Tom's General Store
a Haibun poetic form32 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Davis
Nicely written piece that combines prose and haiku.
The subject matter of the piece is entertaining.
There is a nice theme and tone that flows throughout the piece.
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
  |
Nicely written piece that combines prose and haiku.
The subject matter of the piece is entertaining.
There is a nice theme and tone that flows throughout the piece.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hello Sharon... thanks so much for your lovely comments.
Melissa
Comment from royowen
Although the form we choose to write usually has a face to present, and a function, that it best performs, I still think it's always about the intricacy of theme and the language we use for, and in that form. Usually the haibun prose is a little more terse and uses sparse poetic imagery, with, of course, the haiku, well done Melissa, blessings roy
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
Although the form we choose to write usually has a face to present, and a function, that it best performs, I still think it's always about the intricacy of theme and the language we use for, and in that form. Usually the haibun prose is a little more terse and uses sparse poetic imagery, with, of course, the haiku, well done Melissa, blessings roy
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hi Roy. Thanks. Yes, I definitely think I need to work on the prose section... too long. I will exert myself on the next one to try to be more succinct. Thanks again.
Melissa
-
Don?t worry, I wrote one?poorly, it?s tough, attuning one?s mind I think.
Comment from nomi338
FanStory is truly a supermarket for writers, no matter their preference, skill or ambitions. During the time I have held membership here I have shopped and used a few of the options. My preference is quatrains and being a stick in the mud, I return often to the familiar and most comfortable format. Sorry for any and all that would see me branch out. I am of an age where I may well do whatever I choose within the rules that govern behavior, and this is what I choose to do.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
FanStory is truly a supermarket for writers, no matter their preference, skill or ambitions. During the time I have held membership here I have shopped and used a few of the options. My preference is quatrains and being a stick in the mud, I return often to the familiar and most comfortable format. Sorry for any and all that would see me branch out. I am of an age where I may well do whatever I choose within the rules that govern behavior, and this is what I choose to do.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hello there! Thank you for your lovely comments no review. I hope to read one of your quatrains very soon.
Melissa
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Tom's General Store
by Sugarray77
Wonderful haibun about poetry in Fanstory...a very cool topic. The ending contemporary haiku matches the prose well.
My suggestion is to edit your prose to shorten the length, 412 words, it's too long. Usually well under 100 to 300 words and as succinct as possible.
Well done, Sugarray :)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
Tom's General Store
by Sugarray77
Wonderful haibun about poetry in Fanstory...a very cool topic. The ending contemporary haiku matches the prose well.
My suggestion is to edit your prose to shorten the length, 412 words, it's too long. Usually well under 100 to 300 words and as succinct as possible.
Well done, Sugarray :)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Thanks Gypsy. I have not written a haibun in over two years and have forgotten how. I will try to write another one soon and exert myself to be more succinct. Thanks again!!
Melissa
-
You are welcome, Melissa :)
Comment from zanya
What a delightful read filled with all sorts of treats and delights for the Fanstorian - a lovely touch of wry humor and the Haibun format works great here
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
 |
What a delightful read filled with all sorts of treats and delights for the Fanstorian - a lovely touch of wry humor and the Haibun format works great here
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hello Zanya. Thank you very much for your wonderful review and comments. I really appreciate your thoughts on this one and the extra bonus. :). It was a fun write for me.
Melissa
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed reading your haibun, Melissa. Your use of it works well. Your offering is done with a unique topic. I like the image as it supports your well thought out words. You covered writing on FS well with its various genres and personalities.
Respectfully, Jan
So may ( many ) FanStorians are haggling over it that the store owner, Mr. Tom, decides to put out more
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
I enjoyed reading your haibun, Melissa. Your use of it works well. Your offering is done with a unique topic. I like the image as it supports your well thought out words. You covered writing on FS well with its various genres and personalities.
Respectfully, Jan
So may ( many ) FanStorians are haggling over it that the store owner, Mr. Tom, decides to put out more
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Thank you very much Jan. I really appreciate the notice on the typo :). I would nominate you for ROM, but they won't let me,I have used up my quota... too bad. Thanks again!!
Melissa
-
😊
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That would have made a fabulous contest entry. The prose part of the Haiban was so well written, and made me want to write a free-verse which I am not a great fan of!! Lol. Well done, this was really enjoyable, the poem at the end finished it off superbly. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
That would have made a fabulous contest entry. The prose part of the Haiban was so well written, and made me want to write a free-verse which I am not a great fan of!! Lol. Well done, this was really enjoyable, the poem at the end finished it off superbly. Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hi Sandra. Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I would love to read a FV penned by you. I know it would be lovely. Thanks again.
Melissa
Comment from Sherry Asbury
How very clever you are!! I can see your basket filled with treats galore. Tom's store is my favorite place to be...gathering forms and studying them, committing them to memory. This is a wonderful write!!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
How very clever you are!! I can see your basket filled with treats galore. Tom's store is my favorite place to be...gathering forms and studying them, committing them to memory. This is a wonderful write!!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hi Sherry. Thank you, sweet friend. I am delighted you liked it.
Melissa
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting portrayal of what we poets are about. With a subject in mind we shop for the form that will best highlight our feelings. The narrative is very homey and warm like an old time General Store.
A fine example of this type of poem. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
An interesting portrayal of what we poets are about. With a subject in mind we shop for the form that will best highlight our feelings. The narrative is very homey and warm like an old time General Store.
A fine example of this type of poem. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Hello. Thank you so very much. The prose part is a challenge since I write mostly poetry. Glad you enjoyed it.
Melissa
-
You are welcome. When I use this form I tend to think of the prose part as prose poetry, sort of free verse in paragraph format.
Comment from Katie Mae Dead
How creative Sugarray! This is an absolute riot and was so much fun to read!
Your main body is a delightful smattering of fanstory fare presented in your store setting.
The only thing I noted is that some of your sentences ate rather lengthy. I got called out on the carpet for doing that on a haibun I wrote.
Your satori is exceptional...
Poetry varies its flavor from pen to pen...
delicious morsels.
If I may add. Why not "delightful buffet"? Instead of "delicious morsels"
That would be in keeping with your comment on variety.
Sorry I dont have a six for you.
What an enjoyable read! Thanks!
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
|
How creative Sugarray! This is an absolute riot and was so much fun to read!
Your main body is a delightful smattering of fanstory fare presented in your store setting.
The only thing I noted is that some of your sentences ate rather lengthy. I got called out on the carpet for doing that on a haibun I wrote.
Your satori is exceptional...
Poetry varies its flavor from pen to pen...
delicious morsels.
If I may add. Why not "delightful buffet"? Instead of "delicious morsels"
That would be in keeping with your comment on variety.
Sorry I dont have a six for you.
What an enjoyable read! Thanks!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
-
Thank you Katie. I so appreciate your advice. I will reread the story and try to use your suggestions. I do not write prose very much so I feel extremely rusty with that part of the haibun. Thanks again!
Melissa