Quick Reads
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "My Origin Story?"A Flash Fiction Collection
29 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is hilarious, Lance! How you came up with this story starting with the sentence provided is beyond me, but it worked. It seemed like one punch line after another. You might have another winner here. Good luck.
  |
This is hilarious, Lance! How you came up with this story starting with the sentence provided is beyond me, but it worked. It seemed like one punch line after another. You might have another winner here. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good job. (Wadn't like no officer I ever saw in the Corps, though.)
I never saw why the son had to calmed down.
Good luck with the contest.
 |
Well written. Good job. (Wadn't like no officer I ever saw in the Corps, though.)
I never saw why the son had to calmed down.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I guess he found out, sort of, how he came to being. Two things 12 year olds don't bounce and 'She got pregnant with you, the first we did it." ' is it missing a word? Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I guess he found out, sort of, how he came to being. Two things 12 year olds don't bounce and 'She got pregnant with you, the first we did it." ' is it missing a word? Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Yes, I missed a word. Thank you.
16 year olds bounce too. Twenty years in Juvenile Corrections and as a parent. I've seen it all. I've seen 18-year-olds, you'd swear were 10 by the way they act.
You're the 2nd person to 12 year olds don't bounce. Perhaps, kids develop differently in different environments across the country and world. The things I've seen children do, would give some people nightmares or amaze them.
-
I raised four boys and although each of my boys were different, they didn't bounce either do my older grandchildren. My first graders bounced. LOL
-
Yes, like I said, how can I put this. Certain children, in certain areas and demographics are not like most people on this site's children and grandchildren.
One of the most difficult things people in my profession face, is making 'normal' people understand, that there are people and children quite unlike anything they've experienced in their communities. I normally try not to write about them, because most readers, simply will not understand or say, 'that doesn't happen'.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Haha. I never thought of you as an Eurasian. This has to be a made-up story but believable. I like it because it involved an Asian lady. I enjoy reading our work.
Well done and good luck.
|
Haha. I never thought of you as an Eurasian. This has to be a made-up story but believable. I like it because it involved an Asian lady. I enjoy reading our work.
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from Annmuma
Interesting story with just the right ending. I enjoyed the read and the smile in the last sentence. I saw one little spot that may have a word missing: the first -- time-- we did it." Or maybe not; perhaps you did not intend to use the word time. At any rate, a well-written smile! ann
|
Interesting story with just the right ending. I enjoyed the read and the smile in the last sentence. I saw one little spot that may have a word missing: the first -- time-- we did it." Or maybe not; perhaps you did not intend to use the word time. At any rate, a well-written smile! ann
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Why would any self-respecting twelve year old bounce? I find the beginning a bit unconvincing, but otherwise it's a stellar story. I loved the way they escaped death. At first thought the description flows beautifully, at second it seems improbable, but then I think of all the people who fell on mines and realise it's me who has an over-optimistic outlook on life.
|
Why would any self-respecting twelve year old bounce? I find the beginning a bit unconvincing, but otherwise it's a stellar story. I loved the way they escaped death. At first thought the description flows beautifully, at second it seems improbable, but then I think of all the people who fell on mines and realise it's me who has an over-optimistic outlook on life.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces the protagonist's father's love story that made him end up as his son.
The work highlights the winding dimensions of the story and how the protagonist evasively rounded off the story with lots of missing gaps to fill.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of historical anecdotes.
Excellent work. Bravo.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
The objective correlative of your work reminisces the protagonist's father's love story that made him end up as his son.
The work highlights the winding dimensions of the story and how the protagonist evasively rounded off the story with lots of missing gaps to fill.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of historical anecdotes.
Excellent work. Bravo.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good tale, well told. I had an idea where this going but it matters not. the voice of the father is appealing and strong in the piece.
"Now, she's one them.- one of them?
dusty bottom until see vanished in the bush. - she vanished?
Best of luck in the competition.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Hi there,
A good tale, well told. I had an idea where this going but it matters not. the voice of the father is appealing and strong in the piece.
"Now, she's one them.- one of them?
dusty bottom until see vanished in the bush. - she vanished?
Best of luck in the competition.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
Comment from Begin Again
lieutenant station
"That when she started
vanished in the bus."
Perfect...ole dad spun a story that sounded better to him than the truth and pulled the boy right in. Definitely cute!
|
lieutenant station
"That when she started
vanished in the bus."
Perfect...ole dad spun a story that sounded better to him than the truth and pulled the boy right in. Definitely cute!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022