Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Betrayal Chapter 21"In the title.
44 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Now, at last, I can review this chapter. You have complicated Grant's character in a way that makes him most human. I suspect he'll need the gentle touch of a loving lady to put his demons to rest. Goodness, I hope he hasn't blown it with Tania! She could be the one. I sense this thriller turning into a romance!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
  |
Now, at last, I can review this chapter. You have complicated Grant's character in a way that makes him most human. I suspect he'll need the gentle touch of a loving lady to put his demons to rest. Goodness, I hope he hasn't blown it with Tania! She could be the one. I sense this thriller turning into a romance!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
I'm sure Tania will find room in her heart to forgive him, and then???
Thank you so much for those beautiful six stars, Tony, and your lovely review. A bit of everything coming up in the next few parts. Thanks for your continued support, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from BethShelby
Now Colin's mother is in the story. I hope she will not be able to keep him out of prison by saying the pills keep him stable and he forgot to take them. He did sound as thought he was crazy. I hope we well learn how Colin came to know his brother, since he really didn't know his mother. I'm sure we learn more in the next chapter. The is an excellent story and I enjoy reading it very much.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Now Colin's mother is in the story. I hope she will not be able to keep him out of prison by saying the pills keep him stable and he forgot to take them. He did sound as thought he was crazy. I hope we well learn how Colin came to know his brother, since he really didn't know his mother. I'm sure we learn more in the next chapter. The is an excellent story and I enjoy reading it very much.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, Beth, and the wonderful review. Colin's mother will try her best to protect her favourite son. We will see what happens. I love it that you are enjoying this story, my friend, it is so encouraging. Sending you a warm hug. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! That was a dramatic chapter with the confrontation with his mother, and his final words with her.
Only one thing I had a problem with, and it might be an Americanism.
'This is none of your fault, Grant, [The syntax her seems strange to me, Sandra, but it might be our language difference. To me (and I think to most Americans) it would be phrased, "None of this is your fault."]
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
 |
Wow! That was a dramatic chapter with the confrontation with his mother, and his final words with her.
Only one thing I had a problem with, and it might be an Americanism.
'This is none of your fault, Grant, [The syntax her seems strange to me, Sandra, but it might be our language difference. To me (and I think to most Americans) it would be phrased, "None of this is your fault."]
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Thank you, Jay, for this lovely review. We say it both ways, but I've changed that sentence to the way you've put it. You are the only one to have picked it up, so, thank you for that. Warm hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
So good to know Tania is under good care now. The mother is a piece of work, isn't she? And you've portrayed her character well here.
A few points but only for consideration:
Grant and his SAS team had just returned from a particularly harrowing stint and had been given a few days leave. Grant chose to spend a few days with his grandfather. - 'a few days' is repeated. Maybe the second could be 'the time'. Apostrophe needed here '..had been given a few days' leave' as you're really saying 'leave of a few days' so it needs an apostrophe.
Whilst away, he'd made up his mind to talk to him about an issue that had plagued him for years, but, for some reason, he'd been reluctant to approach. - I might have said 'but which, for some reason,....'
You must have known her, Grandfather, can you tell me something about her? What was she like?' - Period after 'Grandfather'
They all piled out of the car and headed towards the main entrance. - delete 'all'
A nurse came up to him - maybe 'A nurse approached'
Grant and his mates opted to wait. The two police officers came up and started questioning them. - this sounds a bit abrupt. Consider: 'Grant and his mates opted to wait, at which point the two police officers came up and started questioning them.'
Having already been given some information about the pair from Monica when she phoned, and subsequently visited the police station, the questions were soon dealt with. - comma after 'visited'
'The policeman told him there might be more questions later and asked for his address and telephone number. The two police officers stayed around the reception so they could arrest Colin when he came around after the surgery.'
Maybe 'After asking for Grant's address and telephone number, and saying
there might be more questions later, the two police officers stayed around the reception so they could arrest Colin when he came around after the surgery.'
Just remember that, Colin's only way out of what he'd done to her, was, quite frankly, to kill her.' - delete commas after 'that' and 'her'
He waved the keys in the air, and marched over towards the lifts - delete 'over'
As soon as the door opened, a middle-aged, well- dressed woman, with fair wavy hair, dashed out. - remove space after 'well-'. Maybe 'hurried out' rather than 'dashed'
Grant looked at his mother as if she was a stranger. - you might like to research if it should be 'was a stranger' or 'were a stranger'. I think the latter used to be more grammatically correct (subjunctive case) but I have an idea either is acceptable. If you ever find out, I'd love to know!! lol
Carl and Reg moved away, not wanting to embarrass their mate. - I might have used 'friend' here rather than 'mate'. Not sure why and it's not important.
Grant watched the changing emotions passing across her face and glistening of tears in her eyes. - maybe '..across her face, and saw the glistening...'
And, if you'll excuse me for correcting you, I don't have a mother, you made that clear when I tried to reach out to you - period after 'mother'
Cheers, hugs and stay safe
Judy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
So good to know Tania is under good care now. The mother is a piece of work, isn't she? And you've portrayed her character well here.
A few points but only for consideration:
Grant and his SAS team had just returned from a particularly harrowing stint and had been given a few days leave. Grant chose to spend a few days with his grandfather. - 'a few days' is repeated. Maybe the second could be 'the time'. Apostrophe needed here '..had been given a few days' leave' as you're really saying 'leave of a few days' so it needs an apostrophe.
Whilst away, he'd made up his mind to talk to him about an issue that had plagued him for years, but, for some reason, he'd been reluctant to approach. - I might have said 'but which, for some reason,....'
You must have known her, Grandfather, can you tell me something about her? What was she like?' - Period after 'Grandfather'
They all piled out of the car and headed towards the main entrance. - delete 'all'
A nurse came up to him - maybe 'A nurse approached'
Grant and his mates opted to wait. The two police officers came up and started questioning them. - this sounds a bit abrupt. Consider: 'Grant and his mates opted to wait, at which point the two police officers came up and started questioning them.'
Having already been given some information about the pair from Monica when she phoned, and subsequently visited the police station, the questions were soon dealt with. - comma after 'visited'
'The policeman told him there might be more questions later and asked for his address and telephone number. The two police officers stayed around the reception so they could arrest Colin when he came around after the surgery.'
Maybe 'After asking for Grant's address and telephone number, and saying
there might be more questions later, the two police officers stayed around the reception so they could arrest Colin when he came around after the surgery.'
Just remember that, Colin's only way out of what he'd done to her, was, quite frankly, to kill her.' - delete commas after 'that' and 'her'
He waved the keys in the air, and marched over towards the lifts - delete 'over'
As soon as the door opened, a middle-aged, well- dressed woman, with fair wavy hair, dashed out. - remove space after 'well-'. Maybe 'hurried out' rather than 'dashed'
Grant looked at his mother as if she was a stranger. - you might like to research if it should be 'was a stranger' or 'were a stranger'. I think the latter used to be more grammatically correct (subjunctive case) but I have an idea either is acceptable. If you ever find out, I'd love to know!! lol
Carl and Reg moved away, not wanting to embarrass their mate. - I might have used 'friend' here rather than 'mate'. Not sure why and it's not important.
Grant watched the changing emotions passing across her face and glistening of tears in her eyes. - maybe '..across her face, and saw the glistening...'
And, if you'll excuse me for correcting you, I don't have a mother, you made that clear when I tried to reach out to you - period after 'mother'
Cheers, hugs and stay safe
Judy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Phew!! Thank you again for another thorough edit, Judy. I've made the corrections. I really appreciate you doing this, it must take a lot of your time up. I'm delighted you are still enjoying my story. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
-
I've just reread the story and Grant says he's never met his mother yet she recognises him in the waiting room - just sayin'. :)
And somehow a hard return has found its way in after 'middle-aged'
Cheers
Judy
-
I don't know how that hard turn happened, it seems to be fine now.
This is how I've ended it now....
?We shall see about that! And, if you?ll excuse me for correcting you, I don?t have a mother. You made that clear each time you turned me away after Grandfather died....
-
I'm happy now. lol
And I have to share the good news - I'm away soon - picking up two rescue pet sheep named Harry and Solomon!! lol
-
Aww, will you let them sleep at the bottom of your bed?? You do use their wool for your blankets and cardigans. Lol. xxx
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great chapter - very satisfying to read.
After the drama of Tania's kidnapping and rescue, I wondered where this story would to next. You've done an excellent job of introducing the next hurdle for the protagonist and his confrontation with his mother was delightful.
Great imagery: "...fell like a crushing shroud..."
One very small thing:
"...when he came round after the surgery." Should be '...came around.'
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2021
|
Great chapter - very satisfying to read.
After the drama of Tania's kidnapping and rescue, I wondered where this story would to next. You've done an excellent job of introducing the next hurdle for the protagonist and his confrontation with his mother was delightful.
Great imagery: "...fell like a crushing shroud..."
One very small thing:
"...when he came round after the surgery." Should be '...came around.'
Nicely done.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much, my friend, for another lovely review, and for finding that nit. I've made the correction. I'm delighted you are still enjoying my story. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
hahahaha SEE??? I knew it was going to less than easy to prove all of this. We'll have a he said-she said situation on our hands where the most expensive lawyers with the deepest pockets and the smartest (or crookedest) tricks win the day. YIKES.
Nice job!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Sandra,
hahahaha SEE??? I knew it was going to less than easy to prove all of this. We'll have a he said-she said situation on our hands where the most expensive lawyers with the deepest pockets and the smartest (or crookedest) tricks win the day. YIKES.
Nice job!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
LOL! We shall see. :)) Grant's pockets are deeper than mother's.
Thank you so much for another lovely review, Robyn, you're so sweet. Have a lovely day! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Well, imagine that. The whole family is loony. It stands to reason that if she
chose Harding over her son, she'd also support Colin regardless of what he'd done. Grant is the odd man out, and it appears Colin has mental problems,
as if we didn't already know that.
Now it looks like the story will turn into a legal battle between rich people.
Another twist in this twisty story of betrayal.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Hello Sandra,
Well, imagine that. The whole family is loony. It stands to reason that if she
chose Harding over her son, she'd also support Colin regardless of what he'd done. Grant is the odd man out, and it appears Colin has mental problems,
as if we didn't already know that.
Now it looks like the story will turn into a legal battle between rich people.
Another twist in this twisty story of betrayal.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much for reviewing this yesterday and giving me that lovely six star. I wasn't expecting any after hitting the release button in error. That was so kind of you, Robert.
There has been a few twists and turns in this story, hasn't there? You know what Mildred would have said!! Lol. A few more to come.
Happy Anniversary, to you both, and much love. How romantic to get married on St Valentine's days. Have a lovely one, my friend. And thank you, again. Warm hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
As the old saying goes, "how soon they forget!" I will
never be able to understand how a parent can choose
another adult over their own child, especially over a
helpless, infant child. Forgetting to take one's meds
has been the excuse for many a bad move. I would
be shocked if it stood up in court since Colin's actions
were repeated over and over again. Of course, stranger
things have been known to happen.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Sandra:
As the old saying goes, "how soon they forget!" I will
never be able to understand how a parent can choose
another adult over their own child, especially over a
helpless, infant child. Forgetting to take one's meds
has been the excuse for many a bad move. I would
be shocked if it stood up in court since Colin's actions
were repeated over and over again. Of course, stranger
things have been known to happen.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
My late mother-in-law loved my father-in-law more than her two children. It hurt them both in different ways. I can never understand it, either. Thank you so much for your lovely review, I really appreciated it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! The previous chapter was action-packed and this one is emotion-packed! And we can certainly feel Grant's justified anger. I was surprised that Grant and his mother recognized each other. I guess they met before this sometime after the conversation with his grandfather. That's so sad that the mother has no compassion for her first son. I liked that you showed that Grant still nursed an inkling of hope for connection with his mother until she showed her devotion to Colin no matter what.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Wow! The previous chapter was action-packed and this one is emotion-packed! And we can certainly feel Grant's justified anger. I was surprised that Grant and his mother recognized each other. I guess they met before this sometime after the conversation with his grandfather. That's so sad that the mother has no compassion for her first son. I liked that you showed that Grant still nursed an inkling of hope for connection with his mother until she showed her devotion to Colin no matter what.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Thank you, Helen. And, thanks for raising that point about Grant and his mother. I'll sort that out so that readers will know how they came to recognise each other. I think everyone hopes to find a connection with their mother regardless of how the mother has behaved. He is nursing a huge amount of hurt, and will need some TLC to get over it.... Thank you, my friend. Have a lovely day! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant incorporation of stunning backstory. Masterfully-rendered interaction between Grant and his so-called mother. Gripping!
Just remember that, Colin's only way out of what he'd done to her, was, quite frankly, [insert:TO] kill her.'
hyphenate middle-aged and well-dressed.
Which she was [Sugg omit theoretically].
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
|
Brilliant incorporation of stunning backstory. Masterfully-rendered interaction between Grant and his so-called mother. Gripping!
Just remember that, Colin's only way out of what he'd done to her, was, quite frankly, [insert:TO] kill her.'
hyphenate middle-aged and well-dressed.
Which she was [Sugg omit theoretically].
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
-
Thank you so much for your lovely review, Liz, and for the help. I've made those corrections. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part and the meeting of his caring mother!! She is more interested in herself and Colin. Certainly carries no affection for Grant. Have a lovely day, my friend. Sandra xx