Heart Crafted Poems -2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "His Destiny"Musings of an old man -2021
27 total reviews
Comment from C2
Wow, I;ve never heard of this type of poem before. It will take me a while tp process thevcomplicated structure but forcing the discipline of this particular structure creates a rhythmic and hypnotic effect. Brings to mind the Roman legionnaires who believed if they died in battle they would find themselves walking in Elysian fields. Your language works well with the photo. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
  |
Wow, I;ve never heard of this type of poem before. It will take me a while tp process thevcomplicated structure but forcing the discipline of this particular structure creates a rhythmic and hypnotic effect. Brings to mind the Roman legionnaires who believed if they died in battle they would find themselves walking in Elysian fields. Your language works well with the photo. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Thank you for reading and commenting
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your poem is well-written, very descriptive, and spiritually moving. You made an excellent choice of poetic style for conveying your message about Heaven.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
Your poem is well-written, very descriptive, and spiritually moving. You made an excellent choice of poetic style for conveying your message about Heaven.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Thank you
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I like the picture... walking in the mist can encounter mystery.
Mystery can be either good or bad; be prepared to cope with it.
Like what poem says; "He sauntered into the marshland mist.
His footsteps had never missed." Be brave to encounter the unknown...
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
I like the picture... walking in the mist can encounter mystery.
Mystery can be either good or bad; be prepared to cope with it.
Like what poem says; "He sauntered into the marshland mist.
His footsteps had never missed." Be brave to encounter the unknown...
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Thank you,
Comment from Judy Lawless
Although I never knew what it was called, I love this style of poetry and you've done an excellent job of writing it. I can envision what you are describing and understand that he is dying, heading to heaven. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
Although I never knew what it was called, I love this style of poetry and you've done an excellent job of writing it. I can envision what you are describing and understand that he is dying, heading to heaven. Well done!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Judy thank you! Yes you are spot on!
Comment from Earl Corp
i'm not familiar with the Atrina style of poetry. I found it to be too repetetive to be enjoyable. Thank you for sharing. Stay safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
i'm not familiar with the Atrina style of poetry. I found it to be too repetetive to be enjoyable. Thank you for sharing. Stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Thank you Earl it is not this Free Versers favorite, either, but until I tried one, I would not have known this first-hand.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Jim. I'm not certain that I've read this sort of poem before. Atrina poem? Why is it called that, do you know? I see the obvious repetitive lines, but there must be another trademark of this style. Right? Yours is good thoughtful writing as usual. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
Hi Jim. I'm not certain that I've read this sort of poem before. Atrina poem? Why is it called that, do you know? I see the obvious repetitive lines, but there must be another trademark of this style. Right? Yours is good thoughtful writing as usual. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Hi Bob, I have no history of the format, I believe it was created by Jan who runs the club. HAave a nice weekend!
-
You too. Bob
Comment from robyn corum
JLR,
Well, hmm. This one looks a bit intricate to me. I know that when I do poems where there are repeating lines it's quite difficult to make them keep from sounding like brass bells clanging to the floor on the second or third repeats and so on. It takes skill to make each use sound fresh and new. Kudos to anyone who undertakes these challenges - call me a coward if you like. I don't mind one bit. *smile*
It looks like you have followed most of the poem's format really well. The rhyming format and repeating lines, etc., all match up to what I see is required in the rules below. The only thing that appears to need work is the syllable count. The description of the Atrina says each of the lines must have EIGHT syllables, but yours are kinda all over the place. (sorry!) Though some do have eight, you also have several sevens and nines. Do you feel like editing those?
Thanks a bunch! I think it's still worth a five.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
|
JLR,
Well, hmm. This one looks a bit intricate to me. I know that when I do poems where there are repeating lines it's quite difficult to make them keep from sounding like brass bells clanging to the floor on the second or third repeats and so on. It takes skill to make each use sound fresh and new. Kudos to anyone who undertakes these challenges - call me a coward if you like. I don't mind one bit. *smile*
It looks like you have followed most of the poem's format really well. The rhyming format and repeating lines, etc., all match up to what I see is required in the rules below. The only thing that appears to need work is the syllable count. The description of the Atrina says each of the lines must have EIGHT syllables, but yours are kinda all over the place. (sorry!) Though some do have eight, you also have several sevens and nines. Do you feel like editing those?
Thanks a bunch! I think it's still worth a five.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
-
Hi Robyn the established rules I followed did not specific say syllable count but now I know and will of course correct it...thank you.