Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Betrayal Chapter 5"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Looking forward to more sparks flying between these two when next they meet.
A few points I picked up:
The shock waves that charged through her body, stunned her. - delete comma
Grant had seen that momentary display of, what he thought had been, doubt, and admired the way she instantly changed her posture. - delete commas after 'of' and 'been'
Pushing her cardigan sleeves up to just under her elbows, she loosely clasped her hands together to rest them on the table. - I might have said 'just below here elbows' but I doubt it matters.
Deciding to cut out the small talk she jumped straight in. - comma needed after 'talk'
After she'd moved off, he casually settled himself back in his chair; his elbows on the arms, and his fingers church-steepled together. - replace semi-colon with a comma
'I checked out your web-site to see what work you've done so far. After looking at them, I felt you should have the opportunity - 'work' is singular but 'them' is plural. I might have said 'After looking at your designs'
'In that case, we have nothing to discuss.' She stood up and went to pick up her coat, when Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down. Stunned, Tania did as she was told.
'I've never met such an unreasonable woman like you before, always on the run. - I might have deleted 'like you'
His eyes discharging iced spikes. - should be 'discharged'
Before he could respond, the waitress came to their table with a bright cheery smile, which slipped away when she looked at both their angry faces. - delete 'both'
As you know, Miss Main and I did not sit in on the previous interviews, we have people especially qualified for that job. - period after 'interviews'
She picked up her cup and took a sip of her hot coffee. Staring at him over the rim - replace period with a comma
Grant stared back, if he'd expected her to back down, he'd been sorely mistaken. - period after 'back'
Before he could do or say anything else, Tania had turned on her heels and was walking away. - I think the expression is more usually 'to turn on one's heel' - singular
'Give me strength!' He walked out of the hotel ignoring the strange looks he received. - comma needed after 'hotel'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
  |
Looking forward to more sparks flying between these two when next they meet.
A few points I picked up:
The shock waves that charged through her body, stunned her. - delete comma
Grant had seen that momentary display of, what he thought had been, doubt, and admired the way she instantly changed her posture. - delete commas after 'of' and 'been'
Pushing her cardigan sleeves up to just under her elbows, she loosely clasped her hands together to rest them on the table. - I might have said 'just below here elbows' but I doubt it matters.
Deciding to cut out the small talk she jumped straight in. - comma needed after 'talk'
After she'd moved off, he casually settled himself back in his chair; his elbows on the arms, and his fingers church-steepled together. - replace semi-colon with a comma
'I checked out your web-site to see what work you've done so far. After looking at them, I felt you should have the opportunity - 'work' is singular but 'them' is plural. I might have said 'After looking at your designs'
'In that case, we have nothing to discuss.' She stood up and went to pick up her coat, when Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down. Stunned, Tania did as she was told.
'I've never met such an unreasonable woman like you before, always on the run. - I might have deleted 'like you'
His eyes discharging iced spikes. - should be 'discharged'
Before he could respond, the waitress came to their table with a bright cheery smile, which slipped away when she looked at both their angry faces. - delete 'both'
As you know, Miss Main and I did not sit in on the previous interviews, we have people especially qualified for that job. - period after 'interviews'
She picked up her cup and took a sip of her hot coffee. Staring at him over the rim - replace period with a comma
Grant stared back, if he'd expected her to back down, he'd been sorely mistaken. - period after 'back'
Before he could do or say anything else, Tania had turned on her heels and was walking away. - I think the expression is more usually 'to turn on one's heel' - singular
'Give me strength!' He walked out of the hotel ignoring the strange looks he received. - comma needed after 'hotel'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for this really helpful review, Judy, I really appreciated it. I've gone through them all now. :)) I'm so pleased you are enjoying the story. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
You're welcome. :)
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this post, Sandra. You really captured the intense emotions well and it's clear that Grant is starting to realize that maybe he was wrong to accuse Tania.
One suggestion -- in statement:
"Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down"
I wished that you just quoted Grant directly so I could hear his voice and maybe show us a few facial changes to show his anger instead of using "angrily."
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
Great job with this post, Sandra. You really captured the intense emotions well and it's clear that Grant is starting to realize that maybe he was wrong to accuse Tania.
One suggestion -- in statement:
"Grant stood up and angrily told her to sit down"
I wished that you just quoted Grant directly so I could hear his voice and maybe show us a few facial changes to show his anger instead of using "angrily."
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
I see what you mean. I'll go back and work on Grant as it would be much better to see some stronger reaction from him, thank you for that. :)) And, thank you for the lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
To Long...Really...it's not long enough my amazing friend...
I was waiting to hear who the hail stole her work...as I pull the hair right out of my head...I got a coke and sat down at the table with them...and just kept thinking...and...and...and the answer never came...
but it seems they are getting on the same page...
so while you and your musey goosey are working on the next chapter Sandra dear...you might want to maybe bring up the
bad guy...hmmmmmmm....now I have to wait another week...
very well written beautiful you...with each chapter...it gets better and better...I love the story told still...until next time...so much love flying your way...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
 |
To Long...Really...it's not long enough my amazing friend...
I was waiting to hear who the hail stole her work...as I pull the hair right out of my head...I got a coke and sat down at the table with them...and just kept thinking...and...and...and the answer never came...
but it seems they are getting on the same page...
so while you and your musey goosey are working on the next chapter Sandra dear...you might want to maybe bring up the
bad guy...hmmmmmmm....now I have to wait another week...
very well written beautiful you...with each chapter...it gets better and better...I love the story told still...until next time...so much love flying your way...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Oh, you'll love the bad guy, Linda, he is BAD! Nuff said, lol. Thank you so much, my dear friend, for all the lovely stars and the fabulous, funny, lovely review. I love that you got a coke and sat down with them, LOL!! I could just imagine how that meeting would go! Yes, Grant has an awful feeling rolling around in his tummy, he will need to take a mild sleeping pill tonight. :o)
Thank you, dear friend, you always make my day. And it's starting early today, I couldn't sleep, too much business going on in my old brain. Lots of love, and loads of hugs, my friend. Take care. Sandra. xxxxx
You must e-mail me about your doctor visit. I've been waiting and praying for you.
-
Hi You, if Grant would have told her the truth...his poor upset tummy wouldn't be
rocking and rolling...
you make me crack up...as much as you write I can imagine why you can't sleep...I can see your fingers going all night...while you sleep...if Graham moved over that way...he would get a great back rub...when your sleeping...but that's ok...keeps you young...now truth...how many meals have you burnt typing???...LOL...your so welcome my amazing friend...bunches of love coming your way...you take care as well...xxoo
Comment from tfawcus
A fiery scene, to say the least. A-type man meets A-type woman! LOL
They are both digging in and there'll be quite a bit of back-tracking to be done if there's to be a romantic liaison.
A few suggestions:
'I checked out your web-site to see what work you've done so far. After looking at [them/it], I felt...
'I've never met such an unreasonable woman [like/as] you before,
I usually have two(-)sided conversations,
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
A fiery scene, to say the least. A-type man meets A-type woman! LOL
They are both digging in and there'll be quite a bit of back-tracking to be done if there's to be a romantic liaison.
A few suggestions:
'I checked out your web-site to see what work you've done so far. After looking at [them/it], I felt...
'I've never met such an unreasonable woman [like/as] you before,
I usually have two(-)sided conversations,
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for this helpful review, Tony. I've made some changes to the two lines you pointed out as I wasn't happy with them, and your comments confirmed it. And I've added the dash. That was nice of you to point them out.
Thank you for giving this part a six star rating, my friend, I appreciate those and the review very much. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
I just love the way you write. It leaves nothing but a reply box to fill with compliments. Well, I did find one question:
'That is as maybe, but that doesn't mean I have to let you pay for my coffee!' [Did you mean "That is as may be? Otherwise, I don't know what it means.]
It's always a bright day when I see there is a chapter from you in my box.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
I just love the way you write. It leaves nothing but a reply box to fill with compliments. Well, I did find one question:
'That is as maybe, but that doesn't mean I have to let you pay for my coffee!' [Did you mean "That is as may be? Otherwise, I don't know what it means.]
It's always a bright day when I see there is a chapter from you in my box.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for those lovely compliments, Jay. You are so sweet, and I love seeing your name here, too.
I had that expression totally wrong, I think I was having another of my regular senior moments! It was supposed to read, 'Be that as it may,' which it does now! Lol. I'm so pleased you pointed that out.
Thank you again, my friend. Have a lovely day and keep safe and well. :)) Sandra xxx
-
I actually thought it was a British term. Glad it brought your focus on it.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Yes, he's still coming off as a jerk. At least he offered to pay for the coffee and the dry cleaning. I imagine finding out he's wrong about Tania will be a shock to his system. He'll have to apologize, and that won't be easy for him. I can't wait for that.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
Yes, he's still coming off as a jerk. At least he offered to pay for the coffee and the dry cleaning. I imagine finding out he's wrong about Tania will be a shock to his system. He'll have to apologize, and that won't be easy for him. I can't wait for that.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
LOL!! I take it you don't really like Grant. I can't say too much about him, but just that he's not going to be a happy chappie soon. Thank you so much, Cindy, for another lovely review. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
This was a great continuation chapter, Sandra. I loved the conversation between Tania and Grant. Neither really wanted to reveal too much. Grant was not really aware that Tania had dated Colin but she didn't want to divulge that to him just yet. She also was not aware of the relationship between Grant and Colin. Great job, hugs, smiles and Blessings.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
This was a great continuation chapter, Sandra. I loved the conversation between Tania and Grant. Neither really wanted to reveal too much. Grant was not really aware that Tania had dated Colin but she didn't want to divulge that to him just yet. She also was not aware of the relationship between Grant and Colin. Great job, hugs, smiles and Blessings.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, Alie, thank you so much for those lovely comments. Have a wonderful day, and stay well and safe. Warm hugs, Sandra. xxxx
-
You are so welcome Sandra, it was great reading and I eagerly await the next chapter, hugs, smiles and Blessings.
-
You are so welcome Sandra, it was great reading and I eagerly await the next chapter, hugs, smiles and Blessings.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is such a great story so well told! I can see all this going down in my mind's eye. I can feel Tania's indignation, and her need to find the truth. Well written!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
This is such a great story so well told! I can see all this going down in my mind's eye. I can feel Tania's indignation, and her need to find the truth. Well written!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much for the six stars, Rebecca! What a lovely sight to wake up to. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story. Warm hugs, dear friend, and have a lovely day. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from BethShelby
This is a very interesting story. I like the character you have created in Tanya. I'm looking forward to learning more about the others and finding out how the characters will intersect with each other.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
This is a very interesting story. I like the character you have created in Tanya. I'm looking forward to learning more about the others and finding out how the characters will intersect with each other.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, Beth! I'm so pleased you like Tania. More characters will be coming from now on. Have a lovely day, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ben Colder
Poor Grant. He has been out-maneuvered. Sounds as if something could develop toward more than a business deal.
You have done a good job as always. I can see this unfolding.
Thanks Sandy for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
Poor Grant. He has been out-maneuvered. Sounds as if something could develop toward more than a business deal.
You have done a good job as always. I can see this unfolding.
Thanks Sandy for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so very much, Chuck, for this really lovely review, and all those stars. Oh, yes, it does tend to look that way, lol! Warm hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandy. xxx