contest.
With regards
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Very well done considering the constraints of the word count. I'll admit I would have liked a few more details but I understand the word count restrictions. All the best in the contest.
With regards
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Bridge. If you want the rest of the story, read "Good Morning Midnight".
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a powerfully emotional piece, that left me uncomfortable and sad. This is well written and well constructed. I find no flaws. You did a great job with the prompt, very creative.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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This is a powerfully emotional piece, that left me uncomfortable and sad. This is well written and well constructed. I find no flaws. You did a great job with the prompt, very creative.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, K.L. I was uncomfortable, too, until the cold really set in.
Comment from Janilou
Well, you have certainly told an entire story in just fifty words that's for sure. One suggestion is for this line:
I wonder where I should put the note.
This should read
wonder where I should put the note?
Well done and all the best in the writing prompt contest!
Jan
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Well, you have certainly told an entire story in just fifty words that's for sure. One suggestion is for this line:
I wonder where I should put the note.
This should read
wonder where I should put the note?
Well done and all the best in the writing prompt contest!
Jan
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Jan. I thought about the question mark. You're probably right.
Comment from John Ciarmello
Wow! Don't do it!! This is an interesting choice of subject. That being said, it certainly pulls at your deepest emotions and causes one to wonder how many have climbed that same mountain with that same idea. Wonderful thought-provoking piece.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Wow! Don't do it!! This is an interesting choice of subject. That being said, it certainly pulls at your deepest emotions and causes one to wonder how many have climbed that same mountain with that same idea. Wonderful thought-provoking piece.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thanks, John. "Good Morning Midnight" is a book that was the inspiration for this short little piece.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a great short flash fiction that raises more questions than it answers. Why did you climb the mountain alone? Had you already decided to commit suicide or was that a later decision?
My only criticism is a frequent one. To increase impact, thee should be an extra line of white space before the last sentence (the twist in the tale's tail).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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This is a great short flash fiction that raises more questions than it answers. Why did you climb the mountain alone? Had you already decided to commit suicide or was that a later decision?
My only criticism is a frequent one. To increase impact, thee should be an extra line of white space before the last sentence (the twist in the tale's tail).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Katherine. Your suggestion is a good one.
Comment from BeckyMann
I loved it so much, I gave it six stars. I need to know what happens!! I hope you do really well in the contest -- you should. Good luck with all of your writing.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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I loved it so much, I gave it six stars. I need to know what happens!! I hope you do really well in the contest -- you should. Good luck with all of your writing.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Becky. "Good Morning Midnight" is a book that might interest you.
Comment from jessizero
This was frightfully upsetting, but the fact that it is means that you managed to evoke a strong response in the reader, and that makes you a great writer. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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This was frightfully upsetting, but the fact that it is means that you managed to evoke a strong response in the reader, and that makes you a great writer. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Jessi. I've been up on the mountain in back of my house in the winter, but I kept my parka on.