Digital Collages
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "origami doves"An artful mix of poetic forms.
34 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I relish serendipity, and although I am not bedridden, I am enjoying a line-up of doves on our deck. I particularly appreciated the shift in mood and the color of the origami birds. As usual, your illustration was perfect. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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I relish serendipity, and although I am not bedridden, I am enjoying a line-up of doves on our deck. I particularly appreciated the shift in mood and the color of the origami birds. As usual, your illustration was perfect. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Wish I had a review nomination left as I really appreciate your comments. I've never done origami myself, but I have always enjoyed seeing it. It is really a special talent. The idea of sitting on your porch watching the doves is very appealing. We all need relaxing moments, especially now with the difficulties going on. Thank you, too, for mentioning my artwork! xo Janet
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Here's to relaxation in whatever form! -Joan
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Thank you for appreciate my comments enough to want to nominate me in the reviewing contest. You are very kind- Joan
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great, but poignant, tanka. Your lines are in good form as I understand the rules. Your image pairs nicely with your strong, descriptive words.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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This is a great, but poignant, tanka. Your lines are in good form as I understand the rules. Your image pairs nicely with your strong, descriptive words.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Thank you very much, Jan. I appreciate your review and comments. Smiles, Janet
Comment from Cindy Decker
This is such a poignant poem about a bedridden child folding doves. This would be a good hobby to do if you're ill, or need to sharpen your concentration skills.
The Japanese have such beautiful art. I've never made an origami article, but I have seen them and they're beautiful.
Excellent poem and photo.
Good luck in all your contests,
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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This is such a poignant poem about a bedridden child folding doves. This would be a good hobby to do if you're ill, or need to sharpen your concentration skills.
The Japanese have such beautiful art. I've never made an origami article, but I have seen them and they're beautiful.
Excellent poem and photo.
Good luck in all your contests,
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Thank you greatly, Cindy. I appreciate your review and good wishes. Smiles, Janet
Comment from June Sargent
This is a very touching piece that sums up the love for a bedridden child by painting the ceiling the color of the sky and letting him add origami doves - giving him wings to soar. Beautifully expressed sentiments.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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This is a very touching piece that sums up the love for a bedridden child by painting the ceiling the color of the sky and letting him add origami doves - giving him wings to soar. Beautifully expressed sentiments.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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This is a very uplifting review and much appreciated. Thank you greatly!
Comment from karenina
I am SUCH a novice in these forms... Is a Tanka not 5/7/5/7/7? If so,
isn't your count above 5/5/4/5/5? Or is the "MODERN Tanka format different? (I am not asking to be critical, but to learn!)--- I see the rules in the Tanka Poetry Contest indicate 5/7/5/7/7... I clearly need a LOT of learning to do! Count aside, I love the illustration married with your verse... You tell a LOT of story in so few syllables!---Karenina
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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I am SUCH a novice in these forms... Is a Tanka not 5/7/5/7/7? If so,
isn't your count above 5/5/4/5/5? Or is the "MODERN Tanka format different? (I am not asking to be critical, but to learn!)--- I see the rules in the Tanka Poetry Contest indicate 5/7/5/7/7... I clearly need a LOT of learning to do! Count aside, I love the illustration married with your verse... You tell a LOT of story in so few syllables!---Karenina
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Karenina. Modern tanka is not confined by a specific syllable count, although the short long short long long format remains widely admired. Modern tanka, however, is more concerned with presenting the message without filler words bogging down the flow of the presentation...it is the same way for writing modern haiku. This FanStory contest encourages the 5-7-5-7-7 format but also states that variations are permitted. (Originally, the 5-7-5-7-7 rule was instituted based upon Japanese syllable examples without taking into account that Japanese syllables are significantly shorter than English-Western syllables.) An example of this is in our common word HI (meaning hello) which is usually an extended release of air and sound from the mouth. In Japanese, the word HAI (meaning yes) is also one syllable but instead, it is vocalized with extreme quickness so that it is more of a fast rush of air. This creates a naturally crisp version taking a much lesser breath length than the vocalization of the English-Western one-syllable word. Instead of the regular 31 syllables for traditional tanka, the journals of The Tanka Society of America regularly print tanka around 18 to 31 syllables. In 2014 this one of mine with twenty-seven syllables was cited for back-cover presentation and discussion. I hope you like it...it, too, is not a perky one, but I also write tanka with many other emotions:
sparrows huddle
beneath a low pine bough
on this winter day
the look in your eyes
akin to freezing drizzle
--Janet
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God bless you for intuitively understanding I was merely seeking knowledge and not criticizing. Further--I so appreciate you taking the time you did to explain so clearly! Makes total sense that syllable count from one language to the next would be different--and I knew that to be true of why our traditional way of learning (5/7/5) Haiku has expanded so that syllable count may vary. Your example at the end absolutely drives home how powerful the Tanka becomes without filler words...like clearing one's mind and focusing the image. It's quite beautiful! Between you and Gypsy Rose I'm beginning to grasp the poetic concept AND the mindset required to truly write these forms... Thank you so much for helping a novice along!--Karenina
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You're most welcome, Karenina. We are all constantly learning and that's part of the joy of writing. Smiles, Janet
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Yes... So many forms to "play" with when learning to express poetically! Not many take the time you did... Thanks again!--Karenina
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:-)
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Thanks again!--Karenina
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Janet.
Your tanka form meets the style standard for the poem. Its a warm poem of the creation of the origami doves from a sick child. The description is very peaceful.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Hello Janet.
Your tanka form meets the style standard for the poem. Its a warm poem of the creation of the origami doves from a sick child. The description is very peaceful.
Robert
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much, Robert. I hope Ralphie is doing well these days! :-)
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You have managed to provide a phenomenol amoubt of informaion and description in your restricted format. I am rooting for you in the Tanka Poetry Contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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You have managed to provide a phenomenol amoubt of informaion and description in your restricted format. I am rooting for you in the Tanka Poetry Contest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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You have warmed my heart, Katherine. Smiles, Janet
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork
and presentation, Janet.
-A well written tanka
with a good topic and form.
-You have very good
opening lines with the
"origami doves," and
a good pivot line that
concludes the first part,
and nicely leads to the second.
-It shows how this child
enjoys this activity and also
how he/she views the sky.
-Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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-Very nice artwork
and presentation, Janet.
-A well written tanka
with a good topic and form.
-You have very good
opening lines with the
"origami doves," and
a good pivot line that
concludes the first part,
and nicely leads to the second.
-It shows how this child
enjoys this activity and also
how he/she views the sky.
-Well done!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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I enjoyed reading your review, Pam. Thank you so much for the pretty stars!
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You are very welcome, Janet.
Comment from lyenochka
You created a real sense of sympathy for this "bedridden child." Beautifully expressed in your modern tanka. I was surprised at your choice of "doves" and not "cranes" as it's typical to fold 1,000 origami cranes to make a wish come true.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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You created a real sense of sympathy for this "bedridden child." Beautifully expressed in your modern tanka. I was surprised at your choice of "doves" and not "cranes" as it's typical to fold 1,000 origami cranes to make a wish come true.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Doves have a spiritual connotation as well as they often represent the Holy Spirit...especially at Christmas and some of the greeting cards I have received are so beautiful. I often put my favorite ones in a scrapbook...especially the cards with horses and beautiful snow scenes. :-) Thank you for this truly appreciated review, Helen. xo
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Ah, then great choice! My granddaughter is a pro at origami but she doesn't make doves - cranes and bunch of other things.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are engaging, descriptive, heartfelt, and creative.
I found the read of this poem lovely yet saddened by the bedridden
child. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect and
compliments this poem well.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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The author's words are engaging, descriptive, heartfelt, and creative.
I found the read of this poem lovely yet saddened by the bedridden
child. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect and
compliments this poem well.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2020
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Thank you so much, Maria. I appreciate your kind words and all the pretty stars! Smiles, Janet